First, you are pregnant for 9 long months, and for the last month you are also being pestered by everyone who is not too lazy, with the eternal “How are you?” Then, in agony, you give birth to some purple alien, endure a battle with relatives who want to take you away from the maternity hospital with gypsies and bears, you finally come home and... you are left alone with the alien. WHAT TO DO?
Pics.ru comes to the rescue and publishes notes from an active young mother on how not to lose her head with her baby in the first weeks of his life. Let the force be with you!
Place for executions of an infant
Believe me, it’s more convenient to put a diaper on the baby on the changing table at night - then there is a chance to put it not on the head, but approximately where it is needed, and at the same time, in a highly artistic manner, without getting smeared with poop. In addition, a newborn needs to undergo a bunch of manipulations such as buttering the baby’s body, massaging and daily cleaning of the nose - attention! – turunda (I don’t understand how I lived for 29 years without knowing that this word is used to call cotton flagella! – author’s note), so a flat surface that can be used for these purposes will be very useful to you. Around her, within reach, there should be all the necessary things like diapers, baby clothes, cotton wool, napkins, and so on.
The first month of a child's life
Congratulations on the birth of your baby! Now you are experiencing a whole range of emotions, because every day is now full of incredible discoveries!
The first month is a period of adaptation of the newborn to new conditions outside the mother’s womb, as well as a time of significant changes in the usual rhythm of life of the parents. For the “baptism of fire” to be successful, you need to minimize the stress of the first days when you are left alone with the baby. Put aside all other matters, do not invite guests unless absolutely necessary. Dad and other loved ones should take on the housework themselves, and you should devote time to the newborn.
One of the most important tasks in the first weeks of a child’s life is to establish breastfeeding. You need to master the correct technique for applying the baby to the breast and feeding position. Another important factor is on-demand feeding: offer your baby the breast as many times as he wants, rather than by the hour. The main thing now is to tune in to the positive and concentrate on your baby, then success is guaranteed.
The most optimal temperature in the room where the newborn is located should be kept at 21-22°C, and humidity – about 50%.
You can walk with him 1-2 days after being discharged from the hospital. In summer, starting from 15-20 minutes and gradually increasing this time. And in winter, you should go out with your baby for the first walk no earlier than two weeks of age at a temperature not lower than -5°C. The duration of the first walks in the cold season should be no more than 10-15 minutes.
Don't worry, you will succeed! Moreover, in the first month, a local pediatrician and a nurse will come to your home weekly, with whom you can consult. Expect your first doctor's visit within the first three days after arriving from the hospital.
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Congenital reflexes of a newborn
The baby is not born as helpless as you think. Nature has endowed him with many reflexes that help him adapt to environmental conditions until he develops conscious motor activity.
For example, sucking and searching reflexes help a newborn during feeding. You can test the sucking reflex by placing your finger in the baby's mouth. The baby should make sucking movements. And if you stroke the corner of his mouth or cheek, the baby will turn his head towards the stimulus - this is a search reflex.
The child clenches his palm into a fist when stroked, demonstrating a grasping reflex. Well, if you put the baby on his tummy, he will make crawling movements. This is how the crawling reflex manifests itself. Try to touch his feet with your palm - and the child will push away from it, speeding up his movements.
From newborn to infant
After 28 days of life, your baby changes its status. He ceases to be called a newborn, now he is simply a baby.
By the end of the first month, the child's wandering gaze gradually becomes more meaningful. He fixes bright objects with his eyes for a short time. The baby sees most clearly what is at a distance of 25-30 cm from his face. It is at this distance that it is best for you to lean over him to communicate.
The child may already show an active interest in objects with clear outlines or contrasting colors. To develop his vision, you can start showing him black and white geometric pictures (for example, an image of a spiral, a cube).
The baby so far only reacts to loud sounds, voices or music. His reactions are expressed in general motor restlessness, screaming - the baby can cry, wave his arms and legs, arch his body if he is frightened by noise.
Movement for a child at this age is an integral part of emotional arousal. As a rule, they are a signal for parents about this or that discomfort and the need to satisfy some of the baby’s needs: feed, quench thirst, change a diaper, and so on.
From the moment of birth, the child smiles involuntarily if he is happy with everything. This happens first during sleep, then after feeding and during bathing. The more you smile at your baby and talk to him, showing positive emotions, the sooner he will reciprocate your feelings.
Newborn sleep
The newborn spends a significant part of the time (16-18 hours a day) sleeping, with feeding intervals every 2-3 hours. There are different sleep states:
- Deep sleep, during which the child is completely relaxed, his eyes are closed, he breathes evenly, slowly and deeply.
- Shallow sleep, when the baby breathes more frequently, does not breathe as smoothly, and twitches his arms and legs. Sometimes you can see the eyeballs moving under the eyelids.
- Drowsiness that occurs during feeding or before bedtime. The eyes of a sleeping child are half-closed.
To instill healthy sleep habits in your baby, you need to adhere to certain rules.
It is important that he sleeps at a comfortable temperature. Place the crib no closer than one meter from the window and radiator. Ventilate the room before going to bed. Do not wrap your baby in a warm blanket if the room is warm, because newborns quickly overheat.
To minimize the likelihood of an accident, do not put your baby to sleep on his stomach, and also do not leave foreign objects, toys, or duvets in the crib.
The baby should sleep without a pillow.
Gradually teach your child to distinguish between day and night. During the day you need to be as active as possible: play, sing songs and do exercises, and also not muffle ordinary noises, such as the sound of a TV, washing machine, telephone. And at night, on the contrary, keep noise to a minimum, do not talk to your baby for too long and loudly, and do not play with him. After some time, he will understand that at night he should not stay awake, but sleep. Show a little patience, and soon the baby will reward you with good nights. Good luck!
The material was prepared on the basis of the textbook “Propaedeutics of Childhood Diseases”, edited by Vorontsov I.M., Mazurin A.V. 3rd ed., additional. and processed - St. Petersburg: Foliant Publishing House LLC, 2009. - 1008 p.
Food
For you and your husband. We understand that in the 9th month, when you more remind yourself of a sperm whale washed up on the shore of suffering by a cruel fate, it is very difficult to be worthy of anything, but still overcome yourself and fill the freezer with frozen food. These can be semi-finished products (an option for the really lazy), or homemade preparations such as cutlets, meatballs, stuffed peppers, broth, sausages, in short, everything that can be quickly defrosted and gobbled up in those 15 minutes that you suddenly have for food .
Breast-feeding
It is only in propaganda brochures that a happy woman sits on a flowered blanket and holds a child to her breast with a smile with all her 32 teeth. Perhaps this is even a global conspiracy, because no one, NO ONE mentions the fact that breastfeeding in the first weeks is sometimes so painful that even touching the breast is scary, and then there are all sorts of cracks on the chest, lactostasis and 33 more pleasures. So be patient and use healing and restorative creams - there are a great many of them now. And make sure you have a breast pump just in case.
First year of motherhood. Moms tell us how to survive it
November 10, 2021 | 10:00| Situation Most people associate the first year of a child’s life with suffering - screaming, sleepless nights, diapers and sheer stress. “Dialogue” spoke with four young mothers and psychologist Polina Petrochenko about the joys, anxieties, expectations and feelings that parents experience after meeting their baby, and found out that in fact everything is not so bad.
still from the film “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” / Amblin Entertainment, Touchstone Pictures, Walt Disney Animation Studios
“Now the child is the size of a cherry pit, now it’s the size of a plum, and in a month it will reach the size of a medium apple.”
Preparing for motherhood has become a hyped educational process. The choice is huge - you can read specialized literature, take courses on preparing for childbirth and child care, attend art therapy classes for expectant mothers and unborn babies, follow blogs, subscribe to magazines... Does preparation help and is it worth preparing at all? ?
Alina, journalist : By and large, I had no time to mentally prepare for the first year of the baby’s life. Throughout the nine months of pregnancy, there were some more pressing matters: work, renovations in the apartment, choosing a stroller, crib, and so on. Of course, I regularly saw the doctor, tried to monitor my diet and tracked intrauterine development using a special calendar, which told me: “now the baby is the size of a cherry pit, now it’s the size of a plum, and in a month it will reach the size of an average apple.” A few weeks before “Day X,” I went to a class on caring for a newborn, and this turned out to be really useful for me: the pediatrician described in detail how to bathe the baby, clean his nose, and in general gave a lot of useful information regarding babies in their first weeks in the big world. For the rest, I decided to figure it out as I went along.
Irina, PR specialist, psychologist : I worked almost until the birth, so I didn’t have time to think about the first year of my life on maternity leave. But I paid a lot of attention to my own health and, accordingly, to the health of the baby: I attended gymnastics classes for pregnant women, which helped me stay in good shape and was very useful during childbirth. I also consider emotional development to be very important - during pregnancy and in the first year of life, the child’s emotions are connected with what the mother feels. I tried to be in nature more often. It's important for me. I also attended classes for pregnant women at the Russian Museum. The excursions were conducted by art historian Natalya Kuznetsova, and then there was a conversation with doctor and psychologist Marina Komova. During the conversation, we discussed what we saw at the exhibition and how it relates to pregnancy and motherhood. As a result, we encountered beautiful works of art and received practical advice. It's funny to remember how museum visitors turned around when a group of twenty happy pregnant women walked through the halls.
Ekaterina, pastry chef : I didn’t prepare much. The only book that I started, but never finished, understanding the main idea, “After three it’s too late.” If questions arose about the physical development of the fetus, I communicated with the professor who observed me. As for the emotional development of the child, everything was somehow intuitive - she walked, swam, communicated with the baby in her stomach and read books out loud. Maybe that’s why, when they brought me my newborn daughter and showed me how to care for her, I looked at her and asked the leaving nurse: “What should I do with her?!” The nurse replied “love” and left, and I happily put the diaper on backwards. Then all the skills came on their own.
Svetlana, director : I didn’t prepare in advance - before that I had experience communicating with children of different ages, so I had a rough idea of what it was like. But when the baby was born, I read about what he “should live up to” at each stage of his life. For example, what toys can be offered to him so that he can develop better, what he should see, hear, understand.
Psychologist Polina Petrochenko : First of all, you need to understand and accept the inevitable fact that now you will have to grow up. And the sooner parents understand this, the simpler and easier it will be to go through everything connected not only with the baby, but also with his birth.
A mother who is aware of her “adulthood” will even live through childbirth from a position of caring, and, first of all, about the baby. Yes, she may be hurt and scared, but she will not forget that in these difficult moments she gives her baby life, she becomes his guide and assistant in this world. When born, the baby looks at its mother seriously, clearly and with concentration. From now on, she will be the one “who disperses clouds or creates hurricanes, who gives bliss and expels from paradise, who populates the world with monsters or angels, who decides to execute or pardon, give or take away.” From this first minute of meeting, from their first glance, a life-long story begins. And what this story will be like depends solely on the mother.
You need to be honest with yourself and admit that with the birth of a child, life will change. And the sooner parents understand this, the easier it will be for them to accept themselves in a new role and in new circumstances. There will be more joy and ease in your relationship with your child and partner.
“Society treats young mothers completely shamelessly, and often mercilessly”
We increasingly began to remember that not only a newborn baby requires care, but also his parents, especially his mother. The first year of a child's life can be especially emotional. How does a new mother feel?
Alina : My son is a welcome child. It is like a natural result of the development of my husband and I’s small family. Nature systematically prepares a woman for 9 months to become a mother, so I don’t feel any sudden emotional changes in myself. I know that in some ways I have changed. I have matured, become more responsible, but I track these changes more with my mind than with my feelings. I'm just happy that we have a baby. Yes, I'm happier, that's for sure. Of course, it can be difficult. But these difficulties are fleeting, and sincere smiles, ringing laughter and biting kisses on the nose more than redeem them.
Svetlana : I waited, I prepared, it was a desired child. So I feel good. I may not be so active in communicating with friends anymore, yes. It’s good that my friends are reasonable and can come to me so that we can meet. Again, a lot of this is up to me. I could leave him with his grandmothers more often. How can I explain this... it’s fear for yourself, that you’ll miss something, that you won’t deliver, a complex that you’ll leave him.
Ekaterina : Nothing changed with the first child, but with the second I had something similar to postpartum depression. I managed to deal with it quite quickly and on my own.
Irina : I was lucky with my son. He let me sleep almost all night and, in general, it was interesting to be with him. The first year I practiced co-sleeping. The child hardly woke up, and so we all rested, and this is an important component for the emotional state. Later, next to our bed, we placed a small crib close together without one wall, that is, the child slept as if separately and at the same time with us. In general, I was happy in the first year of my child’s life. Although closer to the moment when he turned one, emotional fatigue accumulated. It is not easy for a socially active woman at some point to cross out all her interests, focusing them on one thing, even if it is her own child. I have a psychological education, which helped a lot. I could clearly see that now I’m annoyed not because the child is screaming, doesn’t want to eat or is playing around (for him this is rather normal behavior at that age), but I feel this way because I’m tired. You urgently need to rest or please yourself with something.
Psychologist Polina Petrochenko: Unfortunately, modern society is completely shameless, and often merciless, towards young mothers. And mothers themselves often treat themselves this way. The most common situation is when a mother, having just left the maternity hospital, returns back to all her daily chores, and now with the baby. Despite the colossal release of endorphins during childbirth, by the end of the first month the mother feels completely exhausted: she is easily irritated, quickly gets tired, and declines morally and emotionally. Of course, this affects the child’s condition.
To avoid early emotional burnout or so-called postpartum depression, even before giving birth, it is important to organize your life in such a way that your main task is to care for the baby. I know mothers who froze many versions of ready-made food in order to spend less time standing at the stove; they agreed with their friends that they would help clean the house and take turns taking on some of the household chores. Let those around you take care of you so that you can take good care of the baby, and they can feel needed in your life. You shouldn’t rush into the breach and rush to get back into action just a couple of weeks after giving birth. Let yourself enjoy this unique moment! Your career isn't going anywhere. If it is important to you, you will always regain both your status and your position. Work will accompany you all your life, bosses will come and go, and the baby tomorrow will be completely different from today.
Another important point in the first postpartum days is tears. Feel free to cry. Firstly, the stress hormone is released with tears. Secondly, tears are soap for the soul. Feel free to cry for any reason: the faster you pour out all the extra tears, the easier and faster you will flow into motherhood.
“We thought it might be bad... but it was good!”
