Raising a son: important advice from psychologists for parents

At different times, views on raising boys changed, and the prevailing opinion was almost always that fathers should certainly be involved in this matter: only a man will be able to instill the necessary qualities in a child. Thus, in ancient Sparta, a very harsh upbringing was maintained - from an early age, the child was taken away from his mother and forced to engage in physical exercises, and taught the intricacies of military affairs. In Russia, literally the century before last, children of 6-7 years old helped their peasant parents, performing completely adult responsibilities.

Hardly anyone would call such approaches acceptable in our time. Now it is necessary to raise a child in an atmosphere of love, respect, paying attention, first of all, to personal development and the realization of children's potential.

Modern approach

In the modern world, the approach to raising boys has changed; women are most often involved in this. Suffice it to remