A child is crying in kindergarten: what to do? Komarovsky: adaptation of a child in kindergarten. Psychologist's advice

Few children experience their first visit to kindergarten without tears. But if for some, adaptation to a preschool institution passes without a trace and literally after a week or two the child calmly remains for a daytime nap, then for others this process drags on for a long time, and constant crying alternates with endless illnesses. Why is the child crying in kindergarten? What to do? Komarovsky E. O., a pediatrician, author of popular books and television programs about children’s health, gives a detailed explanation of how to properly solve these problems without harm to the child and family. Read more about this in our article.

Why does a child not want to go to kindergarten?

Most children begin attending kindergarten at the age of two or three. The period of adaptation to the garden is often accompanied by crying or hysterics. Here you need to figure out why the child does not want to go to kindergarten and help him overcome this barrier.

The most important reason for a child’s negative attitude towards kindergarten is related to separation from parents. It turns out that until the age of three, the baby was inextricably linked with his mother and suddenly he was left in an unfamiliar environment, surrounded by strangers. At the same time, they also require him to eat and perform a number of actions that he cannot do under stress. His familiar world, familiar from childhood, is turned upside down, and tears in this case will be inevitable.

So, we can identify six main reasons why a child does not want to go to kindergarten:

1. He does not want to part with his mother (excessive guardianship).
2. He is afraid that he will not be picked up from kindergarten.
3. Feels fear of the team and the new institution.
4. Afraid of the teacher.
5. He is bullied in the garden.
6. The child feels lonely in kindergarten.

Another thing is that children, like adults, are also different and do not react to the situation in the same way. Some quickly adapt to a new team, while others cannot fit into it even after years of communication. In this situation, parents need to prepare the child for separation in advance so that tears during separation do not result in hysterics for several hours.

Features of the child's nervous system

It is known that every child is individual. Some babies start crying in preschool as soon as one of the parents disappears behind the doors, and after a short time they calm down. Some continue to cry throughout the day, while others even get sick. Psychologists believe that a child’s illness is a form of protest against an environment that is still completely unfamiliar to the child. It is very difficult for a child to endure separation from mom or dad. However, this fact may go almost unnoticed if the child is satisfied with the kindergarten environment. But if the child has psychologically determined that this situation is very negative for him, then he will throw tantrums every day, become frequently ill, and constantly cry when parting with his parents.

Experts believe that there is a fairly logical explanation for the question “Why does a child cry when he comes to kindergarten?” The main problem is the child’s fear that he was brought to kindergarten and will not be picked up. If a child is quickly distracted from this thought, then he will be calm throughout the day, but if he constantly remembers this, he will constantly cry, and also ignore all the instructions of the teacher, this is the so-called protest.

Under what circumstances does a child adapt better to preschool?

Educators and child psychologists believe that children who are brought up in large families, who were born and raised in families who live in communal apartments, are best able to get used to the unusual environment in kindergarten. Also, in families in which parents treat the child as an adult, that is, they use relationships of an equal nature, adaptation will be almost unnoticeable.

What to do if a child cries in kindergarten?

All reasons for crying in children during the period of adaptation to kindergarten are considered completely normal. For the most part, children calm down within the first hour. The parents’ task is to help the child learn to cope with emotions on his own and try to find out from him why the child is crying in kindergarten.

Komarovsky explains what to do as follows:

1. To minimize stress, getting used to kindergarten should be gradual. The worst option is when a mother takes her child to kindergarten in the morning, leaves him there crying for the whole day, and she safely goes to work. This is strictly not recommended. Competent and correct adaptation suggests that the time spent in the garden should be increased gradually: first by 2 hours, then until the afternoon nap, then until dinner. Moreover, each subsequent stage should begin only after successfully overcoming the previous one. If a child does not have breakfast in the garden, then leaving him until the afternoon nap is unreasonable.
2. Expand your social circle. It is advisable to start getting acquainted with children attending the same group even before entering kindergarten. This way the child will make his first friends, and psychologically it will be easier for him in the garden, knowing that Masha or Vanya also go there. Out-of-school communication is also an excellent workout for the immune system.
3. Talk to your child. Important: every day you should definitely ask your child how his day was, what new things he learned today, what he ate, etc. This will help you cope with psychological stress faster. You definitely need to praise your baby for his first achievements. If the child does not speak yet, ask the teacher about his achievements, and simply praise the baby for them.