We have all heard stories from our mothers: you screamed, didn’t eat, dad washed diapers, and we took turns sleeping on a bench in the park. Nowadays, fears and expectations are mixed into everything: how to educate correctly, how to develop correctly, how to ideally do this or that? What difficulties (and joys) do mothers experience and how to cope with anxiety for the child?
still from the film “Baby Walking” / Hughes Entertainment, 20th Century Fox
Alina: The most difficult thing, probably, was to rearrange my lifestyle in accordance with the needs of a new person. When you become a parent, you eat, sleep, walk, read, relax not when you feel like it, but only in those minutes that fit with the schedule of your cute boss in a diaper. There are legends that there are mothers and fathers who, even after the birth of their children, remain mobile and socially active (and their children sleep all night and never cry, yeah!), but, alas, this turned out not to be the case for me.
And the most exciting, interesting, exciting and amazing thing was watching the baby grow and develop every day during this first year. How he changes, constantly masters something new. I took a lot of photographs of my son, and I often review these photos. Every time I am surprised at what a huge path he has come in his first 12 months: from a tiny wrinkled lump to a confident person with his own preferences, desires and even opinions.
It’s amazing how early a person encounters the verb “should.” He was just born, and we already know how much he should eat, how much he should sleep, how to gain weight, at what age he should roll over onto his stomach, when to sit up, when to crawl. There are huge tables where all this is described in great detail. But every baby is unique, and is easily capable of breaking any expectations of their parents. At first I, too, fell for this “should-shouldn’t” bait, but my son quickly proved to me that he was not going to do everything like in the book. And when I gave up expectations, removed all tables and lists from my browser bookmarks, and allowed my child to develop and explore the world as he sees fit, life became more fun. And much easier.
Ekaterina: Difficulties are either forgotten very quickly, or they really didn’t exist. We lived in the same rhythm - we ate, slept, walked all day long in any weather. I don’t even remember sleepless nights, although my husband claims that there were some. What still remains especially amazing for me is the process of transforming a little lump into an independent person!
Svetlana: I thought about the worst and mentally prepared myself and my husband for sleepless nights, endless screams and everything like that, but this did not happen. We assumed it might be bad... but it was good! I can’t say that I had any super difficulties with my child; we exist in harmony. Emotionally, the first year of a child’s life became for me a period of testing my relationship with my husband, since attention now needs to be given to two people at once. If one of them is given less of it, he may feel less important. But we worked in tandem, and I can’t remember any global difficulties. As for anxiety: it’s scary when a child gets sick for the first time, falls for the first time. But when he gets sick for the third time, it’s not so scary. Or when he falls for the third time, and then gets up and smiles, you are no longer so worried about him.
Irina: I really wanted to breastfeed my baby. I understood how important this process was for both of us, both physically and emotionally. But I had difficulties for the first month, and this process could not be established. A pediatrician I knew then advised: lie down next to the child, lie there for a week and feed him. If it doesn’t work out, we’ll switch you to formula, and you’ll be sure that you did everything possible. And we did it! I still remember the feeding process with pleasure: it is both pleasant communication with the baby and makes the mother’s life very much easier. An important and difficult moment was the restructuring of the family. There were two of us. We paid a lot of attention to each other, and now there are three of us. My husband and I focused our attention on the child. Maintaining balance in the family is a very important point so that no one feels left out. My husband and I tried to at least sometimes go out somewhere in the evening together, for example, to the cinema or at least to the nearest cafe. Thanks to the grandmothers for allowing us to do this.
The most unexpected thing was the realization that a child is forever! And it seems that Groundhog Day will never end. Then, the older the child gets, the more acutely you realize that the child is, of course, not with you forever. He is getting older, and he needs to be gradually released, giving more and more responsibility. This is the only way to raise a happy and fulfilled person.
Psychologist Polina Petrochenko: As for worries, first of all, they need to be accepted. In general, anxiety is normal. This is a manifestation of care and the process of building a relationship with the baby. It’s so right and organic that a mother worries about the health and condition of her child. But if a mother does not eat, does not sleep, listens and looks closely at her baby all the time, worries - this is no longer normal. And this is not at all about love for a child - that’s what’s important to understand. This is about the mother’s fears, her unwillingness to accept her new role and the lack of trust in herself and the child. Having noticed this first bell, you need to start doing something. For example, you can talk to a psychologist about your constant anxiety.
Secondly, it is necessary to share responsibility for the baby. The child came into this world not because you wanted it, but because this is how the circumstances developed in your and his life. Pay attention - your life and his. The child is a full participant in all processes, although for now he is absolutely dependent on you. Understanding that a child came into this world to live his own destiny with all its joys and hardships can give some relief to the mother. And such relief tells us not about irresponsibility, but about building trust in your child, in your maternal instincts and in the world in general. And this, in turn, is an opportunity to avoid “parental neurosis” and the pitfalls of “ideal motherhood.”
“I always adhere to the rule “no fanaticism”
Advances in technology have completely changed the landscape of parenting. Now advice from experts and experienced mothers, a huge library of books and television shows are available to anyone. To this are added traditional opinions and the only true experience of our parents and friends. Who should you trust, who should you listen to, and should you even be interested in other people’s opinions?
Still from the movie “Rugrats!” /Nickelodeon
Irina: I have a very positive attitude towards experts. The only rule I always adhere to for myself is: “without fanaticism.” It so happened that my parents raised my sister and me without grandparents. The only adviser for them at that time was the book of Dr. Spock. Then it helped them. Now, thanks to various studies, the understanding of the needs and capabilities of a child has expanded. A lot of information has appeared on breastfeeding, early intellectual development, early swimming, and so on. The main thing here is to listen to the expert, and then think, try it all on yourself, draw conclusions based on your experience and your capabilities.
Ekaterina: Expert opinions can be very useful. Especially in matters related to communication with children or the characteristics of the next stage of a child’s development, ideas for creative activities. I don’t accept opinions from the “but in our time” series at all. Now is a different time, the child does not hiccup from the cold, and meningitis will not appear if you walk without a hat.
Svetlana: If we talk about recommendations from family and friends, then it’s like in a situation with a good director or, for example, a president. He has many advisers, and the task is to choose the position that is currently needed and close to him. As for searching for opinions on the Internet, from my point of view, this is an absolutely useless story. If you want to find the opinion “does the child have a temperature of 37.7? and he dies,” then you will find this article. You will read it and think that the child is dying. And if you are looking for “37.7 and with this temperature we went to the garden,” then you will find this too. Therefore, you should be wary of opinions on the Internet. If we talk about the opinions of people you respect - Komarovsky or Gippenreiter, parents - then you can “get drunk” with this information and, taking a closer look at your child, conclude what is right for him.
Alina: I believe that the experience of “parenting” can and should be shared. Naturally, the head must be “on”, and any advice must first be passed through consciousness and tried to be objectively assessed. But in general, I have a positive attitude towards advice (except for unsolicited and irrelevant advice). It’s impossible to know everything yourself (especially if it’s your first child), and someone else’s practice can be very useful. For example, when I was a month old, my baby developed colic. A friend who had recently become a mother advised me to buy a heating pad with cherry pits, and it was from her that I, and at the same time my entire family, first learned about the existence of such an unprecedented beast. How long I would have searched for this information myself is unknown. So for me there is nothing wrong with using other people’s experience. The only thing is that I try not to collect advice from all over the Internet, but am interested in the opinions of those I trust: my mother, mother-in-law, experienced friends and our pediatrician. I am also ready to listen to various experts, but in each specific case I will make a choice whether to trust or not trust the opinion of this specialist.
Psychologist Polina Petrochenko : Excess information is a problem of modern society. This constantly tears the mother's mind and soul apart. Some are for vaccinations, others are against. Some are for long-term breastfeeding, others say that you need to stop before a year. And then about complementary feeding, walks, co-sleeping, early development. This list is endless. I sincerely feel sorry for modern mothers, because we constantly have to be between two fires. From my point of view, the main thing is to understand that only you are responsible for all your actions. Therefore, before you accept one of the many points of view, feel which one gives you relief and pleasant joy. Choose that one. Motherhood is the joy and pleasure of growing you and your baby.
"My soul suffered and cried"
We asked psychologist Polina Petrochenko to talk about her own experience of motherhood.
frame from the cartoon “Monkeys” / Soyuzmultfilm
Polina Petrochenko, psychologist: I love sharing my story. When I found out I was pregnant, I was 24 years old and at the peak of my career. Life was in full swing. I just married the man of my dreams, I had my dream job and my dream apartment. By the age of 24, my dreams had come true. And they did not include children in any way, since even in my youth I decided that I did not like children and animals. But life decreed otherwise, and two lines on the test plunged me into the most terrible hysterics. Well, this definitely didn’t fit into my plans! To be honest, for six months I thought it would resolve. And I couldn’t believe my luck: my belly was practically not growing, I didn’t care at all about any pregnant things. I worked, and in the seventh month I flew with my husband to Bali for a month, assuming that pregnancy would not be an obstacle to long-distance travel. And so it happened. Two weeks after returning, I gave birth to a girl.
My level of preparation was zero, so I drank everything I was supposed to. The birth was difficult, the condition was grave. The baby that was given to me after all the suffering did not make me happy. Only my relatives showed frantic interest, which made me especially angry. The worst thing is that we were discharged on my 25th birthday, and no one even congratulated me. Everyone was spinning around this little lump. And my body was torn into pieces, I didn’t sleep for three days, everything hurt, my soul suffered and cried.
Stepping over pain and frustration, I grew up. It didn't happen overnight, it took months. I didn’t give the child a name right away. I was terribly jealous of her husband, mother and everyone, everyone, everyone who loved her more than me. And it was at this moment that I had to grow up. But apparently, I did not fully and sufficiently accept all the changes that have occurred in my life.
I still wanted to think that nothing in my life had changed with the birth of my child. At this moment, two stripes came to me again. Again tears, hysterics, grief, thoughts that I’m not ready, I’m tired, I don’t want anymore, I’m afraid, I can’t handle it. But at this moment the family unanimously supported us. Yes, and I have already matured a little. This time there was more awareness: yoga, courses, training, reading books, accepting pregnancy. But here too, fate decided to cheer me up, to check how much I had learned my lesson. The birth began quickly, I was very far from St. Petersburg.
There were no maternity hospitals nearby, and the local hospital did not accept such women in labor. I was taken 100 kilometers away without my belongings or documents and was admitted to the regional hospital in the city of Bryansk. Then the harsh reality of regional maternity hospitals began. The only thing that became my support was yoga practices, which I, fortunately, learned with my second pregnancy as a course of preparation for childbirth. This was a turning point in the understanding that it is very important for modern women to prepare for childbirth in order to live this experience with dignity, regardless of the circumstances. No doctor, midwife, or special hospital conditions will help a woman go through this path. This is a great moment of initiation into motherhood, and you need to prepare for it.
When the baby was born, and we understood that in the end everything was fine with him, life went on as usual. Some time later, quite by accident, I found myself pregnant again. And it was completely different. I grew, matured and accepted my pregnancy with joy and gratitude. I had a lot of yoga practice and training behind me, more awareness, and my new state became an excellent reason to go to study as a doula (accompanying during pregnancy - Dialogue News Agency). During my pregnancy, I completed my studies, started teaching classes, and eagerly awaited the birth of my baby. For the first time, I was truly ready. With the birth of my third baby, everything completely changed in my mind. I accepted my motherhood, my role and my life, not trying to fight reality, but receiving sincere pleasure from daily communication with children. Tomorrow they will not be the same as today! And we are their guides and protectors, islands of safety, acceptance and love in this unpredictable world.
Prepared by Masha Minutova / Dialogue News Agency
Read more about conscious parenting in our special project “Where Moms Come From”
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Relax
We understand, it's not easy. But, for example, in some cultures, for 40 days after the birth of a child, a woman lies down and takes care only of herself and the child, and all sorts of housework falls on the shoulders of her family and friends. And don't be shy! The key to a child’s good health is the excellent health of his mother, so eat, sleep, feed the baby and forget about the fact that your flowers haven’t been watered, the bathtub hasn’t been cleaned, and in general, the ceiling hasn’t been bleached for a long time. Give, so to speak, a couple of months to your maternal debt, and then at least cover the parquet with the twentieth layer of varnish, or even re-tile the kitchen.
How to avoid going crazy in the first three months after giving birth
Joy and euphoria after the birth of a child are often replaced by confusion and fatigue. Having no experience yet, young parents make many mistakes before finding optimal solutions. Mom of two children and blogger Laura Burt will tell you how to survive after the birth of a child.
Mother of two children and blogger Laura Burt shares her personal experience on how to make life easier for yourself and your child. We hope her advice will help you organize your life after the birth of a child and enjoy motherhood. Because in another three months you will be worried about completely different questions. For example, how to properly introduce the first complementary foods to a child. So moms, hang in there! The last three months have been both the most beautiful and the most difficult months of my entire life, which I never expected. Either I was overconfident or just ignorant... I don't think it really matters. The main thing is that holding a small child in your arms is not a trivial matter. And it seems to me that if someone had given me these 12 pieces of advice then, it would have been easier for me. I also understand that what is good for one child is not always good for another, so do not take advice from my personal experience as an algorithm from a textbook.
Read also: Getting things done with children or what are the most important things for a mother
Turn on white noise
We discovered white noise 3 weeks after the baby was born and it was a turning point in our parenting experience. Who would have thought that children love constant shush noise. Although it is obvious that the stomach was noisy, and the real world is too quiet for them. Probably unusual and unpleasant. They miss the noise in the womb, so provide them with white noise.
Shikadi can scream until she's blue in the face, but the very moment we turn on the white noise, she falls silent or even falls asleep. Plug the device into the outlet and point it up (ours is on the bookshelf opposite the crib). If you are worried about the volume, then download an app that allows you to monitor the decibels and do not exceed the 65 mark. This has truly changed our lives.
Put the kids to bed
I thought that children sleep when they are tired. But my daughter is not like that at all. If I had $20 for every time we were told how active our daughter is, I would have enough to pay for her university education. Her activity meant she didn't sleep at all! And this went on, I think, for a whole month. And then I realized that the child had to be forced to go to bed (Moms don’t know where the expression “sleep like a baby” came from. It should be “sleep like daddy!”)
Read also: How to put your baby to sleep in less than 60 seconds (VIDEO)
I started observing her mood and realized that about an hour after she woke up and ate, she began to yawn. So I began to take advantage of the moment and put her to bed.
Sometimes I rocked her or put her in a rocking crib, sometimes I sang lullabies to her. She slept while I gently rocked her in my arms, sometimes I swaddled her, turned on white noise, put her in her crib and left.
If I was on time, she fell asleep without any problems. So she started sleeping great (by 2 months she was sleeping 4 times a day for about an hour and 10 hours a night!) So I figured out and stuck to her schedule instead of the ones in the books and everything turned out easy Wonderful!
Swaddle
I've heard from many friends that their babies hate being swaddled. This may be true at the moment, but if you insist on it regularly, they will get used to it. For them, this will be a signal that it is time to sleep.
B: correct diaper and correct technique. Don't skimp on buying better quality diapers. Also, take the time to watch a couple of YouTube videos to improve your changing skills.
Ask for advice and help from someone in a similar situation.
Personally, I was lucky. My parents and my husband's parents took turns staying with us for a week to help with the kids. The best thing for me was that not only did they really help me with the baby, but they were willing to help with absolutely everything else, so I could sleep while my baby slept. They did laundry, cooked, washed dishes, kept the house tidy and did everything that was needed.
It was incredible... I could devote all of myself to the baby and not worry about everyday things. I also met other young mothers with the same problems... and you know, those middle of the night, like “is it okay if...” - they are priceless. Thanks everyone!
Don't compare your child and yourself to others
One day, I caught myself thinking that even in the middle of the night I could sit and type everything I could into Google. “When will they start sleeping at night?”, “How many diapers should I use per day?”, “How long should I breastfeed my baby?” etc.
I came across responses from mothers who wrote that their children “immediately after being discharged from the hospital began to sleep at night,” or that their children “can change their own diaper”...
Guys, everyone's children are different! Do what you feel and what your intuition tells you. God gave you the chance to become a mother and endowed you with maternal instincts. So listen to them. Ideal parents are not born, they are made.
Don’t compare your children with other children, or yourself with other mothers, especially those who shout something like “immediately after giving birth, I returned to my usual weight.” I think I will be supported by those who are still trying to lose a couple of extra pounds.
Let your husband know how he can help you
It's very likely that your husband has no experience with babies, so this step is very scary for him. Moms feel confident, having maternal instincts, well, or minimal experience of looking after a neighbor's child or nephews, but dads feel a little helpless. But perhaps your husband would really like and is ready to help you in any way he can!
My husband learned how to simply change a diaper like a pro and give me the right things when I was chained to the swing in the yard while feeding the baby. He's also great at getting our daughter into bed so I can finally get in the shower. It seems to me that sometimes husbands just don’t know what to do, so give me a hint.
Read also: How to teach your family to help you or being alone in the field is not a warrior
Try not to go too far from the changing table
Dear God, how often do kids go to the toilet! We live in a two-story house, and our portable changing table, a savior from dirty diapers, was on the first floor. Oh, and while we're still talking about diapers... Even the best quality diaper can fail if it's full.
And one more thing, you don’t need to change a wet diaper right away, as soon as a blue stripe appears. It's a marketing strategy by diaper manufacturers to convince us that every time the line turns blue, we should change our diaper. I assure you, this is not necessary. You will definitely know when you need to change the diaper, I guarantee it.
Know that breastfeeding is not easy
I heard somewhere that if you can hold out for a month and a half, then it will be easier. Of course, this is not for everyone, but I was adamant in my desire to breastfeed. Organic milk, right?
Frankly, it is a really painful process at first, but there is light at the end of this lactation tunnel. After two weeks and several meetings with the doctor, the pain went away. It is possible that lactostasis will occur, but in a couple of weeks the body will return to normal.
And if we have already touched on the topic of breastfeeding, then I cannot remain silent about the importance of a breast pump. This device is your best friend when milk stagnation in the breast, and this happens sooner or later, but inevitably. Moreover, if you need to leave the baby for 3-4 hours (I know, now you don’t want to, but sometimes circumstances oblige), then you will need to provide a supply of milk.
Read also: How to store breast milk: 5 important tips for nursing mothers
Don't spend a ton of money on clothes for your little one.
Moms, she's such a cutie in that ruched dress! And he is such a cute little doll in this suit! What do you think, won’t this new thing become stained in about 4 minutes? I think yes. So, dear parents, it’s okay if your child spends the first three months of his life in pajamas.
I like pajamas that have a zipper or elastic at the bottom to make changing the kids much easier at any time of the day or night. Pajamas with buttons are also good, but less comfortable.
And here’s one more thing: in the wake of your joy, you don’t need to try everything in your wardrobe, because you’ve stocked up for six months in advance. If there are still tags on your clothes, it is better to change them to a larger size.
Don't be afraid of your first trip to the store with your child
The wolf is not as scary as people fear him! For the first time, go to a small store, for example, to buy bread. Place your baby in the stroller and turn on white noise if you want to keep him quiet. If your child suddenly starts to get nervous, try holding him in your arms for a minute. When children are “in the air,” they calm down.
Another idea is that you can carry them around in a baby carrier while you shop for groceries. In the case of my daughter, it helped a lot. If she didn't like something, I just swayed or jumped a little. After the first couple of joint outings, you will no longer be afraid of this, and even if hysteria begins, you know how to settle it.
Take photos of your newborn baby
And as much as possible. Use any camera you have at hand. You can always delete the unnecessary ones, but you will never be able to rewind the missed moment and capture it. I try to take at least one photo of my daughter every day. At the end of the year I will organize them all into one big album. You can try to take a selfie, why not. You won’t remember much if you don’t periodically refresh your memory by viewing the contents of the flash drive. Here are 8 creative ways to capture your baby's first year of life.
Everything will be fine!
If babies cry, they breathe. If you need to tuck them into their crib just to take a break for a second, that's okay. Always keep some kind of snack and water on hand while feeding. Don't be afraid to turn down someone who wants to come visit. Buy what you need in bulk.
If your children wake up in the middle of the night, don’t jump out of bed right away - give them a couple of minutes, maybe they’ll fall asleep on their own; watch them sleep. If the child is nervous, carry him in your arms, they calm down next to their mother, homework can calmly wait.
Finally, remember that no matter what your experience with newborns, this time is precious! All the sleepless nights, every tear, every overfilled diaper and every drool on your clothes, it was all worth it! Being a mom is the best job in the world!
Based on materials from astepinthejourney.com
Read also: Scientists have discovered that babies cry in their native language
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Read also: Don’t care about everything, or why mom can’t stay awake
Listen to yourself
Postpartum depression is an extremely unpleasant thing, but, fortunately, it has long ceased to be considered a myth. Below are the main signs; if you find at least 4 of them, you need help.
- you constantly cry with or without reason
- you feel tired, but you can’t relax and fall asleep
- your baby's crying makes you irritated or even angry
- you feel absolutely defenseless and helpless in new life circumstances
- your libido is in deep sleep, and the very thought of sex causes a feeling of deep disgust
- you think you look disgusting, you don’t want to go to the mirror again
Sometimes a young mother (tm) just needs to cry to a friend about her difficult life or take up some easy hobby to more or less come to her senses, but sometimes this is not enough, so you have to take more radical measures. Of course, no one will prescribe you antidepressants right away, but talking to a good psychotherapist will not be a bad idea.
All will pass
Remember that all these are temporary difficulties that must be overcome. Of course, when you are standing, swaying, at 4 o'clock in the morning with a baby at your disposal, because he does not want to sleep, but wants to play tricks, it is very difficult to believe, but it will soon become easier. Repeat this like a mantra, like the “Our Father,” like Tatiana’s letter to Onegin. Soon. It will. Easier. And don't despair at all! Millions of women around the world have been through this, so you can too! We believe in you, young Padawan!
Text: Ekaterina Kuzmina Photo: Shutterstock
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Good question “I’m a worthless mother”: Women about the first months after childbirth
Since Kostya was born a month premature, we did not have time to finish the renovations in the apartment. I didn’t have a kitchen at all, or a stove, just a kettle. I brewed porridge with water and drank tea. Instead of gaining weight, after giving birth I lost ten kilograms. Kostya was restless, so I wasn’t sleeping yet. My whole body was covered in bruises, because from lack of sleep I was “collecting” all the corners in the apartment. Plus, my husband was constantly working, and I was alone. He had an irregular work schedule - he could leave at nine in the morning and come in at six in the morning the next day. But it was such a happiness when he came - at least a little responsibility could be transferred to him.
They told me that after three months it would become easier, and I had a special piece of paper on which I crossed out the days - it was preserved. I had suicidal thoughts: from time to time I imagined that it would be easier for me to go out onto the balcony and fly down. You have to think about the child all the time, you forget about yourself, but physical exhaustion has not been canceled - it directly affects the psychological state. I admit that to some extent I was on the edge. An adult colleague helped me then. We talked on the phone, and I said: “It seems to me that I’m doing something wrong, I’m killing my son. How can I feed him? She said: “Katya, calm down, not a single baby has died from exhaustion.” This phrase really stuck with me.
But most importantly, my parents helped. We talked on Skype every day (they live in another country). My brother's wife was present during one of these conversations. I tell her what’s going on with me, and she says: “Are you crazy? Do you only eat porridge? Anything sweet?” - “Yes, only Maria cookies.” Peeled apples, bananas are not allowed - it’s dangerous.” She said: “Okay, calm down - you can do anything, my child has grown up healthy. In Israel there is no such thing at all: go to the store now, buy what you want and eat.” After this conversation, I went and bought myself marshmallows. That evening, friends came to us - I took a sip of wine and burst into tears. I was crying all the time back then.
When I started eating, I began to think. Then I cleared out the apartment and made a nest for myself. In fact, it became easier not after three, but after four months: Kostya continued to sleep poorly, but we got used to each other - I began to understand him, understand his emotions, and breastfeeding improved. I put the child in a sling and started going out with him and doing things around the house. When I was three months old, I started running with a stroller.
When young mothers call me now and timidly ask: “What did you do in such and such a case?” — I immediately answer: “Calm down, you’re not the only one! Everything is fine". I also had the feeling that all the other mothers were happy, and I was the only one losing my mind. It’s still a mystery to me whether everyone’s first months go like this. Most likely, this happens to those who give birth to their first children and who do not have much support. If there is a mom, dad, nanny, money, then I think we could get rid of these problems.
Now those first months are like a dream for me. Of course, they are not a reason not to have a child. You just need to prepare yourself in advance that it won’t be easy at first, negotiate with your family so that they help as much as possible, because you will not be able to soberly assess some things.
