What does laziness mean? A psychologist tells what to do with a lazy child

“My son is in the 5th grade, he is 11 years old. Every time I wait for the start of the school year with fear. All I hear from teachers is “he’s pretty bright, but he’s just very lazy.” And I agree with the teachers. I have a hard time forcing my son to study. He chatters in class and sometimes doesn’t write anything at all in his notebook; he starts homework only after a scandal.

It would be nice if I burdened him with chores around the house. But no - he is free from everything, as long as he studies well. And if I sometimes ask you to wash the dishes, I hear only one answer: I don’t want to, I’m lazy. A year ago I tearfully asked for a puppy. Bought. And what do you think? Now I take care of him because my son is too lazy to walk the dog. He says it's boring and uninteresting. It’s also boring for him to go to classes and engage in some kind of hobby. He's constantly messing around.

I tried to motivate my son with gifts so that he would study hard. She said that she would get the toy she wanted only after a well-written test. It helped for a while - it really helped me improve my studies. But then, as soon as I got what I wanted, I fell back into grades. I continue to motivate with pocket money. But my wallet is not rubber - I can’t constantly give him money for good grades. Yes, and I understand that this is wrong. I don’t know what to do with my lazy child anymore.”

— Yulia, mother of 11-year-old Vadim

Many parents say: “my child is a real lazy person.” And this capacious phrase can include anything - poor performance at school, reluctance to help around the house and attend classes, procrastination, lack of desire to achieve goals. But can such a typically “adult” phenomenon as laziness really be characteristic of naturally active, inquisitive children? Why do they sometimes not want to do anything? In this article we will understand the causes of this problem and give valuable recommendations on how to raise a lazy child.

Causes of children's laziness

There are no naturally lazy children. Judge for yourself: every child aged 2-4 tirelessly repeats the phrase “I do it myself” and gets angry when he is not allowed to do something on his own. He actively explores the world, wants to help his mother and participate in organizing family life.

Laziness is an acquired behavior pattern. And most often these are flaws in upbringing on the part of parents. Laziness begins to manifest itself when a child turns 5-6 years old. The baby may throw real tantrums when asked to put away toys, make the bed, or fold clothes neatly. At first, parents, through persuasion, manage to encourage the baby to act. But as the child grows up, it will become increasingly difficult to force him to do something. [1]

Why do children become lazy? Lack of hard work and a constant desire for idleness are caused by both psychological and physiological reasons. [2]

1. Overprotection from parents

Sometimes adults themselves teach children to be lazy, limiting their independence and any impulses to help somehow. Parents, constantly repeating “what are you doing, let me help you,” begin to do everything for the child. Of course, an adult will make the bed and tie his shoelaces much faster and more accurately. And I don’t want to wait for the baby to do it himself, and even worse. But because of such “concern,” the child develops bad habits: the expectation that others will do everything for him.

1. Lack of motivation

The child’s eyes light up and everything works out great when he takes on what he loves. But cleaning the house, doing homework and walking the dog is an uninteresting routine. Especially if the parents themselves turn household chores into a tedious chore, “under pressure” forcing the child to do something. Naturally, the child resists in every possible way and responds to all requests “I don’t want to.” As a result, the flowers are not watered, homework is done somehow, and dirty dishes remain in the sink.

1. Not understanding why to do this

Sometimes children simply do not understand why it is necessary to perform this or that action. A 5-7 year old child has his own logic. Why make your bed in the morning if you go back to sleep in the evening? However, it’s the same with teenagers. Why study math if you want to go to law school?

A child shirks from performing certain tasks when parents simply demand something from him, but do not explain in any way why it is important.

1. Lack of self-confidence

In some cases, the child’s reluctance to do something hides not true laziness, but fear of defeat and low self-esteem. When a child is not confident in himself, he has difficulty taking on something new, setting himself up for failure in advance. He reasons like this: “Why do anything at all if nothing will work out for me anyway.” Hence the complete passivity. And parents immediately award the child the title “lazy”.

1. Features of temperament

Sometimes pronounced characteristics of a child’s temperament are mistakenly called laziness. The baby may be naturally slow and inactive, and parents believe that he is shirking housework. But the child just needs time to “build up” in order to take on this or that task.

1. Physical and emotional fatigue

With a busy daily routine, laziness can appear due to elementary fatigue. School, clubs, sports clubs - in a busy schedule “imposed” by parents, the child does not have time for games and rest. Physical and psychological fatigue translates into reluctance to act.

Let's teach your child to learn with pleasure

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The real reasons for laziness

According to child psychologists, laziness does not appear out of nowhere. There are many factors behind its appearance. You just need to take a closer look at your child, try to see the hidden reasons for laziness. The most frequently encountered by psychologists include:

1. Lack of motivation. When a child refuses to do something in a kindergarten group, the teacher shows cunning: he gives out special tasks (watering flowers, laying out materials for classes), arranges competitions (who will complete the task faster and better), and actively uses reward methods. Children forget about their reluctance and work enthusiastically. Relatives turn work at home into a monotonous chore, then any activity becomes routine, for example, daily cleaning of toys, folding clothes after a walk.
2. Lack of self-confidence. A child can be shy by nature, psychologically dependent on his mother and father. He is afraid to learn new things. But adults also don’t like to do unmastered things. You cannot call a child lazy if the child is afraid to start a new or difficult task.
3. Temperament. Little phlegmatic people are slow. To active people, children with a phlegmatic temperament seem lazy. There is no point in pushing or scolding them, since the slow ones work at their own pace. Cholerics also seem lazy. Such children are active in games, and cleaning and studying are boring activities.
4. Physical fatigue. Physical fatigue occurs when a child is busy with schoolwork throughout the week. Relatives strive to give the best; in addition to the educational institution, they take the child to a development center, a dance class, a swimming pool, gymnastics, and English classes. The young man loses his strength and cannot perform labor duties around the house, for example, sort out his closet, help his mother set the table, water the flowers, or take a walk with the pet.
5. Psychological fatigue. Parents want to see a successful person in their offspring, so they force them to devote their free time to study. Lack of motor activity and play activities lead to psychological fatigue, which develops into reluctance to work.
6. Guardianship. The family may limit the child’s independence. Some are annoyed that the baby takes a long time to tie his shoelaces, others are worried that the bow is untidy. When the elder works for the child and deprives him of initiative, he learns not to work, but to the habit of waiting for everything to be done for him.

What could be hidden behind a child's laziness?

Before ridding a child of laziness, let's figure out what exactly is hidden behind his reluctance to do anything. Psychologists say that often adults themselves, without meaning to, provoke the child into such behavior:

• When a toddler comes to kindergarten or school, relatives are faced with additional tasks. First, crafts, then full-fledged homework in academic subjects become the main thing at home. By holding various exhibitions, competitions, educational institutions want to help children develop their creative abilities. It often turns out the other way around, since in the pursuit of victory, mothers take on the work themselves, doing a “disservice” to the child. Children quickly get used to a passive role, unable to show independence.
• Often smart children stop learning at a certain stage; a problem arises associated with certain factors. For example, a junior student successfully completes the 1st-2nd grade program, he is not loaded with higher-level tasks, and his interest in learning fades. The student gets used to being successful without effort. In grades 3-4, a lot changes; the program requires effort, perseverance, and monotonous repetitions. And a child who is not used to making efforts is afraid of seeming stupid and stops trying.
• For first-graders, some families invite tutors. Then younger schoolchildren do not want to accept the teacher’s information, knowing that the tutor will explain and help. The teacher sees a lazy student, and parents wonder why such a lazy person is growing up.

Important! Show your child every day that work skills make life more interesting and expand the boundaries of the accessible world. Encourage his initiative, even if the child does not yet have developed skills.

Lazy child: what happens next?

Laziness will become a learned behavior pattern if you do not try to correct the child’s habits. He will carry all negative attitudes into adulthood. If children's laziness is not stopped by their parents in any way, then the child is unlikely to become very “stressed.” And this will manifest itself in everything - in achieving goals, career growth, building relationships with people.

Labor is necessary for full mental and physical development. A child’s lack of need for activity often leads to personality degradation. Psychologists identify the following negative consequences of childhood laziness:

• poor performance at school and university;
• passivity in all areas of life;
• poor physical shape due to a passive lifestyle;
• reluctance and inability to achieve set goals;
• procrastination (putting things off until later);
• a haunting feeling of guilt due to tasks not being completed on time;
• lack of bright emotions in life. [2]

How to overcome childhood laziness and not harm the child?

Let’s think for a moment: why does it upset us so much, and sometimes simply throw us out of our state of mental balance, that the child, as it seems to us, is lazy and doesn’t want to do anything? If all our wishes for a child came true, what would it become? An obedient little robot that meekly does any housework, does homework without reminders, and at the end of the day, takes care of us who are tired - brings tea, doesn’t interfere with watching TV...

The whole problem is that if a child is simply well-trained and does something only because mom and dad said so, then such hard work will be of no use. In the end, the child will grow up and understand that his work does not bring him any satisfaction, he doesn’t want to do something “for himself” at all, and in general it is not clear what his soul is and what his calling is.

Unfortunately, very often such children seek reassurance in all sorts of escapism from reality: computer games, slot machines, nicotine and alcohol addictions, and even drug addiction. And it turns out that no matter how much we wanted to raise a hardworking, successful, harmonious, highly moral and intellectual person, we failed.

What can parents do who do not want to see their child as an uninterested slacker, but at the same time do not want to engage in “training” and accustoming them to work by force?

It's all about motivation

Fighting childhood laziness can be like fighting windmills if we don’t take into account one very important point: in order to do something, do it well and even enjoy the process, a person simply needs to clearly understand the answer to the question: “For the sake of what?". Knowing why you need to make efforts and spend your time, a person of any age will be able not only to overcome his laziness and craving for empty pastime, but also to cope with many objective difficulties that stand in the way.

Motivation for activity is a complex issue. Many serious works have been written, many classifications of needs and motives have been created, and there are sometimes very different points of view on issues of goal setting and motivation. In this area of ​​knowledge, we will be interested only in what, one way or another, has practical application in solving the problem of accustoming a child to work, learning and any other useful activity.

Many children are ready to move mountains to feel that their parents are proud of them and respect their achievements. For most children, acceptance and attention from significant adults has enormous motivational potential, and we can use this to try to overcome the child's reluctance to put in effort and do something. At the same time, it would be completely wrong to show your child your love and bestow attention only when he has achieved something or coped with a difficult job. The child should feel that he is loved exactly as he is. But at the same time, the eyes of a caring mother and father can shine a little brighter when he, the child, pleases everyone with his successes and lack of laziness.

It is very important for children, especially teenagers, how their peers treat them. They have a very strong need to feel like they belong to “their” group, be it classmates, teammates in the sports section, or friends in the yard company. Such groups have their own rules and principles, and it may well be that hard work is not valued there, but, on the contrary, is considered something negative, “shameful.” Naturally, in this case, the child will do his best to hide his work achievements or, even worse, will try to internally meet the standards of a significant group.

✏ The first thing parents can do in this case is to teach the child to defend his opinion, confront his immediate environment, and not be like everyone else. In extreme cases, parents will have to decide what they can do to protect the child from the negative influence of his company. On the other hand, we can try to “place” the child in the team that suits us in terms of its values ​​and priorities. Of course, you shouldn’t just enroll your child in a chess class and expect him to spend hours solving complex games. Every effort must be made to ensure that people, the work itself, and communication bring joy to the child, so that he really wants to live up to the high principles of this group.

The need for acceptance from parents and peers is directly related to the child’s need for self-esteem and self-acceptance. The reason for the painstaking work may well be the child’s desire to feel “good”, even regardless of the assessments of parents and friends. It is important for all of us to feel like we are not the lowest person, and for this we are ready to spend our time and energy.

Find something your child loves to do

Probably the most important thing we can do for a child is to help him find himself, his business, to show him the pleasure that you experience when you are doing something that is interesting, and you are completely absorbed in the process itself, and do not think that I’ll be patient a little longer, I’ll strain, and then... Although the realization that the hard work is over and you can enjoy the fruits of your labor also brings a lot of joy.

Here the example of climbers and other mountain conquerors will be very clear. From the outside, it seems incomprehensible why people spend a lot of effort and energy over and over again to get to a place that can easily be reached by a mountain lift or helicopter. But if you have been to the mountains, you know very well

that until you yourself climb a high mountain and experience the thrill of overcoming yourself, you will not feel all the beauty of the mountain landscape.

It is parents who can instill in a child a love for such “ascents”. It is we who can teach once again to overcome our fatigue, weakness and desire to crawl under a warm blanket, teach us to rise above our own laziness in order to accomplish a small feat, even if only in the kitchen or behind textbooks, but for a worthwhile goal.

How can all this be done in practice? There are a lot of options. But no one except you and your child will be able to find that one path along which you will walk in joy, despite all the steep ascents and descents, unexpected obstacles and other difficulties.

Let's look at specific actions that parents can take when setting out to help their child find something they love.

✏ Firstly, parents must monitor the interests of the child very carefully. And it doesn’t matter that everyone in your family has been musicians from generation to generation. If your child prefers to kick a ball in the yard, and the sight of black and white keys makes his eyes dazzle and an uncontrollable drowsiness appears, then it would be much better to send your child to a sports section than to ruin the life of both yourself and “ future great pianist."

✏ Secondly, it is very good if, at least at first, you and your child also do something interesting to him. Children, especially small ones, strive to imitate their parents and receive their approval, and besides, they need our attention and communication like air. Therefore, if a mother and her daughter take up beadwork, and a father once again goes to the playground with a young football player, the result will be positive in any case. Of course, you don’t need to master all the intricacies of your child’s new hobby; for this, there are professional teachers who you just need to find. But it is parental participation and approval that can help a child get carried away with the process.

✏ Thirdly, the child must have a choice. Nowadays there are so many clubs, sections and interest clubs! If you want, go horse riding, if you want, learn Chinese, if you want, jump with a parachute, if you want, learn to bake cheesecakes with cottage cheese. If you wish, you can learn anything: ancient martial arts, calligraphy, chess, wood painting and pottery. And of course, more and more schools are opening that seriously train future musicians, artists, and poets.

All that remains is to make a choice. It’s not scary even if it’s not correct, and after a while the child will understand that rhythmic gymnastics is not for him. Time and effort spent on an activity you enjoy will not disappear without a trace. In addition to the acquired skills and abilities, the child will still have a feeling of joy from his favorite activity. And it’s like a drug - you want to get it more and more and more.

The only thing you need to be careful with is overtiring the child. With great opportunities opening up, parents sometimes strive to enroll their child in the first, second, and third sections. And a child can be interested everywhere. But if you begin to notice that he is developing unreasonable irritability, drowsiness, and in general he is not behaving quite the way he did before he started attending all the sections, you should stop and give up something. Even positive emotions can be too much. The child's nervous system may not yet be ready to digest so many new impressions and information.

❧ We must not forget that any person, and especially a small one, simply needs free time, when you can do nothing and not think about anything specifically, when you can contemplate, go into the world of your own thoughts and impressions.

Helpers in the fight against laziness

Let's dwell on small tricks that will help us not break a copy against the impenetrable wall of childhood laziness and will give us the opportunity to move forward with the solution to the eternal question of what, when and to whom to do.

The first trick. For most people, music can play a positive role in getting unwanted work done. Remember: “The song helps us build and live”? Likewise, teenagers turn on their very loud and sometimes not very melodic music precisely because it is much easier to do house cleaning while listening to it. Psychologists say that when doing mental work, it is very useful to listen to classical music; this has a good effect on the effectiveness of the activity.

Trick two . You can add game elements to almost any activity. Of course, this is more suitable for young children who live by playing, but older ones will find it much more enjoyable to do a boring activity if it is played out in a manner that is interesting to the child. To what extent, how and what game moments can be used? Everything depends on the imagination of the parents and the child, on their ability not only to engage in serious work, but also to fool around, to see even in a difficult task opportunities for play.

Trick three . Correctly used universal human tendency to compete can be a good help in teaching a child to set goals and then achieve them. Here I immediately remember Nikolai Nosov’s story “Gardeners”. What can you do to ensure that the treasured red banner ends up on your site! Indeed, the spirit of competition can work wonders not only on the sports field, but also in everyday life. We are ready to work and work again to be ahead of everyone, or at least ahead of those who simply need to get ahead.

Trick four. First of all, understanding why this task is being done can help pass the time doing a boring task. If the work is quite monotonous, then various meditative and rhythmic techniques will be a good help. Remember how in the fairy tale “The Pipe and the Jug” dad taught Zhenya to pick strawberries? “I take one berry, look at another, notice a third, and see a fourth.” By setting a certain rhythm and not particularly involving consciousness in the process of activity (unless this, of course, is required), we can achieve faster results with low energy costs, rather than wasting our inner strength worrying that we again have to do an unpleasant task.

Trick number five . In my practice, keeping the so-called Diary of Useful Deeds has had good results. In this Diary you can write down a variety of things, but first of all, everything that is connected with your own “labor” plans or “labor” victories.

Diary. Of course, each task can simply be completed on a separate sheet, but it is much more effective if all the tasks are collected in one place and the child can return to them. In addition, you can come up with something of your own to write in the Diary. In general, working with the Diary can be a kind of ritual that will allow the child to track his achievements and failures on the difficult path of learning to work hard.

Olga Yurchenko, child psychologist

What to do if your child is lazy: 5 recommendations from psychologists

“I always considered my child to be very lazy. From an early age, Sasha did not want to do anything - neither brush his teeth, nor go to the pool, nor make his bed in the morning. Somehow I didn’t attach any importance to this - I’ll say strictly, he will do it anyway. But when my son turned 9 years old, I began to ask him more and more often to help me around the house - after all, he had already grown up. Sasha constantly refused; he was more interested in playing on his tablet than in washing dishes.

My husband took the initiative. He often goes on business trips and after his next return he called his son for a serious “manly” conversation. He explained to Sasha that he was now forced to work a lot away from home, so he was entrusting him with an extremely important mission - taking care of his mother. You can’t imagine - my seemingly indifferent child has swelled with pride and now helps me around the house without talking. He vacuums, waters flowers, walks outside with his little sister. Now Sasha feels not like a little boy, but like an adult assistant.”

— Elena, mother of 9-year-old Sasha

The fight against childhood laziness is a long process. Try not to put pressure on your child, demanding activity from him and “compressing” his daily schedule with household chores. Act gently - without reproaches, blackmail and loud scandals.

Psychologists give the following recommendations to help fight childhood laziness:

1. Lead by example

Children copy the behavior of adults. If a child from early childhood sees how reluctantly mom and dad do household chores, then he himself will most likely begin to shirk cleaning.

Set an extremely positive example for your child. In front of children, it is not recommended to show dissatisfaction with your work, speak negatively about your bosses and staff, or talk about how bored you were at school. Approach everyday tasks easily and with optimism, which will also energize your child. Be active yourself so that your baby becomes more active.

1. Forget about the “stick method”

In the fight against childhood laziness, the “stick method” does not work at all. Neither threats, nor shouting, nor punishment will help. This way you only aggravate the situation, since the child, out of a completely natural sense of contradiction, will in every possible way resist any instructions from adults. This is especially evident in children during periods of age-related crises.

1. Don't do for your child what he can do on his own.

Give your child more freedom. Perhaps the baby himself wants to make the bed every morning, but you simply do not allow him to do this, being overly protective. Yes, a six-year-old will spend longer fiddling with the blanket and pillows, but he will do everything himself. A child who is given the opportunity to express himself and is supported in the process will not shy away from work.

1. Motivate correctly

Motivation plays a huge role in the fight against childhood laziness. The child must understand why a certain action needs to be performed and what benefits it will bring. Examples of proper motivation:

• “Collect scattered toys, then you will have more free space to play further.”
• “Do your homework now so you have the whole evening to play.”
• “Let’s get out of the way, then it won’t be a shame to invite your friends over.”

Many parents practice motivation in the form of money and expensive gifts for some achievements. Yes, this will certainly make the child study more diligently and do housework more willingly. But there is a risk that this will transform into commercialism and become another negative attitude - I will not do anything if there is no reward. At first, 10 rubles for a good grade at school will be enough for the child, but then the “tariffs” will certainly increase.

1. Criticize with reason

Excessive demands from parents and constant criticism develop self-doubt in the child. Hence the imaginary laziness, which is actually caused by the fear of defeat. The child, getting used to the fact that mom and dad are difficult to please, stops doing anything altogether.

Don’t yell or blame your child, but rather figure out why he doesn’t do his homework well enough and rarely helps you around the house. Give your child advice that will help him cope with the task. If you make comments, they must be fully justified.

What psychologists say if a child is lazy

Psychologists say that it is easier to prevent manifestations of laziness than to correct them later with difficulties. Therefore, starting from an early age, we will think about what we can offer the baby. Do not forget that at the age of three a crisis occurs when the child demands independence in everything. Isn't this a wonderful period for instilling hard work, initiative and preventing such things as childhood laziness?

Errands to get rid of laziness

To stop a child from being lazy, parents can discuss household chores with their child. Moreover, these must be real, important tasks. The child will feel responsible for completing the assignment. The task of loved ones is to monitor the implementation of the proposed duties. What can you offer in the form of errands if the child is lazy? Depending on age, psychologists recommend the following tasks:

• 3-4 years - cleaning up toys, helping mom wipe the dust, washing, brushing teeth, folding your clothes for the street;
• 5-6 years old - maintaining order in the nursery, making the bed, looking after a younger brother or sister, putting your own clothes on shelves;
• 7-9 years old – washing dishes, making tea and sandwiches, preparing textbooks and school bags (parental control remains);
• accustoms children of any age to caring for a pet. When you have an animal in your home, you need to clearly define the responsibilities of each family member. Convince the child that feeding, washing, and walking affect the animal’s well-being. For example, the following task would be effective: offer to first take a walk together, wash it, and then feed the pet yourself. Do not scold for spilled water or spilled food. After all, the child tried! Clean up with him and praise him. Next time he will be more careful.

Games that can overcome laziness

Preschool children perceive life through play; they can teach order through fun. There are many games that will tell you how to overcome your child’s laziness. For example, in home education you can use the simplest and most accessible games that do not require lengthy preparation:

• A preschool child chooses a toy that will be a cleaner (a bear, a bunny, a doll, a dog). Using the pet's paws, the baby collects scattered objects, placing them in a special container.
• Who is faster - the team of a boy and his father, girls and their mother compete to see who can put their things (toys) in the box faster.
• Quiz - the presenter gives tasks: collect five cars, put three red toys in a box, put all the little animals with round eyes on the sofa. Keep coming up with ideas until all the toys are in place. Then you must definitely encourage the baby with a sweet, a walk, or a cartoon.
• Let's show the bear how to arrange things beautifully: the toddler's favorite doesn't know how toys are stored between activities. The bear will be helped by its owner, who has collected his things correctly.
• Room for a doll - arranging the room will show the child how important it is to maintain cleanliness and order.

Accustoming to housework

• Kids love to help their parents with housekeeping. Children should not be denied their endeavors; it is more useful to encourage them. Toddlers aged 3-4 years like to hand washed clothes to their mother standing at the dryer. Hanging out laundry is a wonderful activity that promotes neatness and attentiveness. Or the kids are trying to arrange the dinner plates and spoons. Mothers often reject such help, fearing that the child will spoil or stain things. Relatives forget that things are washed, and the rejected baby will remember that mother copes alone.
• Older children are less interested in helping at home. It is undesirable to give an order expecting unquestioning execution. Stop using household chores as punishment for misconduct or bad behavior.

Advice. Give your child the right to choose, but without the opportunity to refuse to do homework. It is a mistake to suggest washing dishes or going for a walk. Offer a choice of washing dishes or dusting.

• For homework done, which is important for the whole family, you should reward your child with a trip to the cinema or a bike ride.
• Teachers and educators are involved in teaching them to work, but parents are wary of working outside the home. When children are asked to come wipe tables and put books away, mothers of primary schoolchildren are afraid that the children will be forced to wet their hands and work with a rag. Children absorb the words they hear, then use this to justify their laziness. It is better to encourage the child’s desire to engage in general labor by protecting him with an apron and gloves.

Reading as a method to overcome laziness

Everyone knows that studying is integrally connected with reading. Modern children are different from children who studied 20-30 years ago. Digital technologies have appeared. Children perceive information in fragments, like short videos on social networks. Gadgets have replaced many types of outdoor activities. The child chooses the easy way. If you need to read a long work, the student finds an abbreviated version on the Internet. But still, reading in the family should become a home tradition. From birth, the mother reads fairy tales to the child and then helps him learn to read independently. If it is difficult for a younger student to read an impressive work, it is worth helping. You can read together, take turns. This is a wonderful way of communication, showing how important parents are to their child’s education.

It is useful to organize family readings by doing a trick: ending the book at an interesting point. This will encourage the student to take up the book on his own.

Important! You need to get accustomed to quality literature wisely, gradually. You cannot force someone to read something that an adult considers useful. Obsession will push you away from literature forever. Since gadgets have taken over the world, we need to benefit from them. Many audiobooks have appeared. The student does not see the text, but listens to correct speech and perceives information by ear.

How to teach a child to work: 6 important steps

The main secret in raising a hardworking child is to gradually introduce him to routine housework. It seems that domestic help plays no role in children's development. But according to psychologists, this teaches independence, endurance and perseverance, helps to keep track of time and build a daily schedule. These are the qualities that will be useful in adult life. [3]

Already at the age of 4-5 years, a child is quite capable of carrying out some of the simplest instructions from his mother - making the bed, washing a cup, putting toys in their places, watering flowers. When teaching children to work, it is important to choose for them those tasks that they are able to cope with at a particular age. Realistically assess your baby’s capabilities so that he doesn’t develop the fear of not meeting your expectations! [3]

Psychologists give valuable advice that will help in raising a lazy child and teaching him to work:

Step 1: Trust

As early as possible, determine for the child a circle of even elementary, but personal responsibilities. Trust him to take care of flowers or a pet, for example. And in order for the child to be motivated, be sure to emphasize the importance of the tasks entrusted to him. Surely he will be extremely glad that he is helping his mother.

Of course, the curiosity that the baby felt for a mop and broom at 3 years old will probably evaporate at a more conscious age. But if, from an early age, he begins to provide all possible assistance to his parents in household chores, cleaning will not cause him any acute resentment.

Step 2: Generate Interest

“I thought that my Anya had some kind of lazy child syndrome. Getting her to do something around the house is a particularly difficult task. But I still found a great way to involve my daughter in helping in the kitchen. She used to answer with a strict “no” and whims when I asked her to do something - wash the dishes or peel potatoes. But now she happily runs into the kitchen to cook something delicious with me.

Together we watch an interesting cooking show, where chefs prepare a variety of dishes. I’m surprised, but my daughter really liked this program, and most importantly, it aroused her interest in helping me as much as she could. Now she’s bursting with ideas and calls me into the kitchen to test a new recipe from the show.”

— Natalya, mother of 9-year-old Anya

It is extremely difficult for lazy children to do anything if a particular activity is not interesting to them. Try to awaken your child's interest so that the routine does not amount to a death penalty for him. Read an interesting book with your child or watch a cartoon where the emphasis is on the character’s hard work, and laziness, on the contrary, is presented in a negative way. Watch TV shows and master classes together where participants enjoy doing something - for example, making crafts or cooking in the kitchen.

And when it comes to preschool children, you can turn a routine task into an interesting game.

Step 3: Clearly define the task

A 5-7 year old child will not realize that he needs to help his mother. Do not expect activity from him if you are used to only hinting and not clearly setting tasks. Children cannot “read between the lines.”

Be specific and make your request as clear as possible to your child.

Step 4: Explain and Show

When teaching a child to work, one cannot do without a clear example. This especially applies to naturally shy, insecure children. They are afraid to get started because they expect failure. Therefore, it is important for parents to “sort everything out” so that the baby understands what awaits him. Tell and show him how to correctly carry out what you have assigned him.

Step 5: Praise

The child probably tried hard when carrying out your instructions. Don't forget to praise him. And try to always find pleasant words for the little hard worker, this is important for him. The child, seeing the parents’ approval, will be much more willing to get down to business next time.

Proper praise is not just a “well done” thrown out on the spot. It's best to say something like: “What a good helper you are. I couldn’t have done it without you.” You can even ask if it was difficult or how he manages not to forget about his responsibilities. This way the child will understand how highly you value his contribution to family life.

If your child already has several regular responsibilities around the house, his daily routine will have to be adjusted. It is important that the child has time for everything - study, games, extracurricular activities. Let him have a daily routine in front of him that will not let him forget to water the flowers or go for a walk with the dog. This organizes and teaches you how to manage your time. [2]

Invisible sloth

A healthy child will not be lazy unless his parents force him to.

“The laziness of children is just an appearance, a fiction, and not a real phenomenon; looked at her more closely - and she disappeared.” What do you think, strict and categorical mothers and fathers, is this opinion of the famous Russian teacher Pyotr Kapterev? He believed that behind the words “laziness” and “lazy” there are absolutely specific reasons for a child’s reluctance to engage in this or that activity, moral or physical, and parents must understand and eliminate them - then the word “laziness” will become mythical, non-existent.

The phlegmatic person is not to blame

There are no naturally lazy children. Every healthy child in early childhood is quite active, all you hear from him is: “I myself,” he gets angry when he is not allowed to do something on his own. Passivity, inactivity - which parents also see as manifestations of laziness - most often indicate that the child is simply unhealthy.

Among younger schoolchildren, inability is often mistaken for laziness. The child has not yet learned how to properly organize his work: he grabs onto one thing or another, nothing works out for him, he gets tired, disappointed, gives up everything... As a result, the lessons are done somehow and over time he becomes increasingly reluctant to take them on : Why do something if it still doesn’t work out?

Sometimes pronounced manifestations of temperament are mistakenly called laziness. A phlegmatic child is inactive, slow, and sways for a long time. It is useless to urge him on and accuse him of laziness; he will still work at the pace dictated by his internal makeup. It’s not a person’s fault that he can’t work like these lively guys around him, who have everything on fire in their hands. But at the same time, choleric people who need active activity are also considered lazy, and it is difficult for them to do boring, monotonous work. Playing for them is a real thing, but collecting scattered toys in the sandbox is a mortal melancholy.

On praises by leaps and bounds

Sometimes you just want to yell, or even swing a belt at a child who is playing a computer shooter, while you expect him to make efforts to correct the failures. But will it help? It’s easy to force a person to do your will, but how can you overcome your mother’s laziness?

Yard, sandbox. Everyone is busy here. Someone loads a dump truck with sand, others make Easter cakes, collect pebbles... In childhood, play is real work. And with what zeal children strive to achieve their plans, to take, for example, the same first step! Is it possible to suspect laziness of a child who keeps trying and trying to dig a crumbling and crumbling underground passage in the sandbox? Why then isn’t the same child forced to take out the trash or solve a math problem?

…This is a catastrophe! Our five-year-old Natalia decided to help her grandmother wash the dishes! This means, like last time, there will be a puddle near the sink, wet hands up to the elbows, and it’s good if all this lasts only half an hour and the dishes remain intact...

Grandma can't stand it:

- Natasha, no need, go play, you won’t do it right anyway! Wipe up after you later!

And the child obediently goes where he was sent. Read a book, play or do homework. And I really wanted to help, to do something myself...

At three or four years old, children strive for independence - so give them the opportunity to enjoy it! Of course, at first it turns out badly - but in order to learn something, you need to start doing it! Here the baby puffs and sniffles, but at the same time he crawls around his bed, tucking it in. Praise him even for the smallest success! And let him finish the job. He finished it, washed the dishes, put the pillow in its place - appreciate his work, children grow by leaps and bounds with praise.

He will continue to do the same housework with pleasure if he increases his importance in his own eyes over and over again, receiving bonuses in the form of praise or something more significant from adults. He gets motivation to work, what could be more important than that?

Further more. Assign some household responsibilities to growing children and insist on their implementation, and the assignments should be specific, really necessary, and not invented for educational purposes. And continue to emphasize that, say, the bread was bought fresh and the dust was wiped clean. And incentives are as necessary as air! It is better for a younger child to openly say that by unloading you, he got the opportunity, for example, to stay longer at the zoo, go to the cinema, and with those who are older, you can already talk about the division of homework “honestly.”

Housework begins to develop in the child an attitude towards work as a vital necessity. And if you have repeatedly snatched the broom out of Natasha’s hands, raising clouds of dust in the apartment, don’t be surprised when, as she grows up, she can calmly walk past a sink full of dishes and will not strive to take on at least part of the household chores, as they say, "default". And only those at home?

Hormonal laziness

The presence or absence of a “motive” also explains the behavior of so-called lazy people even at school age. Let's start with the fact that a child who avoids lessons in every possible way most likely simply does not have his own motivation for his most important, one might say, only task, sincerely not understanding why he himself needs all these lessons, homework, etc. d. Then he gets so used to the constant control of adults that he concludes: “They need this, not me.” And he doesn’t seem to be lazy, he’s interested in a lot of things, but in school matters he’s a slacker.

Isn't it time for you to relax your petty minute-by-minute attention and demandingness? Otherwise, the label “lazy” will become unexpectedly attractive for the child - maybe at least they will leave him alone, because those around him are still unhappy with him, and meaningless activity “under pressure” can cause nothing but disgust and the desire to avoid overload. Maybe try to convey to the child the meaning of his work, explain that if he doesn’t know and be able to do anything, no one will need him except his parents. Look for the meaning for which he will strive to go to class. Let it be only communication with peers - and for this you may want to go to school! As soon as the child starts doing what is interesting to him, what is important to him, laziness will disappear and grades will improve.

Laziness often results in an overestimation of a person’s talents and, on the contrary, an automatically increasing self-esteem. A really smart, capable, boastful child does not want to study, because everything is already easy for him, and he considers himself the best in the class and without any extra effort on his part. In the parents’ complaints about the lazy person, one can even hear something like admiration - a storehouse of abilities, he could move mountains if he wanted, but “laziness was born ahead of him.” This comforts and relaxes you, and the person is confirmed in his rightness: he has abilities - so they will manifest themselves without any extra effort on his part. It would be better if he heard from you that laziness and talent are mutually exclusive concepts and that the first buries the second in the ground.

...It sometimes seems that teenagers are completely in this laziness - lying on the sofa, sitting in front of the monitor or wandering around the streets. At the same time, they often say that they did not have time to rest, that they need to relax, “take it easy.” But the man is young, more or less healthy, he doesn’t go to work and isn’t overloaded with household chores - but he’s playing the fool and shirking, you’re sure. And in vain. At a certain age, physiology intervenes: global changes occur in the body of a teenager associated with hormonal changes, and this really causes a constant feeling of fatigue. Instead of blaming him for idleness every hour, start “feeding” him with vitamins, go somewhere together, organize a rest for him yourself, if you already want to control your child inside and out.

By the way

Proverbs on the topic

• Looking at the forest, you will not grow, and looking at people, you will not be rich.
• Even if you don’t eat for three days, you still can’t get off the stove.
• If we don’t go to the forest, we’ll freeze to death on the floors.
• The lazy person sleeps while lying down and works.
• If you can’t reach out your hand, you won’t be able to take it off the shelf.
• The lazy spinner doesn’t even have a shirt.
• Sleeping long means living with debt.
• Instead of plowing like that, it’s better to harness it.
• I'm lazy and the sun doesn't rise at the right time.
• If only I had bread and clothes, I would eat lying down.
• Whatever we work for, we will eat.

Tips for parents

1

If your child is constantly trying to avoid household chores, schoolwork, etc., try to understand whether he can actually handle the demands you are making.

2

Do you often praise or thank someone you consider lazy for something they have done? Please don't forget to do this. It is difficult to be passionate about something that no one notices or appreciates.

3

In cases where teachers talk about your child’s sudden laziness, try to find out all the details, do not rush to scold and punish the person. Perhaps right now he needs help (psychological, medical, additional classes or, conversely, release from school, finally, just your advice or support), and laziness is a distress signal that you need to notice.

4

It is impossible to force someone to be hardworking through threats. Sooner or later, a person who is treated this way will rebel. In this case, the form of protest can be different (tears, anger, lies, illness, flight), but the essence will be a damaged relationship with the “supervisor”.

The child is lazy

When we hear the word “lazy,” our imagination pictures a well-fed boy, comfortably seated on the sofa in front of the TV or computer with a bag of chips. Always relaxed, doing everything through force, and wanting everyone to leave him alone, the child is very inventive with various cunning tricks - just not to do something.

Parents should strive to overcome laziness in their child in different ways. This is a delicate matter and requires ingenuity. A child will never be lazy to do something that he becomes interested in and becomes passionate about. Nobody wants to do boring but necessary tasks.

For example, the son does not wipe the dust off the furniture, although the request is repeated for five days in a row. He waves the rag around for show, as if he’s doing him a favor, then throws it away. Where there is no interest or incentive, laziness gains its position. For a child under ten years old, playing can be such a stimulus. For example, you can imagine that the same dust is tiny microorganisms, alien invaders. And whoever copes with them will be the winner, saving the apartment from an alien attack, and will receive a prize, for example dessert. Or another game where the daughter is Cinderella, who tries to fulfill all the orders of her evil stepmother, but the good fairy will send her to a ball (this could be a theater, a visit, to an amusement park) certainly in a beautiful outfit. You will have to come up with something all the time just to entice your child to do cleaning, exercise, and homework on uninteresting subjects. The best cure for laziness is a lifestyle that is full of the child’s favorite activities (for example, visiting exhibitions, concerts, theaters, playing sports, music, hiking, collecting). After all, if life is interesting and full of favorite things, it is easier for a child to resign himself to doing unloved but necessary things.

Collecting is one of the ways to arouse a child’s interest, and it can begin with collecting entrance tickets to the theater, circus, etc., travel tickets for different cities and countries, which can be pasted into an album and remember where you have been with your child. Further - more, for example, a child collects stamps from different countries, or postcards, coins, cups, models of cars, etc. The collection must be systematized, storage containers and locations must be selected; maintain order in the exhibition area; read and look for information related to the item being collected. The collection will develop into interest and passion.

Since it will be necessary to replenish the collection through exchange and purchase, the child will begin to make new acquaintances and try to earn money to replenish the collection. Now knowledge is available on almost any topic of interest. Perhaps this will develop an interest in the child’s future profession.

Usually lazy people are children who are easily excitable and emotional. If something doesn’t work out for them or they feel uncomfortable, they prefer not to do anything at all. Collecting gives them psychological comfort, the ability to calm down among their favorite objects, which is an important protection for residents of the metropolis.

Another case of childhood laziness is educational laziness. For example, reluctance to do homework in a certain subject, and as a result, a bad grade. Parents are indignant. But first you need to figure out the reason: the child does not understand the subject, the teacher explains it poorly, or the child has a conflict with the teacher. The parents’ task is not to blame the child, but to figure it out and help.

Parents are always an example for their children. If their favorite pastime is lying on the couch in front of the TV, or playing computer games, or chatting on the phone for hours, then soon a worthy replacement will grow up for them. Sometimes parents seem to see their own reflection in their children and wonder: where is their own perspective and talents? And they themselves begin to fight their laziness: run in the morning, work more, go to exhibitions and theaters - make life interesting. As a rule, children also follow them.

All lazy people follow one rule: don’t do today what you can do tomorrow. Why make the bed in the morning if you take it apart again in the evening? Parents can force, demand, but everything is in vain. At this moment, the child may suddenly have a “headache”, “stomach ache”, etc. Frightened parents make the bed themselves, and the children celebrate their victory. But if you approach the problem with imagination, and put, for example, a beetle in a disassembled bed, and tell the child who finds it that anything can be in the disassembled bed. The kids will of course make their beds after this. But what about teenagers? It is very difficult to get rid of old-age laziness that has become a habit. If it concerns everyday trifles, such as cleaning the room and washing the dishes, there is nothing left to do but patiently and restrainedly exhaust the child with daily requests. Laziness cannot be overcome forcefully and screaming, this will only ruin the relationship with the child.

In general, it has been noticed that lazy people grow up in prosperous urban families, where the mother does housework and the father works a lot. A soft, compliant mother cannot insist on something and does everything herself, while realizing that the child is a lazy person. But she loves him, being lazy, and worries about how he will live. The child hates doing homework, but loves to play games, read, and have fun. So everything goes on until some kind of “force majeure” occurs: the mother ends up in the hospital or the parents get divorced, etc. The child’s usual cozy world collapses, and he begins to do everything around the house, just to support his mother, to help her. There are many options. The child wakes up from a lazy hibernation. But this strong shock cannot pass without leaving a mark on the child’s psyche.

Therefore, parents need to accustom their child to order from early childhood, involve him in homework, and involve him in family problems. This is not easy, it requires a lot of effort and time. But the effort, nerves and time spent will pay off. The result is an adapted to life, hardworking person who receives satisfaction from work.