Examples of what incentives should be applied to a child
There are many situations when a child deserves a measure of encouragement: it can be a reward for doing homework, for sitting with a younger brother or sister, for reaching certain peaks in school activities or sections and clubs, sometimes the child is encouraged simply for good behavior.
Many adults believe that when raising children, they bribe the child with rewards and thus “buy” his good behavior. In fact, this is not so; almost all forms of encouraging a child are very important in the educational process.
Some methods of rewarding a child can also be used to encourage him to do better on an exam or write a test. In general, there are a variety of occasions and reasons for encouragement, but sometimes it happens that reasons are not required for this and they are encouraged just like that. In such families, everyone is happy: both the one who rewards and the one who is rewarded.
But, unfortunately, quite often there are families where parents, for various reasons, do not want to recognize the child’s successes and achievements. They believe that a child’s good behavior is something natural, taken for granted, and not worthy of praise.
How to encourage a child so as not to spoil him? You need to know that rewards and encouragement do not have to be material. This could be a smile or encouraging words. Modern children are beginning to value intangible rewards more, no matter how strange it may sound now.
Pre-adolescent children learn to be good, to do not only what they like, but also begin to understand that a good attitude depends on the effort they put in - this happens when parents use rewards as encouragement for good behavior.
In the modern world, when most parents are constantly at work, children desperately need the attention of mom and dad, so for many, the greater reward will not be buying a new toy or phone, but simply having their beloved parents nearby. You can combine encouragement and spending time together, which is so necessary for the child, for example, everyone can go to a water park, cafe or for a walk together.
Younger children will enjoy hearing one more story than usual as a reward for good behavior during the day. You can also allow your child to walk longer in the yard with his peers.
If a child achieves certain successes in school or a sports section, he, of course, deserves praise or even encouragement, but parents must remember that it is necessary to take into account not only the final result, but also the efforts that he put into this matter, the hard work he showed. Each child has a different level of ability, so you can’t reward talents alone; more attention should be paid to children who have difficulty doing anything. Such children are more often scolded than encouraged, but they are the ones who need approval more than others.
When encouraging, you need to pay attention to the individual characteristics of the child. A child who is modest or has lost faith in himself deserves more attention and, accordingly, some encouragement. But a self-confident and arrogant child requires a more careful approach in terms of encouragement.
In moments when children resist the will of their parents or try to do the opposite, you can use encouragement so that the child finally does what is asked of him, instead of threatening punishment. A reward quite often encourages a child to cooperate. For example, if a child eats too slowly and is naughty at the same time, say: “If you finish everything quickly now, we can go and ride your favorite slide/walk for half an hour longer.”
Parents often face the question: how to properly encourage children so as not to harm them, so that they do not follow orders and instructions only out of a desire to receive a reward?
Psychologists, when advising what incentive measures should be applied to a child, recommend the following:
- If you use a verbal method of encouragement, then it can be expressed by the words “good”, “correct”, “good girl”. When pronouncing these words, it is enough to simply smile, look approvingly at the child, pat him on the head, so he will feel that mom and dad are happy with his behavior, the way he completed this or that task. Verbal encouragement is no less important for a child than material encouragement.
- The child may receive small rewards from time to time. Receiving them, he has a natural desire to bring reciprocal joy to his parents.
- Prudent parents always have several methods of encouragement in their family: when a child behaves badly, they use one of them: for example, read a book, play a favorite game together, bake a favorite pie, go shopping together, buy a favorite sweet, watch something together TV, etc.
- Another example of encouraging a child is a gift. But this method of encouraging a child in the family must be used extremely carefully. You should give only what will contribute to the mental and physical development of the child: books, educational games and sports equipment, tools, construction sets, etc. When choosing a method of encouragement, you need to be guided by the individual characteristics of your child.
What rules must be followed when applying the punitive action system?
If you decide to use a punishment system as a preventative measure for your child’s bad behavior, you must be guided by the basic rules for their correct use. These rules for their application include:
- None of the punishments that are directed towards the child should harm his psychological and physical state.
- If you doubt the advisability of using it in a particular case, then it is best to refuse for the first time. All punitive actions must be deserved and not as a preventive measure.
- If your baby has committed some bad act, then there should be one punishment. If there are several actions, then it should be one, but quite severe.
- Do not use belated punitive measures, as they will still not carry any effectiveness if applied untimely.
- Do not engage in humiliation of the individual, as this will give impetus to the fact that he may completely withdraw into himself and in the future grow up to be an insecure person.
- As a preventative measure
It is necessary to instill in a child the skills of correct behavior not only through punishment, but also through encouragement, if we want to achieve the desired result in education. It is not enough to simply tell your child “No” to reinforce the correct behavior pattern. Any “No” must be supplemented with: “Look, this is possible.” Also, a child, like any person, needs encouragement and affection for good behavior, right actions and success in something. But don’t forget that a child especially needs encouragement when he makes a mistake. The child should not form a stereotype: “They only love me when I’m good. But when it’s bad, no.”
