When and how to tell your child where babies come from - recommendations by age. How to explain to your son and daughter where babies come from

General recommendations

The optimal period for conversation is preschool childhood. As a rule, it is during this period that children themselves ask pressing questions. This is the stage of maximum curiosity, inquisitiveness, or the age of “why”.

You shouldn’t start the first conversation on this topic yourself; you need to wait for the child’s initiative. Material is absorbed when it is interesting and in demand. If you start a conversation ahead of time, you will cause boredom, fatigue, irritation and disgust.

So, we waited, the child asked about his origin. What to do next:

• Don't look for excuses or delays. I asked - I have to answer. Moreover, children can repeat the question every hour and every day. Or, on the contrary, having become convinced of the parents’ incompetence and secrecy, they will leave to seek education elsewhere.
• Do not use stories about cabbage, storks, a store selling children, etc. Sooner or later you will have to tell the truth, or the child will learn it from another source. But the result in both cases is the same: mom and dad deceived me, they cannot be trusted, they lied once and will lie again, and they also teach me that lying is not good.
• Tell the truth, but adjust it according to the child's age. For example, a preschooler does not need to know the internal structure of the genital organs. But middle school students can and should be told about this both at home and at school.
• Answer your child’s questions strictly: no more, no less. The same is true for secondary issues. If a child asks about his anatomy, then we describe only his gender. But if you asked the difference between boys and girls, then we talk about the anatomy of both sexes.

The question of where children come from is an indicator of the child’s intellectual development and maturation. This means that he is, in principle, ready to assimilate theoretical knowledge and learn. You have a healthy and active child whose development is normal.

Where the babies come from?!

This section will talk about the role of a man in the birth of a child.

When a boy is born, he has cells in his testicles that are the precursors of sperm. Until the end of puberty, these cells are not active, they seem to sleep. Precursor cells are the most sensitive testicular cells to damaging agents. Many negative factors - alcohol, smoking, radiation, taking medications, illnesses - can easily cause damage.

During puberty, the process of spermatogenesis begins, i.e. creating mature sperm (synonymous with sperm) - male reproductive cells. This process consists of three successive phases. First, progenitor cells begin to divide, creating a supply of cells. Each human cell contains 46 chromosomes, in which all information about the body is recorded using genes. Chromosomes are divided into pairs. There are 22 pairs of ordinary chromosomes and one pair of so-called sex chromosomes, which determine the sex of the unborn child. The female sex chromosome is called the X chromosome, and the male one is called the Y chromosome. Accordingly, the last, 23rd pair of chromosomes in a woman contains two X chromosomes (XX), and in a man - X and Y (XY). When a cell divides, each new cell must receive a full set of chromosomes, i.e. Each new cell has the same chromosome set as the mother cell. This method of cell division is called mitosis. If two such cells merged during the process of fertilization, the human chromosome set would double, i.e. there would be 92 chromosomes. To prevent this, sex cells divide in a special way, which is called meiosis. During this division, each sex cell receives only half of the chromosome set. Sex chromosomes also disperse into different cells. In men, half of the germ cells contain a Y chromosome and half - an X. In women, all cells contain only the X chromosome.

Then the male reproductive cells mature into sperm. The cell is rebuilt, its tail and head are formed (Fig. 1).

Fig.1. The structure of the sperm. A - head; B - neck; C - tail.

After this transformation, the sperm is ready to travel in search of the egg. The process of sperm formation in humans is constant and takes 64 + 4 days. Their size reaches 70 microns. Due to the tail flagellum, the sperm is able to move. The speed of its movement in humans is 30-50 µm/sec. The male body produces millions of sperm. Unfortunately, over the past decades, the number of sperm in the ejaculate has been steadily decreasing. So, if in 1940 the norm was considered to be 113 million in 1 ml, then in 1990 this figure decreased to 66 million/ml and continues to fall. During this time, the total amount of ejaculate decreased. These data indicate a deterioration in the reproductive health of the male population, and perhaps even the feminization of men.

Sperm are formed in the convoluted tubules of the testicle, from which they enter the epididymis and then into the vas deferens (see “How boys are made”). All these formations are essentially tubes, the walls of which contain muscle fibers, thanks to the contraction of which the sperm move forward. From the seminal vesicles, a secretion is added to the sperm, which is a yellowish, viscous liquid containing proteins and fructose. The fluid of the seminal vesicles makes up the bulk of the ejaculate. Finally, the seminal fluid reaches the posterior urethra, where the secretion of the prostatic gland is added to it. Now the ejaculate is completely ready. In sperm, male reproductive cells make up only 5% of its total volume. The production of sperm in the male body occurs continuously throughout life and into old age. During his life, a man secretes on average about 20 liters of sperm.

During sexual intercourse, during ejaculation, sperm passes through the urethra and enters the vagina. Losing “comrades” along the way, sperm rush in search of an egg. The flagellum allows them to move. Within a few minutes after intercourse, sperm reaches the cervix, but most of them remain in the vagina and are then released. Sperm that enter the cervix remain viable for several hours. In order for sperm to move further, the mucus of the cervical canal must acquire certain properties, which happens in the middle of the menstrual cycle. The movement of sperm inside the uterus to the site of fertilization takes from 2 to 7 hours. Of the millions and millions of sperm that set off on the journey, only a few hundred make it to the fallopian tubes. “Desperate”, defective and inferior spermatozoa die along the way. Only the strongest and healthiest reach the final goal. Sperm lurk in the fallopian tubes and wait for ovulation to occur—the release of a mature female reproductive cell. In a viable state, sperm can remain in a woman’s reproductive tract for 24 to 48 hours.

Unlike a boy's testicles, a girl's ovaries already contain all the germ cells (ovocytes) at the time of birth. Oocytes are therefore more susceptible to chromosomal abnormalities than sperm. New germ cells are not formed in a woman’s body during her life. By the time of birth, a girl's ovary contains approximately 2 million oocytes. By the time of puberty, their number decreases to approximately 100 thousand and continues to decline further throughout the woman’s entire reproductive period. During a woman’s life, 300-350 ovulations occur in her body, i.e., opportunities to conceive a child.

During ovulation, the egg releases special substances that attract sperm. Once the sperm reaches the egg, the membranes of the two cells fuse to form a single cell.

But only one sperm can be lucky: immediately after fertilization, the membrane becomes impermeable to other sperm. The gate slammed shut.

We remember that each sex cell contains half the set of human chromosomes. Having merged, the sex cells restore the proper number of chromosomes. The sex of the unborn child depends on which sperm containing the X or Y chromosome penetrates the egg.

After fertilization, the embryo is implanted into the wall of the uterus, where its development continues.

All. Pregnancy has begun. Nothing depends on the man anymore.

from https://www.mir-malchikov.com

Recommendations by age

If you talk too early about the features of anatomy, the process of conception and gestation, birth, then you will get nothing but a negative reaction, crying, fear of growing up, disgust and psychological trauma. What forms of response correspond to different stages of growing up?

Preschool age

People have different mindsets, and this is noticeable from birth. Some people dream a lot, tend to imagine things abstractly, or strive to experience everything for themselves. And some are distinguished by prudence, restraint, and logic. This is important to consider when choosing a form of communication with a preschooler.

Possible forms of response:

1. A fairy tale about a prince and princess or two beautiful young people who fell in love with each other and began to live together. And over time, their strong feeling gave birth to a baby who absorbed the best qualities of his father and mother, and looked like each of them. You can tell your story of getting closer to your spouse in the form of a fairy tale.
2. A short and concise message about babies being born in the maternity ward of the hospital.
3. Detailed explanation. From the strong love of mom and dad, a baby was born in mom’s belly. At first he was tiny, helpless, tied to his mother’s navel, breathing and eating with her too. But gradually the child grew, became independent and wanted to get out of the tummy, and the doctor helped him with this. And although there is no physical connection between mother and child now, the son (daughter) is still the dearest person.

For a child at this age, it is not so much the content of the answer that is important, but the answer itself. This is the satisfaction of curiosity. But remember the general rules - do not shake the child’s trust in you.

Junior school age

At the age of 6 (7)–10 (11) years, the story about the power of love and the baby in the belly will have to be expanded. Usually children themselves want to know the details, they ask how the child got into the stomach. There is nowhere to go, we will have to lift the veil of a “terrible secret”: the child grew from a seed.

“What kind of seed? How did it get there?” the kid will ask. We delicately give a little more information: you know that mom and dad love each other very much. So much so that they sleep together, hugging each other tightly and kissing occasionally. And then one day dad’s seed got to mom. The child will accept this, especially since children usually witness the daily tenderness of their parents, the manifestation of their love for each other. This is normal and useful for the child’s assimilation of gender roles, the future building of relationships, the formation of ideas about the family, and the relationships of adults.

In addition, you can read a book with your child. For example, the work of Katerina Janusz “How was I born?” This book is intended for joint analysis of parents and children: mom or dad reads and explains along the way. The information is accompanied by colorful illustrations. Some parents even read it to preschoolers.

The book examines in detail the issue of childbirth: conception, pregnancy, childbirth, why girls or boys, twins are born. After reading it, the child learns that before birth he was a “tadpole” in “daddy’s pouch” and at the same time “a cell in mommy’s tummy.” Mom and Dad carried it inside like pieces of a puzzle all their lives, but they didn’t even know it.

The book also describes options for giving birth to a child: from the “mother’s hole” or by caesarean section (“the doctor cut out the door”). In general, the work is worthwhile, but I recommend that parents first read the book themselves and evaluate the suitability of the material to the child’s developmental level.

Middle classes

Middle grades correspond to early adolescence. This is a special, complex moment, the key element of which is identification, including gender-role identification. At this time, you need to talk about the features of the reproductive system, the structure of the genital organs, the subtleties of sexual contact and the specifics of sexual life.

The problem lies in the fact that teenagers are embarrassed to talk about this with their parents. And they react negatively to their invitation to talk. Or they may answer that everyone already knows. Yes, the Internet and older comrades are engaged in sexual education of young people, but often this takes on a perverted or selective nature. The topic of contraception, illness, unplanned pregnancy, etc. is omitted.

However, these are other topics that deserve a separate discussion. We will only touch on the issue of sexual intimacy and conception. We need to talk about this. But it is better to use the following forms:

• give the teenager an interesting, illustrated book, for example, “Frank conversation with a teenager about THIS” (authors A. Koteneva, E. Kashchenko);
• provide a link to a thematic site personally verified by parents;
• give a disc with an interesting lecture (video, film).

Offer the material and say that the teenager can watch it himself whenever he wants, whenever he needs it. And if something remains unclear or worrying, he can always turn to his parents.

What to say and what not to say

The question “where do children come from?” your child can ask you at any age. As we develop and receive new facts from the outside on the topic of childbirth, questions about this will appear again. It is important to understand that at the time of the conversation with the parents, the child will already have some destructured information. By and large, such a conversation is necessary for a child to “sort out” everything he knows, weeding out misinformation from the truth. In this regard, it is important for parents to always tell the truth and not tell tales that you heard in your childhood. If a child suspects you of lying, he will simply stop contacting you on issues that concern him, and will discuss it with people who are frank in conversations on any topic. Also, when talking about the nuances of childbirth, you should not be embarrassed, this can cause excessive unhealthy interest. Depending on the child’s age, it is necessary to provide him with the minimum information that will provide answers to all the child’s existing questions and will not cause an avalanche of additional questions.

Children should receive all basic knowledge about procreation and their own origins from their parents, and not from their peers on the street. In addition, by communicating with your young child about his birth, you can instill in his mind a moral position towards love and the value of family relationships, and with older children you can even discuss issues of choosing a sexual partner, contraceptive methods, mutual responsibility of partners in deciding to have child, etc.

Do not send your child for explanations to a parent of the same sex; if the child turned to you, it means that he trusts you more in this matter.

Let’s now try to figure out exactly what “portion” of information to provide to a child depending on his age. The age limits outlined below are approximate, and what to say to your child directly depends on his individual intellectual characteristics and awareness of anatomy, physiology and social activity.

Afterword

The choice of conversation form does not depend on the gender of the child. The age and individual characteristics of the child’s development are important: psyche, temperament, character, thinking. No one knows a child better than his parents. Therefore, any advice from a psychologist should be taken as a recommendation, and not an instruction for action.

And the age limits given in the article are arbitrary. Each child has his own pace of development. If he asks for more details, it means he needs to delve deeper into physiology and anatomy. Children's books about love and sex and children's health encyclopedias will help with this.

