How to wean a child off your hands: 4 reasons for weaning, weaning from birth to 1 year

What do mother's hands mean to a child?

During nine months of being in the mother’s womb, the baby gets used to the tightness of the uterus, the beating of a woman’s heart, uniform rocking, a certain body temperature, and smell.
Such conditions provide comfort and safety. But one day everything changes. A newborn finds himself in a completely unfamiliar and incomprehensible world to which he needs to adapt. And this must be done with the help of maternal love and tenderness.

Experts call the first 3 months the “fourth trimester.” Such a comparison is quite appropriate, since the child, although no longer connected to the mother by the umbilical cord, is completely dependent on her physically and emotionally.

The proximity of the mother's body calms the baby and gives him a feeling of reliability. It is mother’s hugs and her care that lead to the emergence of the so-called basic trust in the world around us, which then transforms into openness to everything new and a desire to explore space.

In addition, being in the mother's arms has a beneficial effect on the physical development of the child.

carrying in the arms, breastfeeding provides close bodily contact, which allows you to actively stimulate the development of the cerebral cortex;
Also, mother’s touch helps stimulate blood circulation, improve the endocrine and nervous systems, and develop immunity;
if you carry a child in your arms correctly, you can contribute to the optimal formation of the musculoskeletal system, spinal column and hip joints in children;
the baby, being held in his arms, takes part in the mother’s activities, carefully observes her manipulations, which allows him to receive a large amount of information and develop intellectually.

Most often, at the age of six months, when the child begins to crawl, begins to actively explore the world around him, gradually becomes more independent, and the time spent in the mother’s embrace is significantly reduced.

The child asks to be held: reasons

It is believed that up to 2 months the baby does not know how to manipulate his mother, but calls her because he really needs her. The reason may be poor health, colic, he is hot or cold, or perhaps he is wet. By 3 months, the baby already understands that mommy runs to any sound he makes and immediately picks him up. He begins to like it and actively continues to use it. Experts recommend starting to wean children from holding hands at this age, otherwise it will be very difficult for mom and dad.

But other experts also recommend holding children in your arms more often. In their opinion, this way kids feel more confident and have a positive attitude towards the world around them.

How to achieve the golden mean, give confidence, warmth and care to your child without spoiling him with parental hands.

Reasons why a baby may ask to be held

He is worried about pain
. For example, it can often be pain in the tummy - colic. Or, by a certain age, the child may be teething. The baby will hardly be able to cope with such sensations without mother’s warmth and help. Any cold, especially one accompanied by a high temperature, will force your baby to call his parents for help.
He's bored
. After a certain age, a child no longer sleeps as often as before. More and more he wants to explore the world and look at everything around him, study interesting details of the world around him. And without parental hands he cannot achieve this.
Fear of loss
. In the literal sense of the word, children, especially those under one year old, perceive themselves and their mother as one whole. Therefore, even if the mother goes into another room, the child begins to be visited by the fear of loss.
Uncomfortable sensations
. The baby's clothes may be in the way, for example, if they are too small for him. The room may be hot, cold, or smelly.
Psychological condition
. It has been proven that children have a great sense of the family environment. And if it is not positive, parents often quarrel, scream, or even worse, then the child’s anxiety cannot be avoided.
The child wants to eat or drink
. Perhaps it's time to feed him.
Can't fall asleep on his own
. If the mother has taught the baby to rock before bed, then he will not be able to cope without her.

How is excessive attachment formed?

So, frequent exposure to mother's arms contributes to the better development of the baby, the formation of a sense of security and self-confidence. However, at the same time, a habit of mother’s hands may arise if certain conditions are not met:

Some parents strive to satisfy every need of their newborn, responding to literally every squeak. If you constantly hold your baby in your arms when he is awake, you can inadvertently form a painful dependence.
Up to four months of age, children often suffer from intestinal colic, accompanied by pain. One way to alleviate the condition is to carry it in your arms and apply it to the mother’s tummy. Such help often develops into the habit of being in mother’s arms.
A habit can also develop during a child’s painful condition. If he has a fever, coughs, or feels unwell due to teething, then the solution is motion sickness in his mother’s arms.

The tame child is gradually growing up, the difficulties of the first months of life go away, but the dependence on motion sickness and mother’s hugs remains and only gets stronger. The baby is accustomed to this state of affairs and does not at all want to give up being in his mother’s arms. What to do in this case?

Why is he asking?

With the help of crying, the baby communicates with you, showing that he is uncomfortable or in pain. The first reaction of any mother in response to whims is to take the baby in her arms, calm her down, and then find out what caused the baby to cry. Over time, parents begin to accurately determine its root cause by the tone of crying.

While you have not yet learned to “communicate” with the baby, you will have to find out every time the reason for the baby’s crying and eliminate it, without resorting to reassurance by carrying it in your arms.

A newborn most often cries from hunger. If the baby is breastfeeding, then the baby who starts crying immediately after waking up should be fed immediately. If it’s close to mealtime, bottle-fed babies should also be offered a bottle of formula.
A baby's crying may be caused by discomfort. A well-fed child will be capricious if he is cold, wet, hot or stuffy.
The baby may cry due to psychological reasons: for example, the baby is overexcited or tired, and because of this he cannot sleep. Children are capricious because, on the contrary, they lack impressions and physical activity during periods of wakefulness. Also, a baby may cry because he is lonely and misses his mother next to him.
The child may cry, showing you that he is feeling bad. He may be teething or have a headache due to a cold, and children often suffer from colic in the first 3-4 months.

The newborn quickly realizes that the mother comes and cuddles him in response to crying, and in the future begins to use this effective tool at the slightest opportunity. Gradually, you will notice that the child begins to cry for no reason and instantly calms down, as soon as you take the baby in your arms.

Significant reasons for weaning

Before thinking about the question of how to wean an infant from holding hands, you should understand whether it is even worth doing this at this particular age. As we have already said, you should wait for a certain period when the baby is ready to wean.

However, there are situations when refusal of physical contact is due to a number of completely objective factors:

The new mother is too tired from household chores. In such a situation, you should talk to your spouse or grandparents, who can take over some of the responsibilities. If this cannot be implemented in practice, then the presence of the baby in your arms should be limited. He needs a rested mother.
Another significant reason is the mother’s forced return to work before the end of her maternity leave. In this case, the mother must be replaced by grandmothers and nannies. And parents will compensate their love for the baby in their free time.
Some mothers worry too much about their children, preferring to hold them in their arms rather than let them on the floor or in the sandbox. In such a situation, you should start working not with the child, but with the mother, since her anxiety is transmitted to the baby.
A child who is already able to crawl or, moreover, walk, must independently explore the world, of course, under parental supervision. Therefore, you should let the grown-up baby off your hands and send him off to “conquer” the surrounding space.

Some mothers are sure that even a newborn baby should not be held. This is not an entirely correct position, since the baby that is born needs physical contact with its mother. Everything should be in moderation, so don’t forget to kiss, stroke and lift the baby into your arms.

Features of the weaning process

In order not to think about how to wean a one-year-old child from your hands, it is necessary to properly establish contact with him from the first days of life. Mom and dad must choose the right model of behavior, which will not lead to the fact that in the future the baby will have to be constantly carried in their arms.

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At the first stage, it is necessary to answer the question of how to wean a child from falling asleep in your arms. Komarovsky jokingly advises parents to drink a little sedative themselves. Only in this case will they be able to pull themselves together and not run at the first request of the baby.

. It is necessary to gradually wean him off the fact that mommy will appear at his first call. In this case, it will be possible to minimize the occurrence of vagaries in the future.

Parents must be fully prepared for the child's disturbances. They will be especially strong at the first stage. The baby can cry so bitterly that mommy completely believes in the need to take him in her arms immediately.

Important!

You should not teach your child that he can easily achieve what he wants through regular hysterics. Parents must convey to him that this method of manipulation does not work. Otherwise, weaning will take months or even years.

