How to raise a girl: the right advice for parents

Our children grow, develop, and at a certain point, parents are faced with the question of how they should be raised, what they should pay attention to first. In our article we will discuss the issue of proper upbringing of girls. A detailed description of the features of their development at different ages will help you find useful and relevant information specifically for your case.

Many psychologists, teachers and parents distinguish two lines in the upbringing of a little lady - general and special.

How to raise a girl correctly

The issue of raising children is very difficult and worries parents no less than the issue of their health. In particular, it is extremely important to find the right approach for happy parents of princesses. In this article we will understand everything in order.

To begin with, let us clarify that many psychologists, teachers and parents distinguish two lines in the upbringing of a little lady - general and special. The general line implies that parents should not discriminate whether they are raising a boy or a girl: there are certain things and rules that are common to all, such as raising a fully developed and healthy child, curious and thinking.

Well, the second direction is that special knowledge and recommendations that should be taken into account when raising a girl as a future wife, mother and woman.

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Where to begin

For many decades and even centuries, parents have been asking the same question - when and where to start raising a child.
Our great-grandmothers and great-grandfathers, who lived in families with a large number of children, began raising them from the cradle. So what steps should you take first, at a time when the baby is not yet able to distinguish between what is good and what is bad? Until recently, most families used a rather harsh method of raising a child. It was considered impermissible to indulge the baby’s whims; by not responding to screams or crying, the parents assumed that they were preparing the little person for the upcoming difficulties of life.

For modern parents, this method is largely unacceptable. Moms and dads try to provide the baby with a pleasant environment as much as possible. Excessive gentleness and humanity can lead to the other extreme, and cause no less harm to the baby than excessive severity.

You need to start raising a little lady first of all by realizing what you dream of seeing her in the future. Familiarize yourself with popular specialized literature on this issue, as well as resort to the experience of outstanding teachers.

What to pay special attention to

Comparing girls and boys, it can be noted that the former usually have a softer, more flexible and calm character. Particular attention should be paid to the fact that girls, along with their friendliness, can be more suggestible and easily succumb to bad influence. Errors or gaps in upbringing, parents ignoring or not noticing obvious problems can lead to negative consequences.

In any case, the behavior of mom and dad should be based on three basic principles - love, patience and respect for boundaries.

Secrets of education

Girls are characterized by high emotional sensitivity, this is natural and normal. The main task of parents is to help the child correctly experience the surging emotions, without judging or screaming.

We offer several basic recommendations and secrets for raising a girl:

Teach your daughter to name her emotions.
Accept the child’s right to feel any emotion, even if it is not pleasant to you, do not judge.
Sometimes leave your daughter alone, give her time to experience emotions on her own. As a rule, leaving the child alone helps her calm down faster and return to normal.
Allow the girl more often to do as she wants, naturally within the permitted limits.
Also name your feelings, since children do not always understand adults' emotions.
Constantly tell your child how much you love him. There are never too many of these words.

The main secret and key to every child, first of all, of course, is understanding, love and respect for his feelings.

The main thing is family happiness. The rest will follow

Many adults, who have seen from their own experience what it is like for children whose mother is “burning” at work, believe that girls should be oriented, first of all, towards creating a strong family. And the rest will follow. This will probably seem strange to some. “Nothing is applied to anything,” he will say. — If you put family at the forefront, you need to forget about work. Either family or career. It doesn’t happen that a person directs his efforts to one thing, and another happens by itself.” But, oddly enough, in this matter this iron logic often fails. Although, if you think about it, what’s so strange here? Women with unfortunate fates often have distorted character. Fact? Fact. Many become embittered, touchy, irritable, ambitious, and vindictively petty. This, naturally, does not have the best effect on their relationships with colleagues, and therefore on their careers. A conflicted person makes enemies, colleagues strive to get rid of him...

What if, say, a woman constantly has scandals in her family? What if the children got out of hand? No matter how much the mother drives away painful, anxious thoughts, they will not go away and will still prevent her from concentrating on work. Yes, sometimes we plunge into work headlong, trying to forget ourselves. But then work becomes a kind of drug. And any drug addiction does not lead to good.

How often these days women dream of a career, deep down they are annoyed that they have to spend time raising a newborn child! But if something happens to him, it turns out that nothing is nice. If only the child was alive and well. One day I heard my mother’s story: “I spent all of Valino’s childhood on business trips. I liked the profession of a geologist so much! I dreamed of becoming a doctor of science; I was predicted to have a brilliant future. The son stayed with my parents. He was bored, cried, asked: “Mom, don’t leave!” Then he grew up and seemed to get used to it. And then, at the age of thirteen, he suddenly became a stranger, became withdrawn, and began to conflict with the guys and teachers. I became worried, tried to be at home more, even left work to take care of the child. But it was too late. Now he’s gone (the boy committed suicide - author), and I understand that I don’t need a dissertation, or heading a department, or traveling abroad.”

How many mothers recognize themselves in this sad confession of a stranger who came up to me one day after my performance in some club or library?! Of course, not all stories end so tragically, but their general meaning remains unchanged: by building a career at the expense of raising children, a woman ultimately loses in both fields.

How to raise a girl from birth to 3 years old

Parents are greatly mistaken if they believe that until the age of 3 there is no need to raise a girl and develop various qualities of the child. Of course, freedom is necessary, but within reason. It is important to understand that it is at this age that the basics of the world around us are learned; this experience should be as positive as possible.

The main task of parents is to help the child correctly experience the surging emotions, without judging or shouting.

What to pay attention to

Until the age of three, a girl should grow up in a caring, loving and affectionate atmosphere. What to pay attention to and how to raise a girl from birth? Help your child acquire basic practical skills in everyday life and unobtrusively correct behavior.

Taking the first steps, speaking, behaving correctly at the table and washing and dressing independently - all these simple procedures a child should independently master by the age of 3, while feeling the support of his parents.

Raising a girl from 3 to 5 years old

After passing the three-year mark, the girl’s behavior begins to change dramatically, becoming more interesting and unpredictable. At this age, they are already successfully learning how to manipulate adults to achieve their little goals.

Great trust and mutual understanding should be the basis of your family

The following dogmas will help young parents find the answer to the question of how to properly raise a girl:

Teach your baby to take care of her appearance, not only compliments, but also instilling taste should begin from an early age.
You are guaranteed not to spoil the child with love and tenderness.
Teach your daughter to take responsibility for her actions.
Raise a housewife and assistant in household chores, organize the process so that the child is interested in helping you.

Remember: trust and mutual understanding should be the basis of your family.

Peculiarities

If you begin to notice that communication with your child is becoming too firm and your daughter is showing protest, then remember yourself at her age. This way you may better understand your child's wants and needs. Don’t forget that you are raising a future successful woman, and the foundations of her behavior are being laid right now.

Subtleties of raising a junior schoolgirl

Girls of primary school age especially need encouragement and approval from their parents. The question of how to raise a 9-year-old girl is not so difficult, because it is at this age that girls are as friendly as possible and tend to show particular patience and accuracy.

Each family has its own personal secrets of successful parenting.

We recommend paying special attention to the following points:

Support your daughter in her endeavors, do not skimp on praise.
Gently monitor and be interested in your school friends.
Support and show interest in the first romantic experience, this will strengthen your child's trust in you.
It is imperative to ensure that the girl is involved in sports and not to forget about her healthy development.

At this age, parents can strengthen their friendships and trust as much as possible, and lay the foundation for the upcoming difficult transitional age.

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Peculiarities

Each child is special and unique; for each age, of course, there are general recommendations, but parents should be as sensitive as possible to their child. Following general rules is useful, but it is equally important to take a special approach. Each family has its own personal secrets of successful upbringing; don’t be afraid to create your own unique atmosphere.

Education of femininity

In my opinion, the main problem in raising today's girls is the education of femininity. It seems like nonsense. Why educate what is inherent in nature itself? However, a paradoxical thing happened: in the struggle for equality, women won, but as a result they switched to playing on someone else’s field, and lost their positions, losing the feminine softness, purity and naive grace that so touches strong men.

Modern style is assertive, aggressive, daring. Teenage girls try to keep up with the boys: they swear, practice karate and wushu, smoke, drink, “change partners,” and increasingly join gangs. For many, it seems unprestigious to be feminine - it is perceived as a sign of weakness. He-Man's girlfriends are held in high esteem, capable of knocking down an opponent on both shoulder blades. True, it is difficult to imagine them as tender, caring mothers, but they don’t need this, they are “not in this line.”

And look at the toys. Have girls ever been asked to play bodybuilders, armed with all sorts of weapons? To be fair, I note that charming dolls with porcelain faces are also, of course, on the shelves. But, firstly, not everyone can afford them, and secondly, this is yesterday, retro style.

I'm not talking about books. Actually, even twenty years ago we had little specifically girlish literature (here it is, “genderless pedagogy”!): Aseeva’s read-to-the-hole “Dinka”, some stories by Lev Kassil, short stories by Alexander Green, very popular in the 1970s and 80s . “Girls, a book for you”... Nowadays there are even fewer books for girls. Not all of the old ones have been reprinted, but the new ones are mainly detective stories and adventures for boys and about boys. Even “Alice” by Kir Bulychev, according to my observations, boys like to read more! (Well, yes, these are fantastic adventures!) We rightly criticize Latin American television series, but we do not offer girls high-quality examples of romantic film history. The same can be said about the pulp books now popular among teenage girls, urgently translated from English or hastily concocted by domestic authors.