Adolescence: 11-16 years

11 – 16 years old is the most dangerous age. Children want to feel like adults, do not want to lag behind their peers and try in every possible way to get ahead of them. According to statistics, most teenagers begin their sexual life between the ages of 14 and 16 years. At this age, children rarely ask their parents about intimate relationships; they try to find out everything on their own. Now your main task is to bring your child to a conversation about sex and explain to him that sex is a responsibility, and engaging in it at such an early age is dangerous, not cool. It is necessary to discuss with teenagers the issues of preventing casual relationships, methods of contraception, types of sex and their consequences, the consequences of unwanted pregnancy, and serious sexually transmitted diseases. The most important thing is to instill in the teenager’s mind that sex is a serious responsibility that falls on both partners. Only people who love each other can approach such a responsible task competently and carefully, understanding that having children is possible only after the mother’s body is fully formed and pregnancy with subsequent birth does not threaten the life of the young mother and child. Mention the consequences of abortion, indicating that such an approach is unacceptable either from a moral or physiological point of view, since due to an abortion, a young mother may be completely deprived of the opportunity to have children in the future.

Safety rules when talking about it

Children's interest in sexual matters can arise at any age. During his dedication especially to human relations, the following recommendations must be observed:

1. Consider age. When talking with preschoolers, there is no need to delve into anatomy. This will be unnecessary and unclear for the baby. There is special literature that explains everything in pictures, but you shouldn’t give it too early.
2. Do not draw unnecessary attention to this topic.
3. Focus on feelings. At the age of 7-8 years, children begin to be embarrassed about this topic, but if they still start asking, it should be explained that the main role in this is played by people’s feelings towards each other.

Before you tell your child where babies come from, you should remember that physiological information is not so important. It is worth emphasizing that children appear in marriage to a man and woman who love each other.

What can you say to children 7-10 years old?

If earlier you had to talk about the basics of anatomy, then you can start talking about physiological changes, since puberty will soon begin. Boys need to be told about wet dreams, and girls about what menstruation is. This conversation is very important, as it will allow the child to prepare for these processes and not be afraid when turning to their parents.

You can also answer questions about first love, relationships between boys and girls, focusing on the fact that sex and having a child are only for adults, after they receive an education, have a job and housing, and provide for themselves and their families.

How to discuss a sensitive topic with a 5-7 year old child

Where a child might come from is often known at this age and parents are not asked. Children receive information from literature, the media, and from peers. But it is difficult for them to place it consistently in their consciousness. Parents can help with this.

The anatomical features of boys and girls should be introduced and conversations about sex should be planned. A variety of encyclopedias, layouts, educational videos and cartoons will come to the rescue. The conversation should be conducted without a feeling of shame, because these are natural things, so you need to behave as naturally as possible.

The explanation must begin with gender differences, then move on to the topic of relationships between family members. It is important to mention that only adults engage in sex, and children’s bodies are not prepared for it.

It must be said that there are parts of the body that no one can touch except himself. If there is an urgent need, they can be shown to mom, dad, or a doctor, but they should only look at them with permission. This is important because many victims of sexual assault say they didn't know it was wrong to be touched in certain places.

It is important to say that it is from the place located in the mother’s lower abdomen that children appear. But you shouldn’t delve into the fact that this is a very difficult and painful process, so as not to cause injury.

Conversation with a 3-5 year old child

This is the age at which interest in one's own origins first appears. I am not interested in the issues of conceiving children yet. They should be told that before birth, the baby is in the mother’s belly, where it is warm and safe, and when it becomes crowded, he gets out of there.

When asked how he got there, we can say that dad gave mom a grain from which the baby grew. This true story will help teach preschoolers about childbirth.

The importance of conversation

Don't shy away from the conversation and answer questions calmly, as if a child is asking you about everyday things.

Sex education experts recommend that parents not wait for their child to ask where children come from and then frantically figure out how to answer. It’s worth taking care of this in advance and thinking about what the correct answer might be.

You cannot completely ignore the topic or send your child to another parent. He will have the feeling that he asked something bad and forbidden.

Later, his peers can tell him everything, and not in a gentle way, but with unnecessary frightening details and a bunch of stereotypes.

Ignoring questions is also bad from a security point of view. In the modern world, when they began to openly talk about the harassment of children by adults, including through social networks, they need to be given an understanding of what is normal and what is not.

An example from parents, where dad and mom love each other, is also important for correct attitudes

It is also impossible to talk about everything at once in anatomical detail. The concepts of “sex”, “penis”, “vagina” and pictures showing everything in detail can easily shock an unprepared child.

Exploring this topic from a physiological point of view is important for adolescents who have already reached puberty.