Why does the child sleep only in his mother’s arms and how to correct this situation?

The child refuses to sleep in his own crib, protesting in every possible way against being placed in a cradle. He cries, is capricious, screams, causing irritation and a feeling of helplessness in his parents.

Why does a baby fall into a sweet sleep only in his mother’s arms? Doesn't this indicate certain violations? What to do if an infant falls asleep only in your arms? There are quite a lot of questions, which is why a separate article is worth devoting to the problem of a “tame” baby.

Signs of restless sleep

The high need of a newborn baby for feeding and sleep is well known. The baby can spend up to 20 hours a day in a “sleeping” state. However, babies fall asleep differently.

Some children are immersed in the “embrace of Morpheus” as soon as they drink their mother’s milk, while others have to be lulled to sleep, rocked in their arms until they deign to close their eyes.

Thus, the process of putting a newborn or an older baby to bed begins to turn not into a pleasant ritual, but into daily hard labor. Moreover, problems happen both day and night.

The main signs of sleep problems are as follows:

• a newborn baby categorically does not want to fall asleep on his own, so the mother has to come up with some tricks - for example, rocking him to sleep for a long time;
• a baby can fall asleep in his arms almost instantly, but always wakes up as soon as his mother tries to put him in his own bed;
• the newborn seems to fall asleep, but only when he feels the close presence of his mother, as soon as she moves away, he instantly awakens.

In especially severe cases, mothers are forced to doze in a sitting position, holding their baby in their arms. There is no talk of proper rest, since women are afraid of dropping the child and injuring him.

To understand how to wean a child from falling asleep in your arms, you need to understand the background of such behavior. Usually, the reasons for not wanting to go to bed are common to many children.

How to get your baby to sleep

Here are some tips to help moms improve their baby's sleep:

1. No one else knows their child as well as a mother. She understands how important it is to calm the baby down and get him to sleep. To do this, you can bathe the baby in a bath with medicinal herbs, tell or read him a good fairy tale, or sing a lullaby. Over time, the baby will develop the habit of not only going to bed at the same time, but also by certain actions of the mother to determine that the rest period has begun.
2. It is necessary to create conditions for a relaxing holiday. The clothes in which the child sleeps also play an important role. He shouldn't be hot or cold. In the summer, if the window opens, you must hang a mosquito net and prevent flies and mosquitoes from flying into the house.
3. It is necessary to adhere to the established daily routine. If sleep, feeding, and wakefulness are carried out at the same time every day, the child will get used to the schedule and will fall asleep much faster.
4. It is not recommended to accustom a child to sleep in his mother's arms. Otherwise, he will have trouble falling asleep on his own in a crib.
5. From an early age, a child must be taught to distinguish between day and night. He must understand that day is a time of wakefulness, when everyone is minding their own business, and night is a time of rest, when darkness sets in outside the window, silence is observed in the house, and the whole world rests.

No specialist can give a clear answer to how long a 3-month-old baby should sleep day and night (more details in the article:). Personality, activity level and other individual characteristics affect how much rest a baby gets. The main task of parents is to create all the necessary conditions for proper rest of the little person during the daytime.

Why does a child sleep in his arms?

The underlying, one might even say fundamental, reason for this behavior is the child’s desire to be close to his mother. Having been born, the baby finds himself in a world alien to him, replete with unfamiliar aromas, sounds and objects.

Both a newborn and even an infant at 2 or 3 months feel a certain discomfort and fear while outside the mother’s womb. Calm comes only if his mother holds him close to her, and he has the opportunity to hear her heart beating.

According to psychologists, a constant sense of maternal presence allows a child to grow up more self-sufficient and self-confident. From early childhood, he develops basic trust in the world, a sense of security and high self-esteem.

The psychology of children at 2 or 3 months is such that when they close their eyes, they cease to perceive the world around them. And along with reality, not only objects disappear, but also the mother - the closest person to the baby on earth.

The result of such psychological characteristics of infants is the following patterns that worry some mothers:

• the child closes his eyes → the world around him disappears → the baby begins to feel fear → smells and embraces his mother → the fear goes away;
• the baby is lying in the crib → the mother is standing nearby → he is fighting sleep on a subconscious level so as not to lose his mother → the eyes close, the mother disappears → the child cries, attracting attention to himself.

In addition, the desire to fall asleep exclusively in mother's arms can be caused by a banal malaise - colic, increased gas formation, teething, colds. All this leads to increased child anxiety and the desire to be close to the mother.

