Your baby is growing very quickly. And any parent happily watches the development of their beloved son or daughter. But what if a 2-year-old child doesn’t listen? Parents often do not understand what is happening to their beloved child, why he suddenly falls to the ground, waves his arms and legs, and screams in a voice that is not his own. And it is completely unclear what to do in such a situation. With the best intentions, parents make mistakes that can easily be avoided by following simple rules.
Mom is tired: what to do if a 2-year-old child doesn’t listen?
Many mothers at certain moments are faced with bad behavior of the baby. Usually, purposeful children's disobedience awaits parents in preschool age, but some kids “give heat” even in earlier years. For example, two-year-olds suddenly begin to act up over trifles, throw toys, bite and throw tantrums in crowded places. It is not surprising that concerned parents are trying to find out why their 2-year-old child does not obey and what to do about it.
How to make a child obedient
In order for a child to begin to obey at the age of two, it is not at all necessary to achieve this at any cost, even by establishing a totalitarian routine. Will this make anyone feel better? Or maybe you need to be more attentive to your child, learn to listen to him? If one day endlessly loving parents follow the child’s lead, he will immediately feel their weakness and begin to achieve his goals through hysterics and other kinds of “concerts”. According to the famous pediatrician Komarovsky, the best thing you can do in this situation is not to pay attention
and the young manipulator, having lost the grateful viewer, and, consequently, the motivation for hysteria, will stop this activity.
If parents are consistent
and patient, then this stage will be in their favor.
A scream, a hysteria from an adored child - we just calmly leave the room, and don’t turn it into a battlefield. Only deliberate actions by adults can lead a conflict situation into a peaceful direction. A child should always understand what he did wrong and what he did well. To do this, it is necessary to establish a dialogue with him, discuss the difficult situation, explaining in detail the essence of his actions. Don't forget about consistency
so that parents’ decisions do not depend on a good mood and what was prohibited yesterday would not be allowed today. By avoiding “outbursts of generosity,” you can achieve stability in your relationship with your two-year-old baby.
The baby should be limited in activities
, but these boundaries should not be imposed, but discussed, so that she can understand that if mom is brushing her teeth or preparing dinner, she cannot be disturbed. There is an opinion that with the birth of a child, the personal life of adults fades into the background, but this is a misconception. We need to instill in children the understanding that moms and dads have their own needs.
At the first sign of an impending tantrum, an excellent option would be to switch the child's attention.
, here everyone fantasizes as best they can.
You can focus on a flock of birds, show a running dog, a passing car or a flying plane. If the goal is not achieved, you can resort to another trick and offer the manipulative child an alternative option, for example: “Watch a cartoon, but only one”, “you want me to buy a toy, okay, but tomorrow”, “I’ll read a book, but wash my face first” — the main thing is to be one step ahead
, and not follow the lead.
Praise can also help achieve positive results in the struggle for obedience.
- having praised the child for putting away a toy, a selected candy wrapper, cute scribbles on a piece of paper, you can tell him that mom and dad are very glad that they have such an obedient son or daughter, thereby stimulating the child to new good deeds in order to hear again praise.
to give the child a choice when necessary.
even at 2 years old - if he asks for chocolate, and it’s bad for his health, then use a trick and offer cookies and fruit in return, the main thing is to make the child feel like the master of the situation.
Two-year-olds love to help adults, and in order for them to feel important, it is necessary to involve them in simple homework.
, for example, pouring food for the kitten, fiddling with a piece of dough, helping mom carry a light bag to the kitchen - it is important that they feel like a very important part of the family.
And, of course, special attention should be paid to the regime
, because if the child has had enough sleep and is well-fed, he will be cheerful and cheerful, which means it will be easier for him to cope with his emotions.
The main reasons for disobedience in two-year-olds
A growing child's behavior always changes; this is an axiom that one should come to terms with. But the severity of negative reactions largely depends on the characteristics of upbringing, hereditary predisposition and type of temperament. The onset of “naughty” behavior does not have strict boundaries and fluctuates significantly.
Psychologists note that from about two years old, the baby enters a “period of protest.” The categorical word “no” appears in his vocabulary, sounding in response to every request and proposal of an adult. Wash your hands! - No! Put away the toys! - No! Simple instructions and wishes cause furious discontent.
The parents get the impression that the child has been replaced. Repetitions, spanking and screaming do not have a pronounced effect. Mommies are physically and psychologically exhausted in the daily “war”, and are also tormented by feelings of guilt. After all, you can’t spank children, but you can’t restrain yourself.
It is important to understand! It is impossible to jump over the protest period in the development of a child’s personality. In this way he learns about the world around him. However, you can reduce the number of conflict situations by reacting correctly, being patient, and preventing bouts of stubborn behavior
.
Age characteristics
To understand why a child does not obey, parents need to take into account his age characteristics. As the baby grows older, he reacts differently to the requests of his elders. To recognize authority and meet their expectations, he needs to gradually learn to control his moods, impulses and desires. To do this, he tries to expand the boundaries of what is permitted and ignore adults. This “walking on the edge” can lead to problematic behavior and an unfavorable family environment.
Behavioral characteristics of children 3-7 years old
A characteristic feature of most preschoolers is egocentrism. Constant care and attention from adults leads to the idea that the world revolves around them and parents are obliged to satisfy their interests and needs. This is one of the main reasons why children do not want to obey. At the same time, elders must behave in such a way that children develop trust in them, but at the same time maintain a sense of danger in relation to strangers.
It is typical for preschoolers:
· constantly check the boundaries of permissibility;
· demand that their interests and requests be fulfilled first;
· act based on your own goals;
· reason and speak concretely, rather than hypothetically or figuratively.
Therefore, as soon as the boundaries of a small child are narrowed and his requests are ignored, whims begin. If at the same time the parents constantly quarrel and make scandals, this affects his sensitivity to the environment and leaves an imprint on the psyche. To prevent a preschooler from withdrawing into himself and developing deviant behavior, harmony and stability must reign in the house. It is advisable to follow the advice of psychologists, namely:
· maintain a routine and schedule, paying attention to the period of sleep and wakefulness;
· choose a time for direct communication with the child;
· communicate with him in direct and accessible language;
· ensure that the baby understands the meaning of the words and requests of elders;
· do not repeat your requests twice, as this may undermine your authority;
· be an example and demonstrate your communication skills, which are manifested in the ability to listen and hear.
These recommendations will help develop a behavior strategy in cases where a preschool child does not obey. Showing your support and giving clear instructions can help you achieve compliance more quickly.
Behavioral characteristics of schoolchildren aged 8-12 years
The main reason why a child does not want to obey at the age of 8-12 is the influence of peers. At school, he has new authority figures. Here conditions are created so that he can express himself and then feel proud of his successes and achievements. Despite this, schoolchildren do not yet have a developed sense of identity and responsibility. They are curious, but cannot assess risk or respect social norms, leading to impulsive behavior.
Unlike preschoolers, schoolchildren can already act in a reasoned and organized manner. However, they still think concretely and not abstractly. All their behavior is aimed at their own goals and interests. Based on this, parents should:
· clearly and reasonably formulate your requests;
· do not solve all problem situations for the child;
· constantly communicate with him on various topics;
· provide the right to choose, but offer no more than two possible options for resolving the situation;
· use authoritative phrases in everyday conversations;
· simplify family rules;
· assert your authority by using a decisive tone and remaining calm.
These tips from a psychologist will be useful in situations where a child 8-12 years old does not listen. With the help of clear rules and instructions, you can defend parental authority and achieve the right relationship with the student.
Behavioral characteristics of adolescents
During adolescence, children develop a sense of self-identification, which helps them assess their significance, determine their place in life and the level of its perception. During this period, values and beliefs are formed that change behavior. By defining personal boundaries, teenagers react differently to familiar requests and situations. In this regard, parents begin to complain that the child does not obey.
The behavior of adolescents is influenced by their personality traits, the level of accumulated stress and excitability. If at the same time there is no support, recognition and respect in the family, they look for them in the outside world. While relationships with friends, coaches, or teachers are warmer and stronger, they may be depressed and aggressive at home. According to statistics, a teenage child is more sensitive to bullying, bullying and ridicule from classmates, family scandals, and pressure from outside. Therefore, he is more susceptible to depression, anxiety and other psychological problems.
In order for a teenager to begin to obey, parents need:
· focus on your attitude towards him, rather than trying to develop new methods of discipline and education;
· demonstrate your love, support and respect;
· talk about its significance and value;
· respect his emotions, which at the stage of puberty can take an exaggerated form;
· respect his intelligence and experience;
· speak and act while maintaining parental authority;
· clearly formulate your requests and demands;
· warn about the possible consequences of his disobedience, but do not threaten.
All teenagers want is to feel independent. The task of parents is to give them the opportunity to “spread their wings” by taking on the functions of a mentor and monitoring safety.
Most often, a child does not obey for two main reasons:
- he is forced to do something he does not want to do;
- he is denied what he strives for.
First of all, let us note the following fact: children’s perception differs significantly from the worldview of adults. A small child sometimes does not understand at all what his mother and father require of him. In addition, the children's nervous system does not yet control the processes of excitation and inhibition. Therefore, the baby is physically unable to sit in silence for more than 5 minutes.
Disobedience also occurs in response to:
— establishing unreasonably strict restrictions (you can’t run, make noise);
- inconsistency of actions - parents prohibit, grannies allow;
- poor health of the child, when a 2-year-old child does not obey due to a rise in temperature and a sore tooth.
Conclusions and recommendations
Education is a complex and responsible process. Sometimes children need a little reason to throw a tantrum, break toys, refuse to sleep, want the impossible, fight - in a word, show their developing character by any means. It is important for mom and dad to remember that at 2-3 years old it is quite difficult to show obedience.
The world around is interesting, I want to explore, touch, taste.
Children do not understand that some things can be dangerous, and therefore they do not want to deviate from the chosen route. Therefore, the bans are depressing. Boys and girls begin to assert independence, refusing literally everything. This is how the crisis of negativism manifests itself - a phenomenon that helps the baby grow up.
The parents' strategy should be aimed at gently resolving the conflict, supporting the child, expressing feelings and finding a compromise in possible situations. If the father and mother manage to maintain a strong position, then the two-year-old will again become kind and affectionate thanks to the previously formed attachment.
How to communicate correctly with a two-year-old child?
Children at an early age require maximum attention and understanding from their beloved mothers. If the child is capricious, ask him what he wants. Voicing your motives helps even such young toddlers. If this recommendation does not work, follow the following advice from psychologists.
1. Requirements must be formulated clearly and concisely.
If a 2-year-old child does not obey, the parents do not understand how to behave. All you need to remember is that he takes your words literally. “Get ready for a walk,” you say. But he still doesn’t understand the sequence of steps. This is why it is important to do the instructions step by step, after completing the previous one:
"Come to me";
“Let’s put on a jacket;
“Now let’s put on our pants”;
"Sit on a chair";
“Putting on boots”;
“We put on our jacket and hat.”
The rule of five "don'ts" or how to avoid mistakes
Before learning the rules of behavior with naughty children, you should familiarize yourself with the prohibited actions of parents.
You can't go to higher tones . The screaming of parents provokes even greater irritability of the baby, which leads to increased anger in adults. And so on in a circle until the whole family comes to a dead end of anger and despair. You shouldn’t break the psyche of yourself and your children; you need to take careful steps towards overcoming difficulties. If the baby does not obey, this is not a reason to scare him with loud screams and scandals.
You can't shout or punish a child
You can't invent punishments. It is difficult for children as young as two years old to understand exactly why he is being punished. Therefore, such radical measures can only worsen the situation. You can only eliminate the object of controversy.
- if a child asks to play with a glass cup, put it in the closet;
- when the baby refuses to collect toys, take them to the balcony;
- If a baby becomes capricious in a store, you should stop taking it shopping with you.
In this way, misdeeds will not go unpunished, and a little man at two years old will begin to understand: “what is good and what is bad.”
You cannot insult or humiliate children. As mentioned above, a child (even one who is only two years old) is, first of all, a person to whom respect and understanding should be shown. Name-calling and offensive comparisons from adults provoke children to behave in the same way in the future with younger and weaker children.
You can't sort things out in front of children
You can't contradict each other. If one parent punished and the other forgave, then the cunning child will quickly learn to seek consolation and get out of the situation from a convenient side. The result is that a two-year-old child does not obey either his mother or father.
To avoid such missteps, coordinate your actions with each other.
You cannot sort things out in front of strangers . Remember? They don't wash dirty linen in public. So, problems with the baby need to be solved away from prying eyes.
It happens that kids are capricious for no reason. The nervous system of children is very fragile and unstable. It sometimes malfunctions, manifesting itself in this way. All you need to do is just let the child cry. You'll see, in half an hour everything will fall into place. What should mom do during this time? Show the baby that he is loved, needed, and most importantly, understood by his parents.
We need to let the baby cry
Even an adult needs support and support, let alone a two-year-old baby.
2. There should be few restrictions, but they must be categorical.
Do you prohibit jumping on sofas and armchairs today? Please be kind enough to support this ban tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. However, the number of restrictions should be kept to a minimum. The ideal option is to prohibit things that threaten the life and health of the little one: you cannot grab knives, climb to the window, beat animals, etc.
At such a young age, one should not surround a child with prohibitions. Two-year-olds are actively learning about reality. And he wets his feet not to spite you, but simply to measure the puddle on the street. Look at the world through children's eyes, and perhaps the reasons for disobedience will sparkle with new colors.
Some more useful tips from experienced mothers
Everything listed below has been used by experienced moms. According to them, it was these tips that helped them cope with the situation at one time.
Clearly assign roles
Often, parents make a mistake - they put their children on an equal footing with themselves. Remember, you are an adult, which means you are in charge.
And the first thing to do is to stop completely being on the same level - be more persistent, show who is in charge here, that, despite a strong friendship, you still need to be obeyed.
Use the words “later” and “tomorrow”
Learn to talk to your child. Most likely, he will not be able to answer you clearly, and for now he will only bark and say “no” or “yes,” but your explanations and words can become key so that the child understands the problem and its solution.
Therefore, say the words “later”, “after”, “tomorrow” more often. If the child does not want to do something, “Do you want to play now?” After an affirmative “yes”, continue:
“Now we’ll eat, and later we’ll play, okay?”
The same scheme should be used if the child does not want to sleep or leave the street. In general, it works in many similar situations. You should not expect results right away. Initially, the baby may start crying again if you again tell him to do something he doesn’t want to do. So when it's done, don't forget to say:
"Here you go. We've eaten, now we'll play. Do you remember what I promised you?”
Learn to use a stern voice and code phrases
If the situation gets out of control, come up with a code word that the child will later perceive as a stop
.
enough is enough” can be taken as a basis.
“. Pronounce it loudly; it will be an effective remedy if the child does not obey, fights, is hysterical, etc.
When you feel the power of this word, come up with a new one - for example, count to three in situations where he behaves incorrectly. Gradually, the child will begin to understand that when counting, he is acting inappropriately and needs to stop.
Put yourself in the position of a child
In order for your child to listen to you more, you need to show that you understand him and his feelings.
Try to use more words - you're sad, right? Don't you feel like eating? Say the words “I understand”, “I would like to too, but...”. Try to understand him and show that you are at one with him, but not in a situation where your specific “no” is required.
A child should not break prohibitions
Make them sit down, take them aside and explain what not to do.
If a child gets very playful and starts acting out, then you should try to take the child aside and have an explanatory conversation.
Teach your child to say “please” and “thank you”. Teach to share yours if the child takes something else. Teach not to take toys from your hands and wait in line. This is very important for the baby’s future life and socialization in society. A child can say thank you by blowing a kiss, hugging or stroking.
What to do?
Sometimes simple psychological recommendations do not give a pronounced effect, so parents are confused: a 2-year-old child does not listen, it is completely unclear what to do. Mothers are literally dumbfounded, imagining how they will cope with this naughty child in the future.
In general, parents can use 3 tactics to deal with children’s misbehavior:
- threat and transition to punishment;
- absolute ignoring of the child;
- switching children's attention to a more interesting object.
Due to age characteristics, only the third option can be used in relation to two-year-old children. They don’t yet understand the reason for the punishment, and ignoring a child at that age is simply dangerous. Three minutes is enough, and he will already find a dangerous adventure.
Switching attention works especially well in a situation of incipient hysteria. It should be remembered that the mental processes of babies are unstable, so they quickly forget what they demanded a couple of minutes ago. “Look at the dog running,” exclaims the mother of the sobbing little one. And he does absolutely the right thing, because there is no trace of tears left immediately.
If you think that if a 2-year-old child does not obey and throws tantrums, then it is still necessary to punish him, remember the rules of adequate disciplinary action at an early age:
- the child needs to explain the reason for the punishment; - be consistent;
- coordinate your actions with your spouse;
- do not punish the baby when you are angry;
- don’t humiliate him;
- apologize if you were punished wrongfully;
- do not remember his offense after punishment;
- do not punish in front of strangers;
— you cannot punish a sick child during meals, before or after sleep, or during an enthusiastic activity.
A child needs parental love and understanding. Therefore, do not resort to harsh disciplinary measures against your two-year-old.
Why doesn't the child listen?
At the age of two, the child begins to develop a perception of himself as an independent person. It is during this period that some parental requests and restrictions can cause disobedience and sometimes aggression. There are two main reasons for this behavior in a child:
- When he is asked to do something that he does not want to do at all.
- In case of refusal in what he really wants to do.
It happens that an attack of disobedience develops into hysteria. Very often in such cases, mothers and fathers nod at the intolerable character of their child, at his ingratitude, but let's look at this problem from the side of a 2-year-old child: he is an adult, independent, but he is deprived of freedom of action, forced to be within the limits of what is permitted, without giving the right to, albeit failed, attempts to learn something new, hence the protest
against parental misunderstanding, sometimes in the form of disobedience and hysteria.
Inconsistency can also lead to unusual behavior in a child.
parents themselves, if yesterday some of his actions were condemned and could have resulted in punishment, but today they suddenly become normal, he has a feeling of disorientation, which often leads to disobedience.
To no less an extent, the same result should be expected with complete permissiveness
, when it is perceived by parents as a “happy childhood,” which ultimately turns the child into a capricious and spoiled child.
Differences between mothers and fathers in matters of upbringing can have a great impact on a child’s behavior.
. Sometimes the boundaries of the conflict expand, and the older generation joins in; this circumstance does not have a positive effect on a person who is only 2 years old.
Sometimes adults get very carried away in the search for truth and sometimes, albeit for a short time, they forget about their child, who, trying to attract attention and respect, is ready for a lot, including disobedience and hysteria. Children, as we know, are great manipulators, and, according to the famous pediatrician Evgeniy Komarovsky, at any age, they very easily recognize which of the adults is controlled, that is, runs to them for every little thing, for example, mothers and grandmothers, and who does not succumb to their tricks, for example, of dads, in the end it turns out that all the hysterics go to compassionate women.
However, we should never forget about serious reasons that can lead to hysterics and aggression in a two-year-old child - these are health problems
, in this case, a mandatory consultation with a pediatrician will be required.
To summarize, we can say that children are not always obedient; even the calmest and most docile baby is sometimes capable of rebellion and manifestation of character, which is sometimes a good signal, as the child grows, develops and strives for independence.
Typical problems
Experts identify 5 main types of child disobedience. Each is based on prerequisites determined by age characteristics and external circumstances. The most common problems are as follows:
- Behavior that poses a danger to the child himself and others. For example, on the street, a child may continue to break free from his mother's arms, grab sharp objects, or do other things that he was asked not to do.
- Protest. Any request or demand from the parents causes resistance in the child, accompanied by hysteria. He doesn’t want to get dressed, go home, sit down to dinner, etc. This problem is often observed at 3-4 years of age.
- Disturbing the peace of others. The screaming and running of children in public places often leads to parents receiving comments from people nearby.
- Ignoring. Children do not comply with adults' requests and do not explain their behavior. For example, a mother asks her to clean the room, but her son remains indifferent to her words.
- Constant requirements. Children persistently ask to buy something for them. If the parent refuses, then the persuasion continues, often accompanied by screaming, tears and other types of manipulation.
