All parents and adults close to the child strive to instill in him an understanding of morality and immorality, good and evil, what can and should be done, and what is best avoided. Honesty is one of the human virtues that is actively nurtured in all children. And at one point it turns out that, despite all the parental efforts and good intentions, the child is lying. He lies timidly or selflessly - these are individual cases, but for adults it becomes almost a tragedy: what will happen next to the baby and what kind of person will he grow up to be, if at such a young age he has learned to lie?
Signs that your offspring is deceiving you:
- The baby tries to hide his eyes, it is difficult for him to hide the truth, so he instinctively looks away.
- Internal awkwardness due to deception is reflected in reflexive movements and facial expressions: scratching the nose, head, neck, ear, touching the face, shifting from foot to foot, touching the collar, making sudden movements of the head.
- A false story is not easy for a child, so his speech is slow, confused and confused.
- Coughs or clears throat while talking.
- Repeats questions asked to him and often asks again.
- Often children, when lying, try to hide their hands, for example, in their pockets.
- Trying to hide behind a toy, for example.
- He delays the conversation, for example, suddenly decides to tie his shoelaces.
- The baby is obviously in an excited state.
If you discover that your child is lying, then do not rush to punish him, but try to first understand the reasons for the lie and only then look for a way to get out of the current situation.
Tips on how to stop a child from lying
A child does not have the desire to deceive his parents when he feels their support and knows that he is understood.
After all, kids often lie only because they are afraid to reveal the truth. So that the baby does not misinform adults, he should not put forward many demands, since often the offspring is simply physically unable to fulfill them all and, as a result, begins to deceive.
If a child has started to lie and there is an urgent question about how to wean him off, then in this case it is not recommended to interrogate the child and put pressure on him if he does not want to tell something. You just need to explain to him that his deception will greatly upset his parents, because honest people do not allow lies.
Children should be encouraged to tell the truth, even when they have confessed to wrongdoing. The child must be praised for his honesty, because it takes considerable courage to admit to an unseemly act. There is no need to punish for an offense; it is better to discuss the current situation, analyze it, and understand what exactly gave rise to such consequences.
Children need to be raised by their own example, so you should never lie in front of your children, or ask them to tell a lie, even for the sake of a supposedly good cause. However, if the baby has already witnessed forced parental lies, it is necessary to admit your own mistake and explain that sometimes situations happen when you have to resort to lies.
When to sound the alarm
Based on all of the above, it follows that children's imaginations are not a reason to panic. Scientists have found that a child’s first attempts at lying appear at about 3 years old; by the age of 5-6 years, children are already excellent at making up stories. This behavior is normal, but there is still no need to put the brakes on it. Otherwise, you can miss out on education and face a lot of problems.
There are situations in which it is necessary to immediately ring all the bells if a child begins to tell a lie. It is usually recommended to behave this way when:
- a minor uses lies as a means of manipulation;
- some serious truth is hidden;
- the lie led to serious negative consequences;
- fictional stories are accompanied by severe disobedience, damage to property, hooliganism and theft.
As a rule, in such circumstances, it is recommended to contact a family (but not a child) psychologist with your child. This specialist will help you understand why children started lying. He will try to correct the situation. Just don't be shy. A visit to a psychologist is not at all a visit to a psychoneurological dispensary. It really is sometimes necessary. Maybe the parents themselves are to blame for the fact that their children lie to them.
What lies at the heart of children's lies?
Imitation. It’s not for nothing that children are often compared to sponges that absorb other people’s emotions, examples for behavior and imitation, and so on. If a child witnesses lies, if he is constantly or often in a situation where people lie around him, especially adults and people who are authoritative for him, the baby begins to adopt a similar model of behavior. It seems to him that if mom or dad are telling a lie, then that’s what he should do. At other times, a child may begin to lie to his parents, as if acting out of spite, out of harm, wanting to show his capricious character. However, even for such behavior the child must have some kind of pattern. He may “pick up” a tendency to lie from a favorite character in a children’s book or see how other people lie to each other on the TV screen.
The desire to attract attention. Demonstrativeness is a very typical trait of childhood behavior, and it persists into adolescence.
When a child lacks attention from parents, friends, relatives, he begins to invent ways to get this attention. Many children begin to act precisely through lies. Lies can be harmless when a child fantasizes or embellishes some events in order to retain the attention of adults or peers longer. However, in some cases, lies can be very harsh and even frightening.
Pathological tendency to lie. The pathological form of lying is manifested by the fact that a child from an early age lies for no reason, on any topic. He does this almost constantly, feeling absolutely no remorse. No amount of talking or educational measures, no attempts to shame or scold the little liar bring any results. If such a tendency is expressed very clearly, it becomes a reason to visit a child psychiatrist or psychotherapist. There is a certain mental deviation when a person is not aware of his lies. For him, everything he voices is the true truth. It is impossible to convince such a person, just as it is impossible to make him feel guilty for lying. Such people need appropriate medical care.
Internal fears and concerns. Very often, a child lies to his parents when he is afraid of punishment, when he feels guilty in some situation. Not wanting to hear mom or dad swear at him, not wanting to stand in the corner, be responsible for some action or upset his parents, the child tries to get out of the situation with the help of lies. This behavior is typical of children who grow up in a very strict, harsh upbringing. If in the child’s mind the image of the father or mother is painted in gloomy tones, if the child experienced severe humiliation during punishment for an offense or the punishment created fear inside the child, the child will lie, assuming that this will protect him from the consequences.
Lying as defense of personal territory. This reason why a child lies is usually relevant for adolescence. It is teenagers who tend to understate a lot, exaggerate or, conversely, downplay, and hide some nuances from their parents. The lie in this case is an attempt to protect one’s personal territory, to close one’s inner world from curious and intrusive parents. A teenager often lies to his parents in order to seemingly teach them a lesson, to evade their active control, pressure, and guardianship.
Lies as a reaction to the microclimate in the family. There are often situations when a child shows his attitude towards family conflicts, dramas and situations precisely through lies. Lying occurs as a reaction to a quarrel between parents or any negative changes in the family. Often in such situations, children's lies are very closely intertwined with fantasies and fictitious images, so the child tries to protect himself from the negative impact of the family microclimate.
Resentment and desire for revenge. If a child is very offended by his parents for something, it is almost impossible to predict his behavior for sure. Wanting to take revenge for his feelings and emotions, a child may begin to behave disobediently, be capricious a lot, protest, show negativism and often lie. Anger at parents becomes an excellent basis for the formation of lies.
Varieties
You cannot condemn a child or a teenager for cheating. Older generations also lie to obtain material benefits, recognition, love. Depending on the motives that prompt a child to lie, experts divide lies into several types.
Justification. A measure taken to avoid punishment or conflict.
Manipulation for good. They help defuse tense situations. Sometimes they look like an innocent joke, a funny nonsense.
Scam. Deliberate misrepresentation of facts to achieve advantage.
Boasting. Exaggeration of one's own qualities, attribution of non-existent privileges.
Fantasies. Psychologists do not classify this type of fiction as a lie. Moreover, experts urge parents to encourage the child, helping in this way to develop imagination and creative skills.
Each manifestation of a lie is controlled by the instinct of self-preservation, that is, by a deeply positive intention. For this reason, it is common for a person to lie, regardless of age. But this fact does not justify the baby; it requires sensitive control on the part of the parent. Otherwise, you risk releasing a qualified and sophisticated master of manipulation into society.
Reasons for children's lies
But the list of reasons for children's lies does not end there. This also includes:
• the child's desire not to be punished;
• desire to attract attention to oneself;
• whether there are any problems that need to be resolved;
• avoidance of stressful situations;
• adults or children set this example.
Children under 6 years old often make up different stories, trying with all their might to prove that it is true, and they themselves believe in them. This usually occurs due to a child's inability to draw the line between fiction and reality.
In fact, these stories are not lies, but, on the contrary, show how developed the child’s imagination is. But if, even after 6 years, stories continue to appear with the same regularity, and a clear line between truth and lies has not appeared, then this is a signal for parents that they should find out the reasons for such fantasies and try to cope with them.
If a child has already crossed the seven-year mark, but the lie remains, and all internal reserves have already been exhausted, then this may indicate that he has some problems, so now the help of a professional child psychologist is needed.
Self-control helps
What to do if a 10 year old child is lying? Psychologists' advice tends to vary depending on the specific situation. First you need to understand what the root cause of children's lies is. We will have to build on this further.
In any case, parents should not lose self-control, no matter how much the child lies. Self-control and calm are the keys to successful dialogue with children. This is the only way mom or dad will be heard.
You just need to exhale, count to ten and accept the fact that adults, in particular parents, are usually to blame for children's lies. If you understand and accept this, it will be much easier not to lose your composure.
Afterword
The personal example of parents provides a greater educational effect than moral teaching. If a child lies, then he either copies his parents, or protects his psyche from unsafe external conditions, for example, aggression from peers in kindergarten, an authoritarian style of upbringing in a family or educational institution.
Children's lies can hardly be called lies, since children do not yet possess this art. This is, rather, fantasy, which, if adults react incorrectly, develops into a lie. Fantasy helps children cope with difficulties, for example, surviving their parents' divorce, getting rid of loneliness and fears.
There is no need to punish a child for the slightest invention. But you need to make sure that lies are not based on selfish motives, and that fantasies do not tear you away from reality and do not drag you into the world of illusions.
Lying as a way to adapt to society
By judging children for slander, we adults forget about our own behavior. Even in the most decent society there is not a righteous person who does not commit a morally shameful act once a day. Why? Lies of various forms are firmly rooted in the minds of every person and have become an integral part of communication. Flattery, silence, exaggeration, distortion of facts, slander are ways of adapting an individual to the conditions of a particular social group.
Agree, it is unbearable to talk with an opponent who tells the truth everywhere at every opportunity. If you are well-bred, you understand perfectly well where you can keep silent, downplay, or, on the contrary, embellish. Such manipulations facilitate dialogue, smooth out rough edges, and provide a level of comfort and personal safety. In other words, they help us survive.
The average person on the planet lies up to 4 times a day. What can we say about kids who are just learning the rules of the game called life? Therefore, let's put judgment aside and delve into the situation from a psychological point of view.
A child is lying: how parents should respond to children’s lies
In a situation where a child is lying, parents do not always know what to do. One thing is clear: whatever the reasons why a child is lying, you should respond immediately. If a child manages to deceive, he will resort to lying more and more often. And this is the reason why the problem cannot be ignored.
Psychologists have developed a number of invaluable recommendations on what should be the correct reaction of parents to children's lies.
1. First of all, you should express your unconditional trust in the child. Question the fact of lying, especially if someone else is blaming. Say that you will certainly look into the situation, but first discuss it with your child. This way you will kill three birds with one stone: show respect for the child, demonstrate that under any circumstances he can count on you, and also give him a chance to confess. Under no circumstances attack your child with accusations and reproaches on the basis that someone considers him guilty. Even in court, the offender has the right to tell about his crime in order to prove his innocence. Listen to the child!
2. If you yourself discover a lie, you must let your child understand this. You should convey dispassionately that you feel like the child has deceived you. And again, this should not be presented as a fait accompli. Let him have the opportunity to confess. This will help your child not be afraid to reveal details. After all, the need to get out and hide will disappear.
3. Next, convince the child of the need to identify the reason that prompted him to do this. Before this, it should be frankly said that there are cases when people cheat, even though it is bad. This will calm the child, he will be ready to explain his action. First, ask directly why the child lied. If it is difficult for him to answer, help with clarifying questions and assumptions, carefully observing the child’s reaction. You can consider that you have established the reason only when the child confirms and explains it.
4. Ask how the child felt when faced with a problem that pushed him to lie. How he felt when he lied. Was it difficult for him to do this? Did he think that the problem could be resolved differently? Try to discuss the situation in detail. Prove the advantages of the honest path. Emphasize that lying does not solve the problem, but only makes the situation worse and worsens the relationship. Admit that, with the help of lies, you managed to postpone the problem until later. But also show the other side of the lie: explain with an example how it served as a magnet and attracted other unpleasant events and sensations.
5. Offer to find the right way out together. Consider alternative solutions to similar problems should they arise in the future.
6. Promise your child that you will not punish him in such situations if he comes to you and honestly confesses. There is one condition: a veto on breaking this very serious promise. Because if you do not keep your word and deceive the child, then by your action you will pave the green way for the development of his secrecy.
7. Tell me how you felt when you found out about the deception. Don't be afraid to look too sentimental. Describe how hurt you were. Offer to switch places. Let your child think about how he would feel if you deceived him.
8. At some stage of the conversation, condemn the child’s action. Be sure to say that deception does no one any good, and explain why. At the same time, the child should feel that you are not judging him, but only how he acted this time. And that you still respect and love him.
Well, now you know how to behave when faced with manifestations of childish deception. But if, after a frank conversation, the child still often lies, the advice of a psychologist who will delve into your situation will be very useful to you.
Fear of punishment
The most obvious and probably the most common reason for children's lies is fear of punishment. In other words, a child who deceives out of fear of punishment is already a person, and an important and valuable practical conclusion follows from this: it is quite possible to talk to him like an adult, you can explain to him something about the laws of cause and effect, about the rules of behavior and about what happens in the soul of the deceiving person and in the soul of the deceived... If you have come to the conclusion that the main reason why your child often tells you lies is precisely the fear of punishment, you have to work in two directions.
First, critically analyze the punishment system adopted in your family.
Maybe you are too strict as a child and often punish him for trifles? Another important point regarding punishment: the child must clearly understand why exactly he was punished! Alas, we are often led by blind emotions: with our bad behavior, our beloved child causes us pain and resentment, and we strive to repay him in kind - insult for insult, pain for pain... It is impossible to do without punishment at all, but you can punish a child correctly, but you can - anyhow. When a child really deserves punishment, try to make it understandable.
The best punishment is natural, when an unpleasant consequence directly follows from the act, and the child suffers not from parental arbitrariness, but exclusively from the consequences of his own actions.
Believe me, children are very fair. A child, as a rule, is not afraid of punishment as such, but rather its injustice, its disproportion to the offense. Having done something bad, he first of all punishes himself: he is tormented, he knows that he did something bad (otherwise he would not have lied!), the lie itself also does not bring any pleasure. Thus, the feeling of guilt is oppressive, and the child does not see a way out of the situation. In addition, although he hopes for some kind of magical resolution to the situation (“no one will find out anything and everything will somehow correct itself”), he is in constant fear, and double fear - the crime may be revealed, and he will be punished separately for deception .
But you really are adults, reasonable, loving and almost omnipotent. Help the confused liar, remove this burden from him. Not so that it becomes easy and carefree for him, but so that he learns to constructively solve problems that arise, and not hide his head in the sand. The liar is in a trap - so show him where the way out is. Honestly, education is not about pointing out your child’s mistakes and shortcomings over and over again, but about teaching him how to effectively cope with difficulties.
If a child has done something wrong, your task is not to make him feel guilty, but to show him how to fix it. Lying caused by fear of punishment requires parents to work in two directions. The first is to reconsider your approaches to punishment. But the matter does not end there.
Secondly, you need to teach your child the correct attitude towards his mistakes and misdeeds.
When we ask you to treat the little liar with sympathy and understanding, we do not mean at all that the child should not be punished and reproached for lying, since he himself understands everything and is aware of the ugliness of his actions. Yes, the moral foundation has already been laid, but, of course, it is far from formed - only the very first steps have been taken. And in order for a child to truly grow up to be a morally full-fledged person, a lot of work will still have to be done - unlike eye color, such qualities are not inherited by themselves.
It is very important to show your child how his lies upset you. It is necessary for him to know: for an offense “decorated” with deception, unpleasant consequences come in double volume
The more open and trusting your relationship with your child is, the easier it will be for you to cope with this problem.
It is important to convince the child that any mistake can be corrected. A wrongdoing can almost always be corrected, or, as a last resort, you can somehow come to terms with it.
But deception cannot be corrected!
What should parents do?
It is better, of course, to immediately prevent the habit from becoming established. When you first notice that your child has begun, for example, to regularly put his finger in his mouth, you need to gently but clearly stop him. And then you need to offer the baby some kind of replacement for this action. You can distract him with some interesting tasks, joint activities, games. Observe when he does this repetitive action and when he doesn’t.
Use these observations to direct his attention away from this activity next time.
While the habit has not yet formed, explain to your child why you are asking him not to do this. The main thing is not to react to this behavior too emotionally; you should not scold or punish for it.
Try not to focus attention on this, and also not to discuss the child’s behavior as a problem with other people, especially in front of your son or daughter. Your attitude towards this habit greatly influences the child, because he takes on your emotions, feeling even more anxiety and tension
If possible, protect your child from stressful situations and unnecessary tension. It is clear that it is impossible to eliminate all negative events from life and avoid worries. However, try for some time while weaning your child from the habit not to travel anywhere, maintain a stable daily routine, monitor his academic workload, and meet new people infrequently, so that he has a minimum of additional stress during this period.
If it turns out that your child is afraid of something, deal with his fears. This can be done either in consultation with a psychologist or at home using art therapy methods.
It is important to accept the child’s feelings so that he subsequently learns to recognize his own emotions, express them in words, and not accumulate them inside. You can show an example of constructive behavior by expressing the feelings that arise in you and the child himself during conflict situations
At the same time, it is important to calmly withstand his negative feelings, showing that he has the right to them. In this way, emotional intelligence will develop, which is an important component of the child’s health and success in the future.
Improve family relationships, create an atmosphere of warmth and psychological safety at home. If you notice that there are a lot of conflicts in your family, try to figure out what is causing them, how you yourself feel, and what you personally can do to correct the situation. This will not only help you deal with your child’s negative habit, but will also bring many other positive changes in your life.
Why do children and teenagers start lying?
What reasons prompt a child to deceive you? Why does a child lie so often?
Fear of punishment
If you are raising your child in an excessively strict manner, then do not be surprised when you find out that he is hiding something from you or even lying to you. He does this consciously in order to avoid reproaches from his parents.
Complexes
Children may lie to exaggerate their importance and not feel inferior. Especially in front of strangers, kids can endow themselves with the qualities they would like to have.
Love for parents
No matter how strange it may sound, sometimes, in order not to upset mom and dad, the baby resorts to deception. He won’t say that it was he who painted the new wallpaper and cut off all the buttons from your dress, just so as not to upset your peace of mind.
Prohibition on expressing emotions
Often, parents prohibit their children from expressing their feelings and experiences. But a child is not a robot! If you forbid him to express the entire range of emotions (from joy and happiness to anger and irritation), then he may withdraw into himself and begin to lie in order to avoid unnecessary negative attention.
Lack of attention
The baby may lie that something hurts or he is scared just so that you pay more attention to him, talk to him, touch him. Children also deceive others with stories about their family, which are often untrue. For what? To get new listeners, make his parents understand what he dreams of and, ultimately, be the center of attention.
The desire to assert oneself
The psychological reason for lying, typical, as a rule, of adolescents. At a certain age, a child feels an urgent need for isolation, independence and personal space. Not all parents adequately respond to such changes in the behavior and desires of their child and stubbornly try to get involved in his life. Nothing but deception and quarrels can be expected.
Often, a lie can be an indicator of the relationship between children and parents, that is, in this way the child shows his distrust of you and his reluctance to talk honestly about some things that are important to him. In this case, it is on the part of the adult, as the wiser and more experienced, that the first steps towards eradicating the problem should be taken.
Desire to have secrets and personal boundaries
A 10-year-old child is lying - what to do? Parents need to remember themselves at this age. Most likely, everyone had some secrets of their own. And I wanted to keep them secret from my parents or relatives. Such a desire can lead to lies.
Under such circumstances, there is no need to punish, or “lecture” about the dangers of lying. How to behave? It was as if nothing had happened. Let the child have his own harmless secrets. Everyone has the right to them. And even a mother and father cannot violate the personal boundaries of even small, but still individual people.
Over time this will pass. The child will outgrow and learn not to lie, but to keep secrets secret so that he does not have to discuss them with other people at all. Respect for the right to personal space has a beneficial effect on education in general. For example, you can reduce the likelihood of violent protest during puberty to a minimum.
Reasons for lying
Children lie for a variety of reasons, but they are not much different from those of adults: maintaining personal dignity, protecting inner peace, maintaining safety and relationships, and attracting attention.
Psychologist E. N. Korneeva conducted a survey among children 4-7 years old, in which she found out why they lie:
- so that mom doesn’t scold (40%);
- so that parents do not punish or forbid playing with the children (15%);
- to outsmart others (7%);
- for the sake of self-satisfaction (0.2%).
The rest of the respondents (37.8%) are convinced that lying is bad. Only bad people do this.
Let's look at the reasons for lying in more detail.
The desire to look better, more prestigious in someone's eyes
If a child understands that he is surrounded by people for whom the main value is material wealth, then he will quickly accept this game. “We have three TVs, five cars, our own villa and a yacht,” “I have a hundred different airplanes at home.” This is true for any achievements: “I can already read”, “I can write without errors”, “yesterday I flew on a plane”, “I petted a tiger”, “I also have an iPhone at home, even two, just I don’t carry them with me,” etc.
If in the presence of a child someone boasts of real or fictitious achievements, then he will respond in kind. Sometimes the lie reaches unrealistic proportions, but the other child is still poorly oriented in the real world. So a peer is unlikely to see through a lie. Children do this to adapt, master a social role, join a group, and maintain self-esteem.
Lies as protection of the inner world
A child is a person, an independent unit. He has his own personal space, his own world. Not all parents understand this, which is why they regularly “attack” their child. Every child has the right to privacy, his own opinion, preferences, likes, and personal life. If parents try to extract everything from him down to the smallest detail, demand that he talk about everything or obey their choice, then lies will not be long in coming.
Popular wisdom says: “The strictest parents raise the most skillful liars.” So a girl who is forbidden to go out with boys learns to lie about where and with whom she is. And a child whose access to a computer is restricted finds another place to access it. Sometimes parents, by their own severity, push their children into dangerous acquaintances and running away from home.
Lies to save relationships
If a child knows that he has done something that will upset his parents, such as breaking a vase, he will try to hide it. Lies manifest themselves in the form of silence, but this is caused by a sincere desire to maintain peace and tranquility in the house. The child believes that if the truth is unknown, then nothing happened.
Lying as a way to stay safe
Preschoolers and primary schoolchildren are well versed in social norms and rules of behavior. They know what is good and what is bad and what they can be punished for. But at the same time, they learn that they can avoid punishment by lying.
Let’s imagine that a child took someone’s toy (he didn’t know that he needed to ask permission, wanted to be mischievous, or was simply jealous and wanted the same thing), and the adults did not understand the reasons, scolded and punished the child. The intonations, appearance of adults, and threats are frightening. The child has no choice: he must lie to save his life. Then he says that it was given to him or lent to him, or he found it.
Already at 3-4 years old, children are able to hide the truth or invent an exculpatory story in order to avoid punishment. But this is not an adult lie; such stories look strange and funny. For example, a child may say that a mouse or bear cubs stole the candy from the table. At 5-6 years old, stories look more realistic. And the more often and more diligently parents try to catch their child in this, the more skillfully he learns to lie.
Lying as an attraction
This form is more common in families with several children, when there is a spirit of competition and jealousy. If a child does not have enough attention, then he may lie, exposing his brother or sister.
Basic recommendations
- Before you reproach your offspring for lying, look at yourself. The ideal role model of parental behavior is not always the right example. How many times have you lied to your child? Even the most insignificant deception will never escape the attention of the little man. And if you can lie, then why can’t he?
