Raising a son - how a father should participate in raising a child

Why does a family need a dad?

“Mom” is the first word, the main word..... And what is the word “dad”?

In most modern families, the main function of the father is to earn money and provide the family with all the necessary material goods. And after a hard day, he definitely needs to rest and recuperate in front of the TV or computer.

As a result, raising a child fades into the background, and is often completely left behind.

Dad is perceived only as a punitive authority, to whom, in case of mischief or disobedience, mom turns: “When dad comes home from work, he’ll give you a hard time!”

The result of such family relationships is a lack of trust between dad and child, conflicts and misunderstandings that can last for the rest of their lives.

Can this be avoided? Can.

The main thing is to understand that without a father’s love and attention, as well as without a mother’s, it will be very difficult for a child in his future adult life.

The influence of the father on the development of the child

What can a father give to his son or daughter from the first days of life?

Feeling of confidence and security

First of all, a father is an example of behavior for a child, a source of confidence and strength. The baby feels safe next to his dad.

Sustainable self-esteem

The love and attention of not only the mother, but also the father become the key to the child’s further success in the future. He has the support of his closest people behind him, which means he can cope with any difficulties.

Gender identification, correct distribution of gender roles

From childhood, the child sees how roles are distributed in the family and learns the model of family relationships.

Development of attention and thinking

Who, if not the father, will teach his offspring how to assemble puzzles, ride a bike and build beautiful castles out of Lego?

Adequate behavior in society, adherence to social norms and rules

As a rule, fathers are stricter with their children than mothers and are more consistent in their actions. A father can help instill in his child respect for elders and care for loved ones, as well as more systematically introduce him to the rules of behavior accepted in society.

Maintaining balance in family relationships

It is easier for a child to survive the crisis of separation from his mother if there is a father in the family who is ready to become the child’s guide to the adult world.

Full physical development

Games of football, hockey, slides - of course, only with dad! And motor skills will develop, and endurance will appear, and immunity will strengthen.

As we can see, the importance of a father in a child’s life is difficult to overestimate. With a loving and attentive father, it will be much easier and more interesting for a child to grow and develop.

Psychology of paternal education

Father's influence in the process of a boy's development has a positive effect not only on the formation of his son's personal qualities, but also on a number of medical and social indicators. The correct format of upbringing and the correct model of communication between father and child is a fundamental factor, according to scientists, in the following areas:

• Paternal attention contributes to the accelerated development of connections between the left and right hemispheres of the brain . In the process of spending useful time in the company of their beloved dad, boys develop a technical mindset. It is not surprising that in families where the father works a lot with his offspring, great mathematicians and physicists grow up.
• If the father is involved in raising the child, then the son exhibits mental abilities earlier and develops speech skills.
• The formed worldview of a boy who grew up without a father is prone to crime. Such children are especially predisposed to using alcohol, tobacco products and drugs. For such a child, there are no authorities, so he abandons his studies mainly during his school years, indulging in the romance of the streets.
• Sons with whom their fathers regularly explored the world are less likely to experience mental disorders and deviations.

It is important to note that in the process of education, psychologists recommend minimizing the number of conversations in a raised voice. Not hitting children and avoiding physical punishment is another unspoken rule for a parent who wants to raise his son to be a decent man. If the father raises his hand to the child, then as a result the child’s subconscious will imprint a similar model of communication as a standard option. In most cases, adult offspring project this format of upbringing onto their own children, taking out anger and resentment.

The role of the father in raising children

In order for a child to grow up as a full-fledged member of society, as well as a healthy and harmonious personality, he simply needs paternal upbringing.

But as practice shows, you cannot raise a boy and a girl the same way. And first of all, to dad.

Raising a daughter

For girls, dad is the first man she encounters in her life. And her future female destiny depends on the correct paternal behavior.

1. Excessive pampering and indulgence in whims, as well as excessive severity, will only harm the growing daughter. It is important for dads to find a balance between gentleness and severity.
2. No less important is the relationship between dad and mom. If dad shows care and attention to his wife, the girl will perceive this as a healthy, harmonious relationship between a man and a woman. And will strive for them in the future
3. Girls need constant contact with their father: joint walks, games, activities. The daughter should know that her dad cares about her life and her opinion is always important.
4. For daughters, daddy's praise and approval are of great importance. For her success in studies, for her beautiful drawing, for the fact that she looks simply wonderful today. This develops their confidence in their feminine essence and nature.
5. It is important that the daughter is not afraid of her father and trusts him. Fear of a parent subsequently gives rise to fear of a teacher, boss and husband.

Protect your fragile daughter when she is not next to you! Always know what route and where your child is going, what is happening around him, and instantly call if necessary with the “Where are my children” application.

Raising a son

For a boy, a father is an example of masculine behavior, a role model. Looking at him, the son learns such qualities as courage, determination, justice, respect and love for loved ones.

1. A boy must be taught from childhood to do household chores and take care of his mother, sister or grandmother. He must understand that a real man will wash the dishes, hammer a nail, and fight back against bullies.
2. Boys, like girls, need to spend time with dad as often as possible. And preferably not while playing computer games, but in the fresh air.
3. It is the father who must teach his son to take responsibility for his own actions.
4. It is a mistake to believe that if a father shows warmth and affection towards his son, he will grow up timid and weak-willed. Boys, like girls, also need care and attention.
5. A future young man's relationship with women is always shaped by the example of his parents. If a father insults and humiliates his mother, the son will consider himself entitled to do the same.
6. A boy needs recognition of his masculine qualities from his father. The more often dad praises his son for successes and supports him in failures, the stronger and more confident the future man becomes.
7. Sons, much more strongly than daughters, experience the fact that the father in the family is an “empty place” who does not have his own opinion. Typically this situation occurs with a strong, dominant mother. The boy involuntarily begins to consider himself as worthless and useless as his father. This leads to low self-esteem, depression and anxiety disorders, especially in adolescence.
8. If an overly harsh and despotic father “rules the show” in the family, the son will grow up embittered and cruel towards those who are weaker.

Boys tend to seek adventure and put themselves at risk! Protect your son even when you are not around: always know where he is, what is happening around him, and instantly call if necessary with the “Where are my children” application.

How to raise a boy correctly

The answer is very simple - first and foremost, by being loving, sensible and consistent, while also focusing on a few key areas of parenting.

Love and emotional needs

Regardless of the boy’s skills or inability, his achievements, he needs his father’s love and approval, even if he differs from other boys for the worse. Father's guidance and love open the door to trust and recognition for him. This increases his self-esteem. (Read about What Can Parents Do to Boost Their Child's Self-Esteem?)

Traditionally, it is believed that raising boys is more difficult than raising girls. From childhood, boys are scolded more, hugged less, and shown affection. They are treated more harshly, and obedience is demanded from them more than from girls.

Therefore, fathers should not be afraid to express their tender emotions towards their sons. Worry that in this case the boys will grow up to be sissies and weak people. On the contrary, the manifestation of love and approval increases their sense of security and self-confidence.

It should become common for a father to say: “I love you, son, I’m proud of you.” “I know you can, I’m sure you’ll do everything right.” “It didn’t work out today, it will work out tomorrow, because my son learns from mistakes, I also once made mistakes.” Hearing such sincere words of support and understanding, the boy/young man will try to live up to his father’s expectations or trust.

Remember , for boys, especially when they “fall”, it is important to hear words that will give them confidence that you continue to love them as your sons.

Prudence

A common mistake parents make is to treat their son like a child until he comes of age. All sorts of “musi-pusi; don't overwork yourself; Mom and Dad will do it for you; Better stay at home; You’ll get hurt, you’ll get overextended.”

As a result: parents distort the masculine nature in boys. This has a ricochet effect on the kind of person he grows up to be. And a twitchy semblance of a man grows up on all sides: an indecisive, afraid of everything, or a narcissistic young man.