At 4 months, it is recommended to distract the child.
He should first be fed and changed. Next, the baby is placed in a crib. It is at this stage that he begins to be very capricious and cry. Parents should not react even to very persistent demands

to your address.

You can give a new bright toy that should interest and distract.

It is best to place the new item nearby or hang it above the playpen. In this case, the chance that the baby will stop crying increases. Mommy must be patient and gradually increase the duration of the pauses.

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Here are tips to help parents understand how to wean their newborn off:

The child must understand that there is a time during which he must do something on his own. It is best to leave the room altogether during this period, and not be in his field of vision.
Advising on how to wean a child from falling asleep in your arms, Komarovsky recommends limiting the period of his stay with an adult
. Even during screaming attacks, you cannot follow the lead. You should take a break and do household chores. It is sometimes allowed to be in the same room. However, it is necessary to gradually increase the distance and period.
Parents must understand that a child’s crying does not threaten him in any way. That is why paying attention to the whims of this nature after three months is strictly prohibited. Mommy should try to pull herself together and understand that at 6 months it is already considered abnormal if the baby constantly sits in her arms. That is why it is important to start the weaning process in a timely manner.
Your baby needs sleep as much as he needs food. Even continuous crying and hysteria will end at some point
. That is why you cannot fall for tricks. In this case, weaning is postponed for a long time. In older age, this can lead to serious psychological disorders.

Immediately after birth, all parents strive to devote all their time to the child.
They constantly hold the baby in their arms and only sometimes pass it to each other. However, they should understand that constant rocking is considered abnormal. The baby should not know that in order to calm down, parents must certainly take him in their arms.

He learns to live separately from his mother, although the connection between them will remain for a long period of time.

Pediatricians recommend putting the baby to sleep only in a separate crib. Even before this, it is not allowed to rock and soothe

. It is best to create such conditions that when you go to bed, mom is not in the room at all.

Important!

Parents must understand that sooner or later they will have to let go of the child. Timely weaning minimizes the risk of psychological trauma in the child. If the baby is already an adult, the process can become protracted and difficult.

It doesn’t matter at what age the decision to wean was made. Parents' actions must be coordinated and decisive. Only in this case will it be possible to achieve the required result in a short time. It is necessary to stock up on a positive attitude and not be fooled by the child’s provocations. At first, he is guaranteed to cry a lot and get angry.

Dr. Komarovsky recommends starting the weaning process at three months. This period is considered the most favorable. The process will cause minimal harm to the psychological state of the baby.

How to wean your child off your hands?

To wean infants and older children from parental hands, it is necessary to take into account the child’s age. Following the recommendations and advice of specialists will allow the mother to rest or do homework.

From 0 to 3 months

The question of how to wean a newborn from holding hands is incorrect, since, as already noted, during this period he is connected with his mother physically and emotionally. It is only important not to turn a natural need into a habit.

at 1 month, a baby fed and dressed in a dry diaper is able to spend some time without his mother, for example, listening to calm music. If the baby starts to cry, you don’t need to immediately grab him in your arms. Sometimes shaking a rattle is enough to calm him down;
At 2 months, the time for active exploration of the world increases compared to the age of 1 month, so it is not at all necessary to constantly hold the baby in your arms. You can simply lay your child next to you on the bed, stroke his back and stomach, and give him a massage. That is, it is important to continue to maintain tactile interaction;
at 3 months, the main recommendations remain the same: tactile interaction and regular massage. At this age, the child already begins to actively play with rattles and monitor the rotation of the mobile. These toys will distract your baby when he is upset or overly excited.

Experts advise observing moderation when carrying on your hands. You need to lift the baby when he himself “asks” for it. However, you should not wait until the moment when a child’s appeal develops into a hysterical attack. A timely parental reaction will ensure the correct development of the child and the formation of trust in the world.

4 to 6 months

It is, of course, important for a 4-month-old child to be close to his mother, but the constant desire to be held in his arms gradually disappears. In addition, now he can follow his mother with his eyes, which is sometimes enough to feel safe.

A 4-month-old baby loves to play, so you can distract his attention with simple entertainment:

If a child lying in bed cries and demands to be picked up, the mother can calm the baby down with the help of the game “Peek-a-boo.” The parent hides behind the crib, then appears and cheerfully says “Ku-ku.” Usually the baby instantly gets involved in the fun and starts smiling;
At 4 months, the baby's favorite toys are rattles and mobiles. Noisy devices perfectly develop motor skills and coordination of movements, and the mobile helps improve visual perception. In addition, they perfectly distract the baby from the desire to be in his mother’s arms.

Even at 4 months, it is important for a child to understand that his mother is nearby and he is completely safe. Therefore, it is not necessary to take the baby in your arms, but you need to stroke him, kiss him and talk to him constantly.

At 6 months

At the age of six months, the child is no longer tormented by colic, which was so annoying at 3 and 4 months. However, now the baby is worried about teething. The baby may cry due to pain, but usually mothers already understand when tears are caused by an objective reason, and when a child’s roar is just manipulation. In the latter case, practical advice from experts will help:

In order not to carry a heavy bottle in your arms, it’s better for mom to lie down next to her and sing a song. This will allow the baby to feel the presence of any person;
purchase a special educational mat that will captivate a child who loves to play for a long time. Various rattles, pendants, cubes, mirrors - all this attracts little researchers;
Six-month-old babies can already sit and crawl. You can try crawling together, after covering the floor with a soft blanket.

Under no circumstances should you leave your child alone on a bed, sofa or on a play mat. A baby exploring the world can crawl anywhere. You can ensure your baby's safety by placing him in a playpen.

At 7 - 8 months

Many experts recommend weaning the baby from holding hands during this period if he still constantly uses his mother as a rocking chair and carrier. However, it is necessary to act consistently and extremely carefully so as not to injure the baby.

Take it with you when preparing lunch. Naturally, the child needs to be protected from the many dangers that await him in the kitchen. For example, you can put your baby in a high chair or in a playpen filled with toys. During the cooking process, they talk with the little “companion”, talking about cooking.

From 1 year

The first anniversary usually marks the child's relative independence. And most often it is possible to wean him off his hands much earlier, but sometimes it happens that the baby continues to ask to be held, and the mother is forced to constantly rock the well-fed baby.

To wean a child from the habit, you need to distract him with the help of various gaming devices: a children's piano, a typewriter, a tolokar, cubes and other toys. The most important thing is to remember that a baby even at two years old is not able to play alone for a long time, so you need to be close to him during the game.

Useful psychological techniques will help you cope with the habit:

try to distract your child with a bright toy every time he starts reaching out to you;
there is no need to lift the baby at first request. It’s better to sit down next to you, hug, talk, pat you on the head - that is, realize the need for physical contact;
try to involve other household members in the educational process. But it is important to explain to them that they should not lift the child every time he cries;
If a child falls or bumps, you need to sympathize with him, taking him not in your arms, but on your knees. Mom's hugs are sometimes the best medicine.

The second year of life is the time when babies try to manipulate adults to get their way. Therefore, it is important to distinguish when a child really needs your help and support, and when the problem can be solved with “little loss.”

How much do you need it

Think about why it is so important for you to wean your child off your hands. If there is no need to return to work, then what is the reason: time for yourself, or the fear that the child will move from your arms to your neck, will be a weakling?..

If the reason is fatigue, sit down and discuss the situation with your husband. Contact your mom, your friends. Ask for help. Distribute responsibilities. Alas, for now you will have to live in the discomfort zone, but it will pass. Just like the miracle of your own child growing up. Remember: you are on leave for the daily and difficult care of a growing child - not for an apartment.

On this topic.
We strongly recommend that you read: How a young mother can cope with her child and household chores - tips and recommendations.
And additional tips for young mothers - how not to go crazy after childbirth