Why your baby pushes you away: 8 possible reasons and solutions

IN THIS ARTICLE:

1. The child had a bad day
2. He's recovering from a tantrum
3. The kid is upset because of your behavior and doesn’t know how to talk about it yet
4. He becomes more independent
5. At the moment, your child is “friends” with dad
6. He's not too sentimental
7. The baby is not feeling well
8. He is very angry, so he behaves badly

The mood of children from 1 to 3 years old changes as often as the weather outside. Now the baby can sit sweetly in your arms and squeeze your neck tightly, and in a minute push you away. For example, he no longer allows himself to be kissed and wants to play alone. At such moments, mothers are at a loss as to what happened to their beloved child. We will tell you why this happens and how to behave in such situations.

The child had a bad day

Each of us has days when we want to hide from everyone in the world. Kids are no exception to the rule. It may seem to adults that children get upset over mere trifles. But failures and disappointments lead to the fact that for some time the baby does not want to communicate with anyone. Perhaps today he did not wait in line for his favorite swing in the park, or the kindergarten teacher reprimanded him. But in any case, the baby does not want you to kiss or hug him at the moment.

Solution.

Respect the child's wishes and give him the opportunity to be alone with himself. At the same time, he should know that you are always ready to support him. He may need your help after he has dealt with his emotions on his own.

Five ways from a psychologist to feed your little one healthy food

What to do in a situation when the pediatrician says that everything is fine, you have checked the diet, the instinct of self-preservation has not disappeared anywhere, but the child still refuses to eat? This means there are some external problems. The advice of our psychologists will help you cope with them.

Don't put pressure on your child

Children are sensitive to adults' emotions, especially negative ones. Treat an uneaten meal calmly: if you haven’t eaten, it means you’re not hungry

If this is not an important problem for the baby, then you should not sound the alarm. Don't try to feed him at any cost.

• Never try to force feed a child, don’t threaten (like “If you don’t eat it, I’ll pour it on your head”) - don’t break his will.
• Never scold your child when he eats, for poor appetite, a stain on his clothes or behavior - eating will be associated with negative emotions.
• Never shove the spoon; if the child stubbornly closes his mouth and moves the plate away, he is full and there is no need to overfeed him.
• Never punish your child with food.

Learn to distinguish whims from satiety. Keep calm. It is better to place a dish with healthy snacks - fruits and chopped vegetables - in a prominent place. When the child gets hungry, he will come and eat. The instinct of self-preservation cannot be fooled.

Make meals a family ritual

Rituals that are repeated day after day help children feel safe. How to make a tradition out of an ordinary lunch? Very simple. Lay a colorful tablecloth or oilcloth on the table, place beautiful dishes, and lay out napkins. Sit down for dinner or lunch with the whole family. Turn off the TV so that it does not distract your child. Talk at the table: how the day went, what interesting things happened, about plans for tomorrow. Let the child see that eating is something interesting, calm and pleasant; of course, he himself will want to take part in the family meal.

Set a positive example

Do you want your child to eat properly and at the same time? Then do the same yourself:

• eat yourself only when you are hungry - after sleep, at lunch, after a walk
• try to have breakfast, lunch and dinner at a certain time,
• limit food intake by time - 20-30 minutes, portions should be small;
• try not to snack between meals, and if you do, choose fruits and vegetables;
• give preference to healthy, varied foods; it is not necessary to fall into fashionable food “religions”;
• make sure that the child receives enough vegetables, meat, fruits, fish, and grains;
• Offer products according to age, prepare new dishes regularly.

Agree, it is dishonest to demand that your baby eat an entire bowl of soup when you yourself are having lunch with a delicious sandwich or curbing your appetite with chocolate. Our eating habits are formed in childhood, and what they will be like for a child depends only on you.

Serve the dish beautifully

Few people like boring porridge, but if you put a cheerful face on it with berries, then eating it is much more fun and interesting, right? It doesn’t take much time to create an unusual design for a familiar dish. Sausages with spaghetti “hair”, a mouse made of cottage cheese with raisin eyes and a cheese tail, bell pepper cars will delight any little one. Give your child his own dishes, let there be a funny picture at the bottom of the plate or cup: to see it, you will have to eat everything.