Not only do they spoil the literary taste, which is already underdeveloped in modern children. Besides this - and this is the main danger! — by devouring such literary concoction, girls become imbued with knowledge that is completely unnecessary at their age, learn the “art of seduction,” and acquire views and psychological attitudes that, as a rule, do not lead to good. These books often combine sex and romance. Taking advantage of the fact that teenage girls, like a hundred years ago, dream of love, the authors make a clever substitution: instead of platonic, sublime love, they aim young readers at something completely different - at what is expressed with extreme frankness in teenage magazines in headlines like : “Are you really still a virgin at thirteen?” In books this may be retouched, but the essence remains the same.

Most modern pulp literature for teenage girls inflames sensuality, instills the idea of the permissibility and even desirability of bed relationships in adolescence and presents as a standard the image of an assertive, self-confident, impatient heroine who does not hesitate to impose herself on guys (she calls it “getting her way” ), often behaves like a complete prostitute, puts her own pleasure above all else, and therefore, naturally, violates “outdated” moral norms, considering them stupid, dense prejudices. One of the main qualities of such a girl is rampant self-will, called the “thirst for freedom.” Her parents, of course, “don’t understand” her, “get in the way”, “pressure”. Moreover, everything is described in such a way as to arouse girls’ sympathy for the heroine and admiration for her. She is depicted as smart, brave, independent, successful. At the end of the book, luck usually awaits her. And seduced teenage girls begin to imitate their favorite characters, without thinking that they are falling into a trap. Playing on someone else's field is a dangerous activity. By abandoning natural feminine qualities: modesty, gentleness, caring, the ability to endure and be compassionate, girls, without knowing it, cut off their own nature and instill in themselves the properties of another. No, not male. It's still impossible. No matter how many stripes an antelope paints on its back, it will not turn into a tiger. But he can become a laughing stock in the animal kingdom.

So it is with “advanced” teenage girls. At first, it seems to them that they have gained freedom and independence, that the whole world lies at their feet, everyone is ready to look after them, everyone is crazy about them. But very quickly it turns out that the guys look at them as a thing, an object of consumption. And a thing, especially in a society based on consumer psychology, is valued only while it is new. I used it and threw it away. Why save it when you can get another one for pennies, or even for nothing?

As soon as the girlish freshness wears off (and now, with the spread of pedophilia, this happens very quickly: for example, for Lolita fans, an 18-19 year old girl is already an “old woman”), the “object” becomes uninteresting. And this is logical. Why should it be any different? In a consumer society, things are interchangeable. And the feelings, experiences... It’s even funny. How does the thing feel?

Therefore, I would advise parents who are seriously thinking about the future of their daughters to pay special attention to the romantic upbringing of girls. Do not be afraid that it will come into conflict with life, which, of course, is harsher than in the novels of S. Bronte. (Although not completely cynical, as the “yellow” pages of the media try to convince us). Romanticism strengthens the soul in an amazing way. Moreover, it corresponds to feminine nature itself. Do not limit yourself to literature - naturally, its classic, high-quality examples. Tell girls about your relatives and friends whom you consider worthy role models. Remember our and foreign history. There are many examples of female kindness, purity, selflessness, and mercy in it. More often put the girl in a situation where she needs to take care of someone. And, of course, celebrate this as a great advantage! Recognition of merit is a huge incentive for a child, but many parents, unfortunately, still neglect it. Do not encourage teenage girls to become interested in cosmetics. Nowadays, some mothers, having heard enough advice about how important it is to teach girls to wear makeup and take care of their skin from childhood (they say this is what cultivating femininity is all about), buy their 10-12-year-old daughters “children’s” lipstick or “children’s” eye shadow. Why this is persistently promoted by cosmetics manufacturing companies is understandable: for them, the more buyers, the better. But why parents fall for these cheap tricks is not easy to understand. Indeed, in the perception of girls, the use of cosmetics is a very important step on the path to adulthood. And by encouraging such steps, mothers unwittingly push their daughters towards everything else that is associated with modern teenage concepts of adulthood. At the age of five, a girl will ask to paint her nails “like her mother’s” and go play “mother-daughter.” And at twelve, girls wearing makeup go to completely different places and play other, not so innocent games.

How to raise a teenage girl

A book may not be enough to cover this point in the article. We offer parents general recommendations on how to raise a teenage girl:

Effective prevention of the appearance of complexes is the correct approach to caring for your appearance.
Organization of interesting and productive leisure time.
Authority and friendship with parents.
Teach your daughter to adequately evaluate herself without underestimating her self-esteem and to rejoice in her uniqueness.

Find your child's strength, talent, or distinct ability.

Try to guide your child in the right direction without moralizing, while maintaining parental authority.

Raising troubled teenage girls

Having touched on such a burning topic for many families as raising difficult teenage girls, we offer a number of tips that can significantly facilitate this process for parents:

Do not abuse prohibitions and punishments.
Motivate and enhance the cognitive process.
Talk and pay more attention to your child.
Introduce changes to your daughter’s routine in a comprehensive manner, taking into account the child’s wishes.
Listen to the signals that your daughter unconsciously gives, notice the slightest changes in behavior.
Find your child's strength, talent or distinct ability. Encouraging her in this direction will instill confidence in herself.

There is a lot of important and useful information on the topic of raising a 13-year-old girl; parents need to select the recommendations that are most suitable for their individual case and follow them. You can also contact a specialist who specializes in this issue and can effectively help.

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Sex education for teenage girls

The first thing you should pay attention to is creating a harmonious and loving atmosphere in the family. Sex education for teenage girls should be aimed not only at explaining physical processes, but also at developing the girl’s character.

The formation in a young girl of high moral principles in sexual matters is the key to her happy and, very importantly, healthy future - this is the main task and responsibility of parents.

Raising a 14-year-old teenage girl must necessarily address the issue of early sexual activity and an adequate explanation of why it is harmful and dangerous. Everyone knows that sexual development in girls begins earlier than in boys. Parents should carefully prepare for the upcoming conversation and provide their child with psychological support.

A little about the disadvantages of “genderless pedagogy”

Changing traditional roles and behavior patterns is always fraught with negative consequences.
Although sometimes this is not immediately obvious. In recent years, not only here, but also in other countries, voices have increasingly been heard in defense of separate education for boys and girls. An experiment was recently carried out in one English county, and it turned out that academic performance in single-sex schools is higher than in those where boys and girls study together. Strange? Not at all! The fact is that physiologically and psychologically boys are several years behind girls. Therefore, when they study together, the boys develop a “failure” complex. In primary and secondary school, they are shorter than girls, and often physically weaker, and less neat. Their notebooks are dirty, their handwriting is worse, and so are their grades... All this, as you understand, does not stimulate the desire to learn in most boys... When boys are not put in a deliberately losing position, they feel calm and show much better results. On the other hand, girls, who usually begin to be interested in gender issues earlier than boys, are not distracted during separate teaching in lessons, do not make eyes, do not pass notes... I recently visited a Moscow kindergarten, where they are also trying to raise boys and girls separately. They have classes and walks together, but the rest of their kindergarten life: eating, sleeping, playing - goes on separately. I visited there and thought: “This is necessary! How much have we heard in recent years about the fallacy of “genderless pedagogy” (one that does not take into account gender differences) and about the need for sex education for children. But here it is, right next to us! Normal, without obscenity, without declassifying topics that are traditionally considered unchildish in our country, without cynical peeping through the keyhole...” With children in this kindergarten they do not discuss the topic “where did I come from,” but simply present them with examples of standard masculine and feminine every day behavior. Boys are taught to be courageous, resilient, and gallant towards little young ladies.

Let's talk about girls in more detail. When you find yourself in their half, you remember E. Zola’s novel “Ladies’ Happiness”. What's not there! Living room with miniature upholstered furniture and an artfully painted fireplace. Mini-cafe with umbrellas and bowls for ice cream made from snow-white cotton wool. Festive table with many dishes made from dough and painted. Dolls with strollers and lots of outfits. A real women's kingdom, in which every girl is a little princess. She behaves accordingly. Such a casually upright posture only occurs among ballerinas: their plasticity is striking in femininity, and their figure is striking in grace.

At first, many girls, when they first came to kindergarten, resembled boys in their behavior. Especially those who had older brothers. And the other kids’ manners were not distinguished by grace, because in the garden there are many children from dysfunctional families, where rudeness and aggressiveness are the norm. But it soon became noticeable how the girls here began to change quickly. And without much pressure from adults. It’s just that in this cozy and very noble environment it was unnatural to behave boorishly. And children are sensitive to falsehood.

Coming to visit the girls' quarters, the boys are clearly petrified by the abundance of "trinkets" and are relieved to return to their quarters, to the usual male surroundings - sabers, fireman's helmets, and toy soldiers. But at the same time, they are not tempted to destroy the girls' paradise. Although, in general, don’t feed the boys bread - just let them break the girls’ game in order to demonstrate their superiority over crybabies and sneaks. This is their way to establish themselves, to show who is “the best.” And while the kindergarten was ordinary, the tomboys, naturally, did not miss the opportunity to harm the girls. Now, when there is nothing to share, they not only do not offend the girls, but are also happy to let them go ahead, give up the best places, etc.