Reasons for "manual sleep"

During childbirth, the baby experiences severe stress, finds itself in an aggressive environment and is forced to adapt to difficulties. He calms down faster in his arms and falls asleep soundly and for a long time. The smell, warmth, mother's voice and her heartbeat remind the newborn of the intrauterine environment and are associated with safety. Tactile contact is a natural need and helps strengthen the psychological connection.

The mother's closeness builds trust in the world around her and has a beneficial effect on the nervous system and overall development of the baby. It grows better and has strong immunity. Touches help the baby feel significance and love from family. Psychologists recommend spending more time with your baby until he reaches six months.

It is important to understand why the baby sleeps only in his mother’s arms. The main reason is anxiety caused by various factors:

1. Overexcitation – due to increased activity or characteristics of the nervous system;
2. A tense situation in the family, quarrels - an infant subtly senses negativity;
3. Discomfort due to uncomfortable clothing, cold or heat in the room;
4. Extraneous sounds, bright light;
5. Change of scenery, visiting relatives, travel.

Being close to the mother helps to calm down faster during pain, teething, and makes the newborn feel better during colic and bloating.

Wrong and right actions of parents

You can often come across advice that, they say, stop following the lead of infants. You just need to put the child in the crib, and then boldly leave the room and not listen to loud screams and roars, because this is just a child’s whim.

This opinion is not entirely correct. A baby of 2 or 3 months is an extremely dependent creature on its mother, not only physiologically, but also psychologically. A two-month-old child is not yet able to understand that his mother, who has gone into the next room, will return in 5 to 10 minutes.

His instincts make him “think” that he is left alone. Even a 3-year-old child, having let his mother out of his eyes in a store or on the beach, will begin to cry, since this event is extremely traumatic for him. What can we say about a three-month-old toddler?

However, there is another extreme - at the very first squeak of a child, parents rush to the crib, pull out the child and begin to frantically rock him to sleep, trying to achieve his complete calm.

Such parental reactions are also not always adequate to the situation, since children's crying is completely natural and, moreover, the only way to communicate with the outside world. Perhaps the baby just raised his voice, showing that he was uncomfortable, but would calm down very soon.

It is necessary to subtly feel your child, his cry, since the motive for crying can be different. Some people really only cry in “emergency” situations and needs. Others, from a young age, become manipulators, forcing their mother to come at the first peep.

What should a mother do if the child sleeps only in her arms? Focus on its features:

• If he screams loudly and for a long time, you need to take him in your arms, talk gently, and gently rock him. Such actions are sure to calm even the most restless baby;
• If he falls asleep in your arms, but tolerates being placed in a crib well, you need to sing lullabies to him more often so that he feels maternal closeness.

Read below for other useful recommendations answering the question of how to wean a child from sleeping in your arms.

Situation: Mom does not get enough sleep due to night feeding.

Solution: Do not feed your baby by the hour.

Today it is believed that babies need to be fed not by the clock, but on demand. In the first months of life, a child can be attached to the mother's breast up to 20 times a day. Then, instead of frequent and unsystematic attachments, a rhythm will be established that is comfortable for both mother and baby, usually with a break for a full night’s sleep. An additional bonus: full and prolonged lactation, since this feeding regimen allows you to fully stimulate and empty the breasts (while when feeding by the hour, mastitis, engorgement of the mammary glands and cracked nipples are almost inevitable).

Question answer

Why does mastitis occur during breastfeeding?

This feeding regimen fully satisfies not only the baby’s needs for food, but also for the sucking reflex, which makes it possible to do without a pacifier. And this is very important. When a baby sucks on a pacifier often and for a long time, disturbances in the formation of the skull occur. There is evidence that children who have used a pacifier for a year are more likely to suffer from sinusitis and sinusitis in adulthood, since the holes in the bones of the skull (which are exits from the sinuses) are formed incorrectly - they become longer and thinner, which impairs outflow and air exchange.

How to stop a child from falling asleep in your arms?

What should a mother do in this case? Will she really have to give up other household chores and responsibilities in order to constantly lull the baby to sleep and not let him out of her arms? Agree, this is extremely difficult, especially since the baby is gradually gaining body weight.