- You may not be able to establish lost psychological contact with your child on the first try. Don't give up, try again and again. Just don’t break down or swear if the child continues to lie. Show him your love time after time. Talk about her. Explain that now you are a little upset after learning about his lies, but you still love him. And again try to establish contact.
- Offer your offspring your solution to his problems. Let him know that he will always find support and participation in you. If your baby starts sharing his fears or successes with you, then you are doing everything right.
- Don’t force a promise from your child to never lie again. And even more so, do not threaten with punishment and all heavenly punishments. Pressure on pity is also a dirty trick. Remember how, when he was still little, he snuggled up to you and felt sorry for his mother’s bo-bo? This pity of love for you will make him lie even more. And the promise to stop should be made on the initiative of the child himself and nothing more!
- As you know, crime is better prevented. Start young. Watch appropriate cartoons with your baby, read fairy tales, and make up stories for him. Teach to tell the truth from childhood. And at the same time, teach them to remain tactfully silent so as not to offend. After all, you didn’t lie, you simply remained silent. Just be sure to write down the moments when you can do this and when you can’t.
How to stop a child from lying? Gain his trust, give your attention and support. Love your child
At any age and mood.
How to understand why a child is lying: reasons for children's lies
Most parents think that children lie to get what they want and avoid consequences and punishment. >These are common reasons, but there are also some less obvious reasons why children may not tell the truth, or at least the whole truth.>
A child lies because he is afraid of punishment
It is difficult for a child not to lie when he knows that telling the truth will lead to an unpleasant outcome. Therefore, understanding all these reasons, we need to create such conditions in the family so that the child can easily tell us everything as it is.
For example, a child tore his new trousers on the street, and when he came home, he carefully hid them. When asked by his parents where the pants are, he answers that he doesn’t know, because... afraid that adults will punish for damaging things. This behavior is relevant in families where parents often punish the child, including physically.
The child wants to protect the parent from worries and disappointments
All people make mistakes, but when you have to be perfect and obedient in the eyes of your parents, it is very difficult to allow yourself to make mistakes
Some people don’t pay attention to their mistakes, but there are children who are more sensitive to criticism
When such a child has done something that, in the parent’s opinion, is bad: soiled his clothes, lost his phone, forgot to do his homework, it is very difficult for him to admit and it is easier to hide these facts so that they will not be disappointed in him.
The child does not lie, he embellishes reality
It happens that children want to embellish a situation in order to impress others and gain more weight in the eyes of others. This happens when a child feels that as he is, he is not good enough.
Instead of scolding, he needs to be understood and reassured that everything is fine with him and there is absolutely no need to invent things about himself that are not really there. A child should feel unique and important in this world simply because he exists.
The child does not lie on purpose, but to test new behavior.
Matthew Rouse, a clinical psychologist at the American Institute of Children's Mental Health, believes that one of the reasons why children lie is that they have discovered this new idea and are trying to test it, as with most behaviors, to see what happens. . That is, they do not always realize that this is a lie and this cannot be done.
Children can deliberately lie in order to see from experience what consequences await them and draw a conclusion.
Children's lies as psychological defense
Fantasy for children works as a psychological defense that helps them cope with some difficult circumstances. For example, a child’s dog died. He doesn’t want to believe it and fantasizes that the dog actually just ran away and lives in the forest.
At the same time, he himself begins to believe in this fantasy so much that he tells others about it. In this case, we cannot say that the child is deceiving. He uses fantasy to protect himself from painful experiences for which he was not prepared. In his subjective inner world, the dog really lives in the forest. And he believes it.
Trying to separate from parents
Often children try to show us that they need personal space, avoid control and set their own boundaries. For example, a child may lie that he read a book or did his homework just because his wishes do not coincide with the wishes of his elders.
He may want to draw, sing or sew, but not read. Therefore, by lying, the child seems to show that he has his own personal boundaries and time.