Find a compromise

If a child doesn’t want to eat vegetables, offer fruit, if he refuses chicken, cook pork or beef, if he doesn’t like boiled vegetables, bake them, maybe even with the same chicken or cutlet. Offer food several times, but only without irritation or anger in your voice. There is always a dish that he especially likes, which he will eat with pleasure. Try involving your child in cooking. Entrust him with what he is able to do: sprinkle cheese on the pizza, make a dough ball, etc. Be sure to thank him for his help in front of everyone.

The most important thing, psychologists say, is to be patient. As a rule, by the age of 10-12 years, young children begin to eat well. Your task is to help him develop proper eating behavior so that he does not have health problems in the future.

He's recovering from a tantrum

The kid did something wrong and you put him in a “time out”? Or deprived him of his favorite toy for tonight? Don't be surprised if he now ignores you or pushes you away. There is a logical explanation for this: the little one is trying to show you that he is offended. Or perhaps he was just tired. If the baby defended his rights by screaming and rolling on the floor in hysterics, his strength dried up.

Solution.

Recognize that your child has a right to be upset. Think about your feelings after a quarrel with your husband or girlfriend. Surely you also need to wait some time before you make peace. In this, children are no different from adults.

Before leaving your child alone with his emotions, tell him that you understand him. For example: “I know why you don’t want to talk to me. You're mad that I didn't let you run around in the parking lot, right?" Let the little one know that you are looking forward to when he wants to hug you. Don't forget to add that you love your child no matter what. Even in moments when he doesn't listen.

Simple ways to improve your relationship with your son

If contact with the child has been lost, and parents dream of regaining their former trust and mutual understanding, you need to remember simple ways that will help a lot:

1. Try not to interfere in the child’s personal life, give him the opportunity to make his own choices.
2. Give advice when the child asks for it.
3. Talk more often about how much you love your child and how much you miss him.
4. Send family photos if you are at a distance, or look through family albums if you live nearby.
5. Don't call many times a day, but make one call that will replace hours of useless conversations.
6. Don't yell at your adult son: the psychology of relationships is not so simple.
7. Pay more attention to your grandchildren.
8. Communicate with your son’s beloved woman, accept her as your daughter, and not your main enemy.
9. Invite your children to your dacha to harvest crops, renovate a house, or go fishing together.
10. Tell your child that everything will work out, just try to wait a while and you will get the result.

If you follow at least some of these recommendations, the atmosphere in the house is guaranteed to change, and all scandals will stop forever.

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Raising a child from birth

How does the birth of a child affect family life?

The kid is upset because of your behavior and doesn’t know how to talk about it yet

The emotional life of a child is very difficult: he tries to express his feelings, but is not yet able to do it correctly with the help of words. Let's consider two possible situations:

• you had to leave for some time and leave the baby with your husband. He may miss you a lot and at the same time be angry that you did this;
• a newborn appears in the family, with whom you spend more time. And your older child is very upset about this.

In all such cases, know that the baby is overwhelmed with feelings, but he does not yet know how to express them like an adult.

Solution.

If you suspect that your baby is behaving this way because of a lack of your attention, talk openly with him. Gently ask: “Are you upset because I didn’t play with you much today?” After that, listen to the little one without any comments and do not judge him.

Pay attention!

When a child is angry or upset, he may say some not very nice things to you. For example: “Mom, you are no good!” Do not take it to heart. The feelings of young children change very quickly. And one of the best ways to let your baby figure them out is to talk to mom.

Does the child not love his mother?

However, it seems to me that mothers sometimes exaggerate the scale of the disaster - although it happens that they downplay it, not wanting to see the obvious. So, let's figure out what could be the reason for “dislike”.

A child up to about 2 years old really loves his mother, any one. Another thing is that the models of relationships in the family are different: in one, a child is even allowed to beat his mother, and nothing will happen for this (the danger is that such behavior can take hold); and in the other, it will be perceived as nonsense and will not happen again.

Therefore, hitting and kissing is not an indicator of love for the mother. These are just options for expressing yourself and attracting attention.

Or perhaps the relationship with the mother is really not very good, the mother is strict, or cold, or simply overwrought, and the child wants to get her attention in any way - well, even this way, even with bad behavior, beating and biting.

Another point why mothers complain more often about “bad attitude” than fathers: simply because the mother is with the child all day. And daddy’s attention is guaranteed anyway, he doesn’t see the child for so long: when he leaves for work he kisses him, when he comes home from work he plays with him, gives him a bath before going to bed - and this is even the most optimistic scenario. And mom - here she is, she’s not going anywhere, she’s always available. Therefore, often in the first years of a baby’s life, dad is only an object of love, and mom is also a field for experimentation.

In addition, let’s not forget that mom often has all the household and “police” (disciplinary) - that is, unpleasant - functions, and dad is a holiday: he came, smiled, brought something, took him in his arms. And mom all day long boo-boo-boo and boo-boo-boo, don’t touch, don’t go there - why be surprised that the baby frowns?

In the first years of life, dad is an object of love, and mom is also a field for experimentation. Photo: Depositphotos

But as for older children, 3-5 years old, although they have a colossal need to love their mother, the child is not always lucky with his mother. The fate of such a baby is not easy: the vital need for love is not satisfied (if the mother is angry, overly strict, even cruel, or indifferent), it is driven to the back of the soul, from which big problems arise later.

Growing up, children who failed to properly love their mother and father rush into marriage with the first person they meet or go into a deliberately losing relationship, because the need to love accumulates colossally, plus self-doubt, which most often comes with a couple. However, when it comes to all this, and dislike, that’s it, is already manifesting itself: a child can avoid his mother or be cruel to her, or behave defiantly with her - there are a lot of options.

The critical point is the child’s passage through the so-called oedipal phase of development - when, at the age of 5-6 years, he identifies with a parent of his own gender. At first, the child seems to “fall in love” with a parent of the opposite sex: girls adore their dad (psychologists call this the Electra phase), boys dream of marrying their mother (“Oedipal phase”).

The critical point is the child’s passage through the oedipal phase of development - 5-6 years of age Photo: Depositphotos

Accordingly, tension arises in the child-parent relationship: the boy is jealous of his mother and father, the girl is jealous of her father and mother (and everything here is so bizarre that relationships can become strained both with a parent of the same and the opposite sex - depending on the emotional coloring of the already established relationships). family relationships, as well as on the reaction of one or another parent to the child’s feelings). But, one way or another, if everything went well, the child understands and accepts his place in the parents’ relationship and his role in the family.

His own self-determination occurs - is he a boy or a girl, and how should he behave in accordance with this fact. And then until the teenage crisis, mothers can breathe easy. However, if the mother overly harshly pushed the boy away with his “love”, or the girl did not cope well with her “Electra phase”, never getting rid of the belief on a subconscious level that dad should belong only to her, and mom is now a competitor and rival forever and ever, then the relationship with your mother can cool down greatly.

If the vital need for love is not satisfied (if the mother is angry, overly strict or indifferent), it is driven to the back of the soul Photo: Depositphotos

This begins to manifest itself especially clearly in adolescence, when, under the influence of hormonal changes in the body, the teenager to some extent loses control over his emotions. And here it is necessary to distinguish between situations: if until the age of 11-12 everything was fine, and then the child “suddenly went bad” - this is one thing, this is a normal manifestation of the crisis of adolescence.

If there was already coldness and tension in the relationship with the mother, then in adolescence all processes will only worsen, and here, in fact, we can only advise you to stock up on great patience and just wait it out. Because an attempt to break and remake only ends in an even greater failure, and then all that remains is to hope that the relationship with the child will improve someday, if he himself becomes a parent and feels that this is not a pound of raisins, and generously forgives those who raised him as best he could.

Tags: love for mother, family relationships, parent-child relationships

He becomes more independent

They say about the one-year-old baby that he is a real “mother’s tail.” But every day he gets older. And at one moment he can push you away, prohibiting you from even approaching his tower of cubes. There are several possible reasons:

• an older child needs your attention less;
• this way he can test your feelings. The baby’s thoughts are approximately the following: “Will my mother love me if I ignore her?”;
• The baby goes through another stage of development when it learns to concentrate its attention on something. And if a child is curious about learning a new activity, your hugs may be inappropriate.

Solution.

Try not to attach much importance to your baby's behavior. Remember: he still loves you just the same. It’s just that right now he doesn’t need your tenderness and kisses. If you see that your child is passionate about something, save your feelings for a more opportune moment. You can have a lot of cuddles with your little one before bed or when he is not so busy. The main thing is that he is always confident in your love.

At the moment, your child is “friends” with dad

The child constantly demands mom’s attention, and pushes dad away. And after a while the situation changes to the opposite - the baby is “friends” with dad, and mom remains on the sidelines.

Solution.

Every baby goes through a stage of development during which it becomes attached to one of the parents, and at the same time ignores the other. This happens more often in families where one of the adults works all day and is rarely at home.

But what should you do if your child begins to treat you differently, and you do not associate this with the next period in development? Analyze your behavior with your husband. Sometimes parents themselves do not realize that they are encouraging such “favoritism.”

Perhaps you become irritable when your spouse returns from work. Or maybe you show more feelings for the baby at such a moment?

If your child behaves with restraint when your husband comes home, explain to him the reason for this behavior. The baby just needs time to show his feelings. Therefore, you should not expect that he will necessarily welcome dad from work with open arms.

Causes

According to the psychologist, there are several reasons that disable children’s obedience:

Lack of attention. When a child lacks attention, he does everything to fix it. You can't expect good intentions on his part. Revenge

Anything can happen in families: more attention to a sister or brother, divorce of parents, constant quarrels between the father and mother of the baby. The child is increasingly filled with negative emotions

If he feels bad, he does everything to take revenge on his family. He suffers, so you should too. Self-affirmation. Do you like being addressed in an order form? No? Children too. The child begins to be stubborn and contradict. By this he shows that he is a person, not a slave. Even if his decision is not at all correct, he has his own opinion. Loss of self-confidence. When a child does not succeed in something, and negative criticism is heard in his direction, his self-esteem decreases. He's still small. Remember yourself as a child, did everything work out for you?

He's not too sentimental

Are you always very open in expressing your feelings? This doesn't mean your baby has to be the same.

Solution.

If your child seems too reserved, you may have to accept it. Don't be offended. Let your little one decide for herself when to express emotions. Remember: even children with a self-sufficient character need their mother's hugs and kisses from time to time. For example, when they are upset or scared.

Be attentive to the baby, and you will understand when the right moment comes for a gentle “cuddle.” And the little one will definitely reciprocate your feelings.

He is very angry, so he behaves badly

Sometimes children violate acceptable boundaries and behave aggressively. For example, you want to pet your little one, but he pushes you, tries to hit you or bite you.

Solution.

Even if the child did not physically hurt you, you must stop any attempts at violence. He must grasp the connection between his offense and possible punishment. Tell the baby: “You can’t do that!” Mom doesn't like your behavior. Stop it now or I’ll have to deprive you of your favorite cartoon for today.” And if the little one continues to behave badly, you must keep your word.

Conclusion

From the first minutes of life, a special connection is established between mother and child. Therefore, you can be very upset if one day he does not want to cuddle with you or turns away from the kiss. But now you have found out the reasons why your baby sometimes pushes you away. At such moments, remember that the situation can change in just a few minutes. Be attentive, patient, and your relationship with the baby will become friendly and strong.

What is the “age crisis”?

Moms and dads of future first-graders usually ask themselves the following questions:

Many parents believe that the main thing for a schoolchild is perseverance, the ability to perceive information and draw their own conclusions, and act according to generally accepted rules. Six-year-olds are already familiar with the daily routine, do what their parents ask them to do, and adhere to certain standards of behavior.

If earlier he calmly carried out some assignments and followed simple rules established by his parents, now his behavior is a constant protest. Very often, after the summer holidays spent with their grandmother, mom and dad, they observe the following picture: their son/daughter does not listen to what their elders say, they argue, defend their opinions, and do not follow the daily routine. Child psychologists say that during a crisis, the relationship between parents and children undergoes significant changes. At the same time, negative traits often appear in the behavior of the younger family member: stubbornness, capriciousness, disobedience, etc.

The adults don’t understand why their obedient boy suddenly began to behave. But they are even more worried about how he will listen to teachers at school if his family is not an authority for him. But psychologists say that such behavior of a future schoolchild is a natural stage that all children experiencing an age crisis must go through. In order to understand how to act in a given situation, the future first grader must determine for himself what kind of rule this is. Children quickly realize that they did not set the rules, and it is understandable why they try to break them.