In order for the baby to fall asleep peacefully in the crib, it is necessary to satisfy his need for contact with his mother during the day (and at night) by any means. Experienced mothers and specialists give several recommendations:

1. To constantly feel the mother's body, you can carry the baby in a sling. This device will also help relieve stress from your back and free your hands to do housework.
2. Another effective method is co-sleeping. In the first weeks of a child’s life, experts advise placing a baby crib next to the parent’s bed so that the baby feels maternal closeness and feels comfortable and safe.
3. It is better to swaddle a newborn before falling asleep. The position with the arms and legs pressed to the body is similar to the intrauterine state, and this creates a feeling of security in the baby. In this case, the child falls asleep much faster and wakes up less often.
4. If the baby does not sleep at night, exhausting the mother with constant whims and crying, you can change the routine. You should not put your baby to bed during the day; in this case, he will fall asleep more likely in the evening. It is only important not to overdo it with daily activity.

You should also worry about purchasing a comfortable crib with bedding that is pleasant to the touch. And so that the child can quickly get used to his personal furniture, you can put his mother’s thing in it. The baby will feel a familiar aroma and fall asleep faster.

To teach your baby to fall asleep on his own, you need to create a habit of darkness in your baby. For example, during the day the windows in the room are tightly curtained. As a result, the child develops a reflex - it’s dark, which means he needs to fall asleep.

But motion sickness should be treated with extreme caution. The baby may get used to such movements and generally stop sleeping without first rocking.

What can be done?

A tired mother, carrying her baby day and night, before putting him into bed, asks the same painful question: “What should I do - I put him in bed, but he immediately wakes up and cries?”
Psychologists do not recommend immediately limiting physical contact with the baby, but advise ensuring communication in other ways.

1. Try to hold your baby more often during the day, when he is active. For this purpose, you can purchase a sling - a bandage for carrying a child. In such a “bag”, a month-old baby feels like he’s in his belly – he presses his body against his mother’s, feels her warmth. At the same time, its weight is evenly distributed along the maternal spine, so the load is not so high.
2. The advice that is not entirely clear is to sleep together with your baby. Newborns are more likely to calm down if they sleep next to their mother at one month or older. It is believed that the need for constant holding is reduced when the baby falls asleep during the day and at night on the parent's bed.
3. If falling asleep together with the child is unacceptable for some reason, it is necessary to design the child’s sleeping place differently. Avoid a bed that is too large for your baby's body in favor of a compact bassinet. In this case, the baby will feel as if in his mother’s belly.
4. Another method is swaddling. In the mother's belly, the child lay in a special position, pressing his arms and legs to his body. Not feeling barriers and boundaries near him, the baby worries in the first month, cries and is unable to fall asleep without his mother’s strong arms.
5. Mother's clothes smell of breasts and milk, which is why experts recommend placing your things next to the baby falling asleep in the crib. When a baby smells a familiar aroma, it closes its eyes much faster and wakes up less often. Of course, it is important to ensure that clothing does not cover the child's face, otherwise there is a risk of suffocation.

Of course, the methods listed will not immediately relieve a woman from rocking her baby before bed.
However, they are able to free up mother’s hands and give her more time to rest, especially during the day. Dr. Komarovsky considers constant motion sickness of a baby to be a kind of parental masochism. A one-month-old baby cannot help but fall asleep.

If he doesn’t fall asleep for several hours and wakes up when you put him in his crib, it means that there are certain problems with the daily routine and the organization of the process of falling asleep itself.

We need to see what pajamas he is calm in, and at what temperature he closes his eyes faster. Then this situation will be resolved.

Recommendations from psychologists

If a child at both 3 and 6 months continues to scream when put to bed and asks to be held back in his mother’s arms, and none of the methods described above work, you should seek psychological help.

Don’t know how to put your child to sleep quickly and without unnecessary tears? Recommendations from psychologists and proprietary methods will help solve this problem.

Among the most popular expert advice, there are several useful recommendations:

1. You should not sharply deny your baby affection by rejecting his request to be held in your arms. As already mentioned, tactile contact has a positive effect on the development of children.
2. It is necessary to improve children's curiosity and thinking by tilting the baby over various objects and bringing it, for example, to shelves. In this case, the child will cease to be interested exclusively in the mother’s hands.
3. It is important to demonstrate love and tenderness not just with hugs, but also with gentle massage, kisses, touches and other stroking movements.
4. Day after day, it is necessary to learn to distinguish manipulative crying from tears that are caused by completely objective reasons (hunger, wet diapers, fear, etc.).
5. If a sleeping baby suddenly cries and screams, you should not immediately pick him up. Most likely, he will calm down on his own after two or three minutes.
6. Try to establish a clear daily routine that will form a good “tradition” of falling asleep at a strictly defined time. To do this, it is useful to bathe the baby and give him a massage before falling asleep.
7. Long walks in the fresh air are especially beneficial. Despite the fact that it is too early to talk about high activity, new experiences will help the baby fall asleep faster and without motion sickness.