Increase self-esteem and gain approval>>
Children who lack confidence >> may tell big lies to make themselves appear more impressive, special, or talented, boost their self-esteem, and look good to others. >>
Dr. Matthew Rouse remembers treating an eighth-grader who was wildly exaggerating events in his life. For example, a boy said that he went to a party and everyone started singing for him when he walked in the door.>>
Attract attention
Children with anxiety >> or depression >> may lie about their symptoms to get the attention of adults or friends. Children can invent imaginary illnesses, tragic stories and in every possible way convince others of this.>>. Or, conversely, they may minimize their problems by saying things like, “No, no, I slept well last night,” because they don't want people to worry about them.>>
Or, conversely, they may minimize their problems by saying things like, “No, no, I slept well last night,” because they don't want people to worry about them.>>
A child lies out of fear
This often happens in families where children are raised too strictly. It's not just about physical punishment - reprimands, deprivation of pleasures or restriction of freedom make the child feel humiliated. Children often deceive their parents when they break or lose something, tear or stain their clothes, or eat sweets. They cannot objectively assess the scale of what happened, but if the parents are too sensitive to material values or are too harsh in choosing the method of punishment, then the child has no other choice than to try to deceive them.
There will be no need for lying if you explain to your child that it is normal if something is broken, teach how to handle the items that are most valuable to you, and remove the most expensive ones from free access. Similar rules need to be established for clothing. If children very often tear it or get it dirty, select suitable wardrobe items for outdoor games that neither you nor the child will feel sorry for. Reconsider your behavior - do you emphasize material difficulties too often? All things eventually fall into disrepair, but one should not expect a child to treat them with care - his need to understand the world is much stronger than material reasons. At every opportunity, show your children how to correct what happened - this will not only reduce the likelihood of cheating, but will also teach children to look for a good way out of difficult situations.
Often a child is forced to lie about his school successes - he is afraid of punishment for a low grade. Try to contain your dissatisfaction and help the student: together determine why this happened, understand the subject, think about how to correct the grade. The same applies to any school conflict - quarrels with peers or teachers. If a child deceives you, it means that he is sure that instead of support and help he will receive punishment.
Encourage candor and emphasize that you value honesty. Don’t sort things out rashly, let everyone calm down. In any case, the punishment for the offense must be fair and proportionate. If a child admits something on his own, the punishment should be much lighter than in the case of deception.
A CHILD IS LYING – HOW SHOULD PARENTS BEHAVIOR?
Sometimes the answer to the question of how to stop a child from lying suggests itself
- For example, if children are afraid of something and lie because of it, it is necessary to discuss the problem with them and try to solve it together. Perhaps the baby’s fears are associated with some kind of mental disorder, for example, neurosis. In this case, to solve the problem, special psychological techniques are used, as well as medication - sedatives that help normalize the state of the nervous system. In the treatment of childhood neuroses, the drug Tenoten for children has proven itself to be positive.
- If your children lack your attention, then you need to find an opportunity to be together more often.
- If a little person is not confident in his abilities or has low self-esteem, he should consult a psychologist who will help him understand and believe in himself.
- If children lie in order to avoid punishment, reconsider your requirements for the child; perhaps they are too high? Avoid harsh judgments and teach your child to take responsibility. Having learned to admit his mistakes and correct them, the child will not hide behind lies.
The child copies the behavior of adults
Not everyone can be completely truthful in small things. The child constantly sees that his parents are deceiving others: they refer to urgent matters or illnesses in order to refuse to fulfill a request, they make friends with the “right people”, speak unflatteringly about them “behind their backs”, and do not fulfill their promises.
The child is not yet able to distinguish ordinary lies from the so-called “white lies,” and the insincere behavior of the parents becomes a model of behavior for him. In such an environment, no educational measures to develop honesty can have a positive effect. If mom and dad want their child not to lie, they will have to follow this rule themselves: to be honest not only towards the child, but also towards other people. It is important that if you cannot keep a promise, admit your mistake and apologize - this will be a sign for the child that you realize that you acted dishonestly and feel guilty.
The same rules should apply to the child. Don't feign interest in his activities or hobbies. If you don’t have time to look at the drawings that he wants to show off to you, tell him about it honestly. Agree that you will do this later and be sure to keep your promise. Be sincere in justifying your actions and prohibitions - this will benefit other aspects of development.