These simple steps are actually effective and will definitely help you cope with tears in kindergarten.

Is it worth taking me to kindergarten if my child is crying?

From the point of view of sociology, psychology and pedagogy, kindergarten is considered as a positive factor contributing to the full development of the child and his proper upbringing. Collective life teaches a child to communicate with peers and with adults, thanks to which over time it will be easier for him to study at school and build relationships with management and work colleagues.

Timely preparation of a child for kindergarten begins several months before the planned event, but even in this case, problems with adaptation are possible. Children with a high degree of adaptation, for whom a change of environment does not cause much discomfort, get used to a new team most easily. It’s more difficult for kids with a low degree of adaptation. The term “non-kindergarten child” is often applied to them. What should parents of such children do? Is it worth taking a child to kindergarten if he cries?

Parents must answer the last question for themselves. How often the baby gets sick also plays an important role. Typically, children with low adaptation have a sharp decrease in immunity, so they are more susceptible to various diseases. If a mother can afford to stay at home with her child, then she may well make such a decision for herself. But it is worth considering that, as a rule, such children have difficulty getting used not only to kindergarten, but also to the team at school.

Psychologist's advice

From the point of view of psychology and pedagogy, kindergarten is considered as a positive factor in the development and formation of a person. A visit to such an institution contributes to education and teaching order. The child acquires the skills to find a common language with peers and adults.

Thanks to this, it will be easier for the child in the future to get used to school, build relationships at university, and at work. The topic of adaptation is quite relevant. Therefore, psychologists pay great attention to this topic.

Experts offer the following advice to parents:

• send your child to kindergarten at the age of 2-3 years;
• do not scold the baby when he cries and does not want to stay in the educational institution;
• Before visiting the kindergarten, come there as an excursion, get to know the teacher and the group;
• play with your baby in kindergarten. Some dolls will be children, others will be educators. It is necessary to show by example that being in a team is interesting and fun;
• ask grandparents or other relatives to whom the baby is less emotionally attached to take him to kindergarten;
• talk to the child. Explain to him that attending kindergarten will benefit him;
• find out what problems the child has in communicating with peers, give advice on how to solve them;
• If you leave your child in kindergarten for the whole day, you cannot deceive him by promising to pick him up in a couple of hours. It is better to say that you will return for it after an afternoon snack, a walk or a nap;
• give the baby some personal object or thing. For example, a scarf or hairpin. You can allow your child to take a photo of his parents with him;
• establish contact with the teacher;
• when leaving your child in kindergarten, you need to remain calm and not show your worries;
• come up with a parting ritual (hugs, air kisses);
• give the old key, saying that it is from the house. This way the child will understand that he will soon return home and calm down.

Adaptation of a child in kindergarten: advice from a psychologist

The topic of children's adaptation to kindergarten is considered very common among psychologists. And this question is indeed very serious, since the child’s subsequent attitude towards school depends on it.

What should a child’s adaptation be like in kindergarten? The psychologist’s advice boils down to the following list of recommendations:

1. The optimal age for the first visit to kindergarten is from 2 to 3 years. You should get to know the new team before the well-known “three-year crisis” occurs.
2. You cannot scold a child for crying in kindergarten and not wanting to attend. The baby just expresses his emotions, and by punishing, the mother only develops a sense of guilt in him.
3. Before visiting the kindergarten, try to come on a tour, get to know the group, the children, and the teacher.
4. Play with your child in kindergarten. Let the dolls be teachers and children in kindergarten. Show your child by example how fun and interesting it can be.
5. The child’s adaptation to kindergarten may be more successful if another member of your family, for example, a father or grandmother, that is, someone to whom he is less emotionally attached, takes the child.