When trying to saturate your child’s day with information and physical activity as much as possible, it is important not to overdo it. Otherwise, the baby may become overexcited and not close his eyes at all. That is why it is necessary to give up noisy games a couple of hours before bedtime.

Advantages and disadvantages

So, we found out that a newborn calms down by smelling his mother’s scent, feeling her skin. This is why the habit of falling asleep in your arms develops very quickly and for a long time.

Experts are in a hurry to reassure the mother, whose family has a “tame” baby.

It turns out that such a dream has certain advantages:

1. Being in the “cradle” from the mother’s hands, the one-month-old baby takes a comfortable position, repeating the one that was in the woman’s belly.
2. When an infant is held in his arms, he falls asleep much faster than in a crib. This means that a woman does not need to waste time lulling her to sleep.
3. In addition to feeling safe and comfortable, newborns receive close contact with their mother. This has an extremely positive effect on the development of the baby.

And yet, when interacting between mother and baby, there is a boundary that should not be crossed.

If you do not pay attention to the fact that the baby sleeps only in your arms, unpleasant consequences may arise for the baby and the mother.

The disadvantages of falling asleep in your arms are probably familiar to every woman who finds herself in a similar situation:

1. The baby's body weight is continuously increasing. If a child weighs about 4.5 kilograms per month, then at four months the weight is already approaching 6.5 kg. By the age of one year, women who have practiced “manual” sleep begin to suffer from back and abdominal pain.
2. If you rock your baby to sleep day and night for several months, then it will be extremely difficult to put him into bed. The baby will smoothly move from your hands to his parents’ bed, and a new “epic” of accustoming him to a crib will begin.
3. Constant motion sickness can negatively affect the formation of the vestibular apparatus.

In addition, constantly lacking sleep, a woman gets a whole “bouquet” of psychosomatic diseases, dissatisfaction with motherhood and problems in relationships with her husband. This is not far from more serious problems.

In the first weeks, mothers often cuddle their beloved baby close to themselves, do not want to put him in the crib, and strive to give all their warmth and love. It is at this time that the child becomes dependent on motion sickness.

What should you do if a “tame” baby cries when put to bed?

How to transfer a baby to a crib?

It often happens that children seem to have already fallen asleep in their mother’s arms, but when they try to put them in bed, they suddenly wake up. At the same time, some babies do not cry, but simply carefully examine the tired mother and the surrounding environment.

It will be useful for parents to know how to teach their child to sleep in his own crib. The psychologist will tell you what training methods exist and how to avoid common mistakes.

Experienced parents recommend doing the following:

• before you lull the baby in your arms, you need to slip a diaper under his cheek so that he can cover part of his face, his shoulder, and one side of his stomach;
• When the baby closes his eyes, you need to sit with him for about 5 - 10 minutes. He is probably not sleeping yet, but only dozing, so you should wait until his sleep is more sound;
• Once you are convinced of the baby’s “serious intentions,” you need to transfer him to the cradle along with the diaper in such a way that his head continues to be on the fabric with his cheek, as when rocking to sleep.

Don't forget to swaddle your babies at night. When the mother holds the baby in her arms, he is in a cramped and confined space, and when he puts him to bed, the child feels excessive freedom. The upper and lower limbs begin to move, as a result of which the baby awakens even against his will.

As a conclusion

Of course, regularly holding a bottle in your arms is very tiring, since the baby becomes even more plump every day. That is why it is necessary to ensure a close connection between mother and child in other, less burdensome ways.

Experts recommend holding your baby close to you more often. For example, at night you can put him in a crib located next to his parents’ bed, or wear him in a sling. In this case, after going to bed, the babies sleep more peacefully and do not wake up as often.

Such measures allow parents to use pens less often in order to “force” the child to fall asleep. The baby, having had enough of interacting with his mother during the day, quickly closes his eyes, without fear of being left without her warmth and smell.

Well, it’s also important to understand that falling asleep in your arms is not forever. Very soon the child will outgrow this habit, and the mother will begin to remember with nostalgia that her baby once clung tightly to her, and did not run away, trying to become more independent and independent.