Types of child encouragement
Praise.
The most classic reward method. At the same time, it can be either productive or not. In the first case, the real successes and merits of the child are praised. In the second - non-existent. Obviously, you should resort to the first option and avoid the second. However, excessive, even productive praise can contribute to the formation of narcissism in a child or pathological dependence on other people's opinions. Therefore, it is better to praise not the child himself, but the actions that he performs, not forgetting to remind him that he himself can feel a sense of pride in himself, so that there is no need to receive constant approval of his actions from the outside. Example: “You washed the dishes! You are so great! You can be as proud of yourself as I am of you.”
Weasel.
It is the most obvious manifestation of love for a child. But under no circumstances should you encourage your child in this way just “on business.” Affection should be without any reason, unconditional.
General affairs.
Children love it when their parents spend a lot of time with them, walking, playing, inventing something together, etc. This develops a sense of closeness and trust. This type of encouragement, like affection, should be unconditional and joyful for both parties. As a punishment, a child can be deprived of joint activities only if he has committed a conscious offense, realizing that this cannot be done.
Material reward
. In other words - gifts. A very effective way to encourage your child to succeed and behave well. However, again, gifts should not be “tied” to a specific achievement. They just have to be there, motivating the child because he feels needed and loved.
Adding “adult” rights.
Gradually accustom your child to the fact that you trust him and give him more and more rights. For example, permission to go to bed an hour later. This is considered the most effective method, which should also exist unconditionally, without being tied to certain successes.
Parents often incorrectly use such educational means as encouragement
.
Whether to accept this or that good deed of the child as usual and not emphasize it, or, conversely, to specifically note it and encourage it. How to properly encourage children in the family?
Is it necessary to encourage a child and how can this be done correctly?
All measures to encourage a child in the family should not only bring joy, but also perform an educational function.
To do this, there are several simple rules that parents should follow.
- Any encouragement must be consistent with the behavior and actions of children, i.e. be fair. It makes no sense to praise, give gifts, or lift bans for all the good deeds or the use of skills the child already knows. For example, a child has learned to tie his own shoelaces; you can reward him for this, but you don’t need to do this every time he repeats this action. Conversely, more significant actions cannot be ignored. For example, a child helped his mother wash the dishes and clean up.
- You should not encourage a child out of pity. If, for example, he was offended on the playground, you should not calm him down with candy or chocolate, it is better to help him by teaching him how to act correctly in such a situation.
- You cannot buy a child’s affection for you with praise and gifts. It is better to try to establish a trusting relationship with him through communication.
- Gradually, you need to strive to wean the child from constant material rewards for some of his actions, since he will demand gifts every time. It is necessary to explain to him that actions are performed selflessly.
- If parents praise a child, then one should always focus on the action that they support, so that the child knows what can and should be done.
How does a child respond to rewards at home?
Each child has a different type of temperament, so for each of them the same promise of reward can be formulated in completely different ways.
When promising something to a sensitive and impressionable child, it is better to focus on feelings. For example: “If you finish all the porridge now, I will have more free time later. We will go with you to your favorite rides, we will be able to ride them longer. The wonderful sun is shining outside. We will have a lot of fun and warmth under such sunshine.”
When promising encouragement, an active child should focus on the action itself. For example: “If you finish all the porridge now, I will have more free time later. We will go with you to your favorite swing, you will ride on it longer. You can also go downhill and on a bike.”
Depending on how the child responds to reinforcement, you can draw his attention to sensory sensations. The promise may sound like a fairy tale. For example: “If you finish all the porridge now, I will have more free time later. We will go with you to your favorite playground and stay there longer. Do you remember what an unusual swing there is? They are like cars, and there are also a lot of houses in which robots probably live. And the slide is like a rocket, you can fly into space in it.”
To a receptive child, when promising encouragement, you need to talk about time. For example: “If you finish all the porridge now, I will have more free time later. After we go to the store, we will go with you to your favorite swing, you will ride on it longer. Now you help me, and later we will have time to go for a walk.”
It is not at all necessary to formulate your promises according to a specific temperament, although, undoubtedly, such a formulation of the question has a better effect on the child, but you can express your promise in simple words.
Parents should also remember that they need to encourage their child after he has done some good deed. If the reward is given in advance, then the child receives firm confidence that he can get something good in return for something.
Incentive for the “difficult”
I advise you to take into account one more thing: there are noticeably more nervous children compared to previous generations. And a mental health disorder almost always affects behavior. It is the observance of certain behavioral norms that often represents the main difficulty for “problem” children.
And if we want to teach them these norms, then we must act in the same way as smart teachers act when dealing with students who, to put it mildly, do not shine with ability. On the one hand, they make their task easier, and on the other, they try to interest them, encourage them, stimulate them.
“How to encourage? – parents often ask. - He doesn’t need anything. If you deprive yourself of a cartoon, the answer is: “Well, okay!”
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But willful and demonstrative children who are characterized by such behavior are not at all dispassionate ascetics. On the contrary, they are highly competitive. This means that they usually have more needs than their peers. It's just not what parents are appealing to.
For demonstrative children, the main incentive is communication and public recognition of their merits. You need to reinforce the good behavior of a demonstrative child with joint games, walks, affection, conversations, and praise.
Take a closer look at the children: what they love, value, and ask for. Many adults rush to give the child the maximum, without even waiting for his requests.
And then they are perplexed: they did so much to him, but he became even more unruly. But if you feed a person who hasn’t had time to get hungry, it won’t do any good.
I’m not good at raising children, I don’t have any yet. But I think the child should be encouraged and not deceive his expectations. I remember as a girl I dreamed of a dog. Mom said: if you finish first, second or third grade with excellent marks, then I’ll buy you a puppy. But I didn’t wait for him. Having been offended, she became a good girl. Now I’m thinking, what would have happened if my mother had encouraged me, as she promised? What if, not just anyone, but I would become the founder of Microsoft...
— Olga Volodarskaya
Forms of encouragement for teenage children at home
Of course, we must understand that the thoughtless use of all methods of encouraging a child causes great harm to upbringing. Children who are rewarded for every correct step do not see the boundaries of what is permitted; it is difficult for them to determine where what is possible ends and what is not begins. Such a child develops perfectionism when, striving for a better result, he is unable to accept obstacles in his path and is very worried about failures. This is especially difficult in adult life, which is full of obstacles and difficult tasks.
By resorting to excessive use of praise, parents form in their children inflated self-esteem, selfishness, and selfishness. In this case, the child lacks respect for parents, other adults, and peers.
When a child reaches adolescence, chocolate is no longer enough as a reward for him, he also will not go on a swing, i.e. a teenager has other needs and parents have to adapt to them. How can you encourage a teenage child? Children at this age need money and help. You should not offer money to your child too often; if you follow moderation, this type of reward turns out to be quite effective.
If a teenager, for example, does not want to fulfill the requests of his parents or spend time on this or that activity, the parents can simply suggest that he increase the amount of pocket money or give him a small amount if he is saving for something. If the family does not have extra money, then the parents can offer the child to take him where he needs to go, or help him perform some of his household duties.
Some parents reward their children with money for good grades at school. This approach is quite productive. You can encourage a teenager’s academic performance not only with money, but also allow him, for example, to take a longer walk or go to the cinema. A child is usually given freedom after he has gained the appropriate trust of his parents. High academic performance may be just one way to gain trust. After all, if a teenager studies well, he thereby demonstrates that he is responsible enough, which means he can be trusted.
It is quite difficult to say unequivocally about the harm or positive nature of one-time incentives, since it is impossible to monitor their effectiveness. We can only say unequivocally that the entire education system as a whole has a positive or negative impact on the child’s character.
Basic rules of promotion
The most important thing you need to know is that you cannot throw around words of praise just like that, every person must deserve it. Often children who are constantly praised grow up capricious and do not control their behavior. The whole point is that they hear constant praise and think that they can behave worse - after all, they will still praise them. Therefore, praise deservedly: encourage good behavior in the family, in kindergarten, on the street.
Praise the child’s actions, not his personality. Tell him how great he is for helping you, praise him for completing some task or assignment. Constantly telling your child how wonderful he is and the most beautiful in the world, you will end up raising a narcissistic egoist. Of course, you need to say such words to your children, but you need to know when to stop
Pay attention to every little thing your child does: if he cleaned up the dishes, washed his own mug, or handed you something, be sure to note this. But you shouldn’t say: “You’re so good, you’re the best in the world because you gave me the remote control!” It’s better to use this option: “Today you washed your mug, thereby helping me
Well done!". There is no need to encourage children to do what they should do anyway. For example, dressing yourself or brushing your teeth.
The next useful rule is that you cannot pay for all the good deeds of a child. You don't need to give him money just for good behavior. This is how children get used to the fact that money is easy for them and will “sit on the neck” of their parents for the rest of their lives. If you want to give your children pocket money from time to time, this is not prohibited, but they must realize that they really deserve this money. You can agree in advance with your child that you will give him pocket money at the end of the week if he has been useful and helped you all this week. Of course, every family has its own rules, but in any case, pocket money should not be a large sum. Let it be a constant, unchangeable amount that is enough to buy yourself a snack or, for example, start saving money for something more expensive, but very desirable. This way, the child will develop the habit of spending his own money, not his parents’, on toys and entertainment.