Try to do everything possible so that the addiction goes as smoothly as possible for the baby and does not disturb his fragile child’s psyche.

Reasons why a child does not want to go to kindergarten

If a child refuses to go to kindergarten, the recommendations of psychologists boil down to mandatory clarification of the reasons why the child behaves this way. Children always behave expediently, adults just cannot understand what they want to say and what to achieve with their whims

It seems to an adult that the little one is just acting weird, but any behavior uncharacteristic for a baby should be treated with attention. And if he cries and throws hysterics while getting ready for kindergarten, you need to find out what are the reasons for this behavior

Possible reasons why a child does not want to attend kindergarten:

• a sharp change in the established regime and rhythm of life. Children are distinguished by conservatism and a change in lifestyle, strangers, as well as the absence of their mother, who was always there before, unsettles them. If before the baby knew what event would follow next, now everything is different. It is necessary to obey new, incomprehensible rules, learn how to behave in a group, play with toys together, etc. The teacher is perceived as a stranger in whom the child does not trust. She will curb a nimble, overly active child, and try to draw a child who is calm or modest in character into active play. As a result, both will remain dissatisfied and in the morning they will protest to go to this aunt again;
• a different living environment from home. Tasteless or unusual food, an uncomfortable spoon, a cold pot, a heavy blanket, noise in a group, a lot of children, cartoons before bedtime - there are a lot of factors that can cause rejection of the kindergarten. Adaptation to new social conditions in children is quite painful; tears in kindergarten cannot be attributed to whims. Parents, with the help of a teacher, should find out what exactly causes discomfort in the baby and try to solve the problem as much as possible;
• teacher's rejection. If the child doesn’t like the teacher on the first day, this is a serious problem. Active, noisy children often have conflicts with the teacher, since it is more convenient to rein in the naughty child than to give him enough attention. In addition, there may be several such children in a group at once, and their excessive activity can lead to conflict. The teacher simply does not have enough time to understand the essence of the conflict; it is easier to put the instigator in a corner. Often, educators force-feed children with a spoon, citing the fact that a hungry child will be capricious;
• I can’t join the children’s team. Even if a trusting relationship has been established with the teacher, and the child likes her, there are situations when the child is unable to fit into the team and prefers to keep to himself. Each child's need to communicate with peers is different. Perhaps the baby is simply tired of children constantly surrounding him. But, if after six months of visiting the kindergarten, he still has not become close to his comrades in the group, preferring loneliness to company, this is an alarming sign. It is worth consulting with a psychologist; perhaps the baby has mental disorders.

If parents themselves cannot figure out the reasons for their child’s refusal to go to kindergarten, they should definitely consult with a specialist. Otherwise, a child who, for one reason or another, has not removed his childhood fear, will grow up to be an insecure person with a lot of fears and psychological pressures. Then it is necessary to contact a specialist, such as psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin.

Preparing a child for kindergarten

According to Dr. Komarovsky, a change in a child’s usual environment almost always causes him stress. To avoid this, you need to follow simple rules that will prepare your child for life in a group.

Preparing a child for kindergarten consists of several stages:

1. Period of psychological adaptation. You need to start preparing for going to kindergarten approximately 3-4 months before the scheduled date. In a playful way, the child needs to be explained what a kindergarten is, why they go there, and what he will do there. At this stage, it is important to interest the child, point out to him the advantages of visiting the kindergarten, tell him how lucky he is that he is going to this particular institution, because many parents would like to send their children there, but chose him because he is the best.
2. Preparing the immune system. Try to have a good rest in the summer, give your child more fresh fruits and vegetables, and at least a month before visiting kindergarten, it is advisable to take a course of vitamins for children attending kindergarten. This will not protect the baby from infection during the period of acute respiratory diseases, but they will proceed much easier, without complications on other organs and systems. At the very beginning of the disease, as soon as the child feels unwell, you need to take him to kindergarten and begin treatment, since in this case even an adapted child may begin to cry.
3. Compliance with the regime. Regardless of whether the child has already started kindergarten or is just getting ready, it is important to adhere to the same sleep and rest schedule as in kindergarten. In this case, the baby, finding himself in new conditions, will feel psychologically more comfortable.
4. Tell your child that in kindergarten the teachers will always come to his aid. For example, if he wants to drink, just ask the teacher about it.

And most importantly, you should never scare your child with kindergarten.

Advice from psychologists on how to properly accustom a child to kindergarten

When children go to kindergarten over the age of three, as a rule, socially and psycho-emotionally they are already ready for such changes in their lives. The situation is much more complicated when a boy or girl goes to kindergarten at the age of two, but this is only possible in those kindergartens that have nursery groups. On the other hand, there are also experts who say that it is easier for a small child to get used to the garden than for an older one.

If you do not have the opportunity to leave your son or daughter at home longer, you should familiarize yourself with the recommendations on how to accustom a 2-year-old child to kindergarten, which are given by child psychologists. The following tips will help both moms and dads:

1. Socialize your baby. According to psychologists, a good preparation for kindergarten is to expand the child’s social circle. This recommendation should be especially followed by mothers who do not receive daily help from grandparents. To do this, you need to leave your baby with other relatives or friends more often.

2. Raise the “authority” of the kindergarten. You shouldn’t scare kids at kindergarten by saying that they will teach him discipline or good behavior. On the contrary, parents who are planning to send their son or daughter to a preschool in the near future should interest the little one by telling how fun the holidays and games with children are there.

3. Find out the kindergarten nutrition and introduce it to your baby. Accustom your child in advance to the food that will be in the garden. It is known that many children even refuse to eat at first, since their mother feeds them other foods at home. In addition to the fact that this approach will save your baby from starvation and you from worry, he will associate food with home.

4. Allow your child to take his favorite toy with him. This is one of the most effective and frequently used ways to accustom a child to kindergarten at 2.5 or 3 years old. Taking your beloved friend with you, the baby will no longer feel lonely after his mother leaves.

Good motivation is a good option for how to get your child used to kindergarten at 3 years old quickly and without tears. At this age, it is already possible to have a full-fledged dialogue with children, because they already understand their parents well.

If your baby is having a hard time adjusting to new social conditions, compromise: say that at the end of the day, if he doesn't cry and is an obedient boy or girl, you will go for a walk, roller skate, or play your favorite game together.

However, avoid the common mistake that many adults make who want to save themselves from the difficulties of children's adaptation to the garden. Never buy toys or sweets for your child just because he goes to kindergarten. You can buy them just like that for good behavior, but if you only promise to buy them once for visiting the kindergarten, the child will set such conditions every day.

The following factors can delay the adaptation process:

• fear of strangers;
• great dependence on mother;
• conflicts in the family;
• nervous disorders in children.

One of the important points in how to accustom a child to kindergarten is the child’s ability to care for himself. Before you take your son or daughter to preschool, be sure to teach him the following things:

• drink from a cup;
• eat on your own;
• go to the potty;
• be able to dress or show interest in this process.

First day of kindergarten

This is the most difficult day in the life of mother and baby. The first day in kindergarten is an anxious and exciting moment, which often determines how easy or difficult adaptation will be.

The following recommendations will help turn your first visit to kindergarten into a holiday:

1. To prevent getting up in the morning from becoming an unpleasant surprise for your child, prepare him in advance for the fact that he is going to kindergarten tomorrow.
2. In the evening, prepare clothes and toys that your baby might want to take with him.
3. It's better to go to bed on time so that you feel more alert in the morning.
4. In the morning, behave calmly, as if nothing exciting is happening. The child should not see your worries.
5. In kindergarten, the child needs to be helped to undress and brought to the teacher. There is no need to sneak away as soon as the baby turns away. The mother herself must explain to the child that she is leaving for work and say that she will definitely return for him. And this has nothing to do with the fact that the child is crying in kindergarten. Komarovsky explains what to do by saying that it is important for the child to know that he will be picked up as soon as he has had breakfast or played.
6. Do not leave your baby for more than 2 hours on the first day.

What should a teacher do if a child cries in the garden?

Much in children’s adaptation to kindergarten depends on the teacher. He must, to some extent, be a psychologist who knows first-hand the problems of children in kindergarten. During adaptation, the teacher must have direct contact with parents. If the child is crying, he should try to calm the baby. But if the child does not make contact, becomes stubborn and begins to cry even louder, at the next meeting he should ask his mother how to influence him. Perhaps the baby has some favorite games that will distract him from crying.

It is important that the kindergarten teacher does not put pressure on the child or blackmail him. This is unacceptable. Threatening that your mother won’t come for you just because you haven’t eaten your porridge is, first of all, inhumane. The teacher should become a friend to the child, and then the child will attend kindergarten with pleasure.

A child cries on the way to kindergarten

A typical situation for many families is when a child starts crying at home and continues to do so on the way to kindergarten. Not all parents can calmly withstand such behavior on the street, and a showdown begins, which often ends in a grandiose hysteria.

Reasons why a child cries, doesn’t want to go to kindergarten and throws tantrums on the way:

• The baby simply does not get enough sleep and gets out of bed without any mood. In this case, try to go to bed early.
• Allow enough time to wake up in the morning. You don’t need to get dressed straight out of bed and run to kindergarten. Let the baby lie in bed for 10-15 minutes, watch cartoons, etc.
• Prepare small gifts for the children or teacher. You can buy small candies that the child will distribute to the children after breakfast, cookies, and coloring sheets printed on a home printer. Talk about how he is not just going to kindergarten, but that he will be a wizard and bring gifts to the children.

What to do to prevent a child from crying in kindergarten?

What parents can do to prevent their child from crying in kindergarten:

• conduct psychological preparation of the child 3-4 months before the start of the kindergarten;
• tell your child more often about the benefits of the garden, for example, many kids like to hear that they have become adults;
• on the first day in kindergarten, do not leave him for more than 2 hours;
• allow you to take a toy from home with you (just not too expensive);
• clearly define the time frame when mom will pick him up, for example after breakfast, after lunch or after a walk;
• communicate with your child and ask him about his day every time;
• don't be nervous and don't show it to your child, no matter how hard it may be for you.

Common mistakes parents make

Most often, parents make the following mistakes in adapting their child to kindergarten:

1. Adaptation is stopped immediately if the child did not cry on the first day of kindergarten. A baby can handle a one-time separation from his mother quite well, but it is not uncommon for a child to cry on the third day in kindergarten because he was immediately left for the whole day.
2. They suddenly leave without saying goodbye. This can cause extreme stress for a child.
3. Blackmailing a child from a kindergarten.
4. Some parents succumb to manipulation if their child cries in kindergarten. Komarovsky explains what to do by saying that you shouldn’t give in to children’s whims or hysterics. Just because you allow your baby to stay at home today, he will not stop crying tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

If parents see that their child is having a hard time adapting to kindergarten and they don’t know how to help their child, they should contact a psychologist. Consultations with parents in kindergarten will help develop a set of actions, thanks to which the child will gradually begin to get used to life in a group. However, all this will be effective only if the parents are committed and interested in taking their child to kindergarten and will not shy away from following the psychologist’s advice at the first opportunity.

Know how to listen and hear your child

Be sure to discuss with your child the reason for his tantrums, especially if they are logged in. Ask why he doesn’t want to go, what he doesn’t like about the kindergarten, ask about his relationships with other children, with the teacher. Try to hear all the simple-minded wishes of children and respond to them correctly. If a problem arises specifically with the teacher, contact the head of the kindergarten or transfer the child to another group so as not to expose the fragile psyche to constant stress. The most important condition in this situation is not only to talk to the child, but also to listen to him.

How parents can help their child adapt to kindergarten , read here.