In the old days, by the age of 23, a guy was already an independent man, capable of taking care of his family and protecting it. Today, by the age of 23, a male person often does not know what he wants, does not really know how to do anything, cannot feed himself, and many continue to live with their parents. There is no point in talking about taking care of someone, since he is not even really able to take care of himself

Therefore, do not deprive the boy of responsibility, let him learn to take responsibility for his actions. Let him gain experience, filling himself with bumps. This will help your son learn to make wise decisions and act wisely.

Subsequence

A child feels a sense of security when he is clearly sure that his parents always act consistently. When you are sure that parents “will not have seven Fridays a week,” that is, they will not constantly change their requirements. It’s even worse when they promise to punish for wrongdoing, but never do it. Then the kid gets used to the fact that he can get away with anything.

To raise your son correctly, you need to be consistent in punishment. For example, saying “yes” means “yes”, and “no” means “no”. Don't throw words into the wind. Having warned the boy about punishment for bad behavior, disobedience, and insolence, be sure to keep your word. The boy must clearly understand that he will have to personally answer for his actions to his father/mentor.

“All kinds of dads are important, but different dads are needed”: what types of fathers are there?

No two dads are the same. Some people spend the whole weekend with their children, while others would rather spend this time playing a new computer game.

Psychologists have identified 9 types of behavior characteristic of male fathers:

Dad mom"

A caring father who shares the care of the baby with his wife. She can independently feed him, bathe him, and put him to sleep.

Dad is a “business”

Such a dad knows very well how to make money, but has absolutely no understanding of raising children. He sees his parental function only in providing material support for the family. It’s good if he knows what grade the child is in.

Dad is a “holiday”

Not necessarily divorced, just a very involved father. Computer games, cars, sports, but not a child. And every sign of dad’s attention is perceived by the child as a holiday.

Dad - "Karabas-Barabas"

An angry, sometimes cruel and tyrannical father. His motto is “scold, scold and scold some more.” Then, perhaps, something worthwhile will grow out of the child.

As a rule, only anxiety, nervous disorders and psychological problems of the son or daughter “grow” from such upbringing.

Dad - "Oblomov"

Yes, yes, and his favorite sofa. In the family, such a dad is perceived as a piece of furniture, he seems to exist, but no one takes into account his opinion and he does not have the right to vote. The entire educational function consists of a menacing roar at a naughty child, which prevents him from watching the next football match.

Dragonfly dad

Dad, formally living in the family, but feeling single and free. The child is perceived by him as an annoying burden. At the first opportunity, such a dad strives to turn into a “Sunday” dad.

Dad is under his thumb

Entirely depends on the wife’s opinion. He devotes time to the child, but in any difficulties he gets lost and waits for help from his wife.

Dad is a “superhero”

A kind, sensitive, sympathetic person..... but not for his family. He participates in raising the child until one of his friends needs his practical advice on buying a washing machine.

"Sunday" dad

This is a dad who is divorced, to whom his mother leaves the children for weekends or holidays. He can take his child for a walk in the park, take him to an entertainment center, or buy an expensive toy. As a rule, this is where the entire educational function ends.

You probably already recognize yourself or your spouse as one of these types. They can either be combined in one man or transform into one another. For example, a “holiday” dad may well turn into an “Oblomov” dad.

Yes, not all fathers can be role models and examples of masculinity. But it’s much worse for the baby if dad is not in the family at all...

How to play with your son?

Games with the baby begin with the usual “Ladushka” and “The horned goat is coming.” As a rule, dad does not take part in finger games, considering them not interesting. This is wrong, because thanks to simple games the boy develops contacts with the outside world. If dad is not in them, it means that he is distant, a stranger. When dad plays with the baby from birth, the son gets used to his voice, facial expressions, and gestures. He becomes like family to the child.

The division of toys into toys for girls and boys begins from the second year of life. There is a group of universal ones, but for a boy, buying a typewriter is considered an important acquisition. There is an active component to games played together with dad. Rarely does a father read a book with his son. As a rule, they run, fuss, make noise and scream. This stimulates the baby’s physical development, which is extremely important for a man. Sometimes dad may even resort to the use of force elements (wrestling and various techniques of self-defense and attack).

Another important difference between men's games is the presence of a competitive spirit. From an early age, the baby competes with his dad (who can run faster, which one is stronger), trying to win. This is what is very important from a psychological point of view. During the competition, the child tests himself and his qualities with the same representative of his gender. The desire to win is also important, because everything taken together allows the child to prepare for life in the male subculture.

Naturally, it is almost impossible to defeat dad, so a man must remember this. You should not give in openly, as this can only offend the child. It is important that the father manages to concede after a difficult and stubborn struggle, then the child’s joy will know no bounds that he received a victory over such a strong opponent.

The role of the father in raising a boy is as important as the role of the mother. The baby should receive both female and male attention. If parents doubt their competence, then it makes sense to consult with a psychologist on how to raise their son.

Tags:Parenting, Boy, Parents

We also recommend reading on this topic:

• Features of punishing children
• Possible consequences of punishing children with a belt
• Basic rules of behavior in transport for children
• Choosing parenting styles and their consequences

A child grows up without a father - what are the consequences?

According to Rosstat for 2021, out of 17 million Russian families, about 6 million are incomplete. And every year this figure becomes larger and larger.

The absence of a father in the family, first of all, negatively affects the child:

• Children are always acutely worried about their parents' divorce. Even if the child is outwardly calm, the pain of losing his father (and children perceive divorce as a loss or death) lives inside him. Therefore, many children whose parents have separated experience deterioration in behavior and general well-being, attention and memory suffer, and nervous disorders may develop.

The importance of a father in a child's life

From the first days, a child should feel the presence of his father in his life. The feeling of a male presence gives him a feeling of invulnerability. The father is strength for him (physical, mental). Children need their father's love. It is an incentive for good behavior and successful studies. With age, the need for paternal attention does not decrease. During the transitional period, parental authority is especially important. Psychologists believe that 30 minutes of daily communication with dad is enough for a child to feel happy.

What to do if dad does not take part in raising his son or daughter?

It often happens that formally the father is in the family, but he is not involved in the child’s life at all.

What should mothers do in such a situation?

1. Just as a child at 3 years old begins to experience the “I myself” crisis, many women with the onset of motherhood begin to experience the same symptoms: “I will feed myself, I will bathe myself, I will walk with the baby myself.” As a result, dad finds himself out of work, and it is not surprising that his paternal feelings remain in embryo.
   Therefore, it is important for mothers to leave the new father with the baby as often as possible and shift some of the worries onto his strong shoulders.

   The more often dad communicates one-on-one with the baby, the stronger the emotional connection between them.

2. A father should always be aware of the events happening in the child’s life. Be it winning a drawing competition or falling in love with your neighbor Mishka for the first time. It’s not bad at all if dad and son or daughter have common affairs or even secrets from mom.
3. The more time a father spends with his child, the better for the baby’s development. And even if the result of their joint activities are bruises, bumps and a mess in the apartment, do not scold or criticize your husband under any circumstances.
4. Remember that it takes time for a dad to develop a close, trusting relationship with his child. And if the father did not initially take part in raising the child, it will be difficult for him to begin this process. Therefore, be patient and tell him what he can do with the child in your absence.

Stay on the same page

Gaining the father's trust must begin from an early age; the son must see real actions and care. The best way to earn mutual understanding is to spend a lot of time together: play, have fun, bring positive emotions that will fill your son for a long time.

At an older age, a boy should know for sure that he can tell his dad any problems and share his experiences. Many parents complain that their son does not trust them, does not talk about his life, constantly hides something and has no desire to share his successes or experiences.

The reason may be a lack of attention or a lack of support that the child did not receive on time.

Regardless of your mood, encourage any impulses, say that everything will work out, remember - your son is the best.

1. Try to be on the same wavelength with your son, if he is 4-5 years old and goes to kindergarten, then when the kid talks about his adventures - support him, tell him your story from kindergarten, if you don’t remember - make up one.
2. Show genuine interest in his words and experience the same emotions, do not reject him in difficult times because you are just busy.
3. Be the initiator of conversations, start your own topic and talk about it, tell your son about your problems - children know how to support, they may not know what it is, but show sympathy.

Advice from psychologists for loving dads

1. Take part in raising your child from the first days of his life. Convince your wife that you are capable of caring for a newborn.
2. Walk and play with your child more often. Playing games and activities together will help create a trusting relationship between you and will recharge both of you with positive energy.
3. Make only reasonable demands on your child. Avoid the use of physical force and verbal threats. Their use creates similar behavior in children and can cause the appearance of such unpleasant character traits as hostility, cruelty and stubbornness.
4. Let us evaluate the child’s actions, not his personality. Not “you’re bad,” but “you did something bad.”
5. Praise your child more often for his successes. If something doesn’t work out for a child, support him.
6. No matter how tired you are after work, be sure to ask your son or daughter how his day went and play calm games with him.
7. Many dads believe that raising a child means constantly controlling him, prohibiting him and punishing him. Such upbringing will lead to the development of self-doubt and low self-esteem in a son or daughter.
8. Feel free to hug and kiss your child. This is very important for his emotional development.
9. Do not quarrel or sort things out with your wife in the presence of your child. If a conflict situation arises, discuss it in private.
10. Dad is the child’s guide to the adult world. Develop curiosity in your son or daughter, encourage his interests and hobbies, and be ready to answer any question that interests him.

No matter how good a child’s mother is, no matter how much she does for his development, she cannot replace father’s upbringing. Only together can parents give their child the necessary guidelines in life and raise him into a psychologically mature personality.

Therefore, dear dads, love and take care of your children! And then you can consider your mission - to be a father - accomplished perfectly!

Dad is an example for his son

The principles of raising a son by a father are based on personal example, even at the moment when it seems that the child is still too young and does not understand anything.

A father should become a classic example for his son in many matters, so a man should not seem, but should actually be that “real man.”

Psychological advice on education

A father must be able to behave correctly with a child of any age. Children from 0 to 5 years old cry less if their father pays attention to them: holds them in his arms, talks. From 5 to 9, growing tomboys need dad for active games, as an assistant in completing and checking homework. Male education is especially important between the ages of 9 and 15 .

Teenagers need a father friend. It will help you deal with school problems and build relationships with friends. Teenage daughters not only need advice, they also need a man’s assessment of their appearance and behavior.

Video: 10 rules for raising a boy

10 useful tips from the “Baby Co!” channel:

...And an important addition from Dr. Komarovsky - how should a father participate in raising a child?

Raising a child is a very important and responsible process. Of course, a child’s personality is influenced by everyone who meets in his life, but his parents give him true education. Psychologists say that an example of behavior is more important for a child than explanations and persuasion. It is clear that a full-fledged personality will be formed only in a family where relationships between people are fully embraced.

Stages of boy development

A happy family is a family in which the child feels cared for by both mother and father. However, parents play a different role in each period of a child’s life.

The fact is that a boy, in the process of his psychological and physical development, goes through 3 main stages, which parents definitely need to know about in order to determine their program of actions. What are these stages:

1. The first stage lasts 6 years from the birth of the baby . During this period of his life, the boy is most attached to his mother. During this stage, the mother must instill in her son a love for family, the world, and surround him with care so that the baby knows that he is safe at home.
2. The second stage lasts 8 years (from 6 to 14) - during this period the boy shows more interest in communicating with his father. He observes dad's behavior, his interests and attitude towards mom. A father must do everything possible to make his son feel the joy of being born a boy. The father must instill in the child love and a thirst for knowledge. A mother at this age should show her son how good it is to live in harmony and joy.
3. The last stage lasts only 4 years (from 14 to 18) - at this age, neither father nor mother play a special role in life for a boy, as before. During adolescence, the child becomes more dependent on society. During this period, parents need to find a mentor for their son who would become an authority for him. This could be a sports coach, a teacher, an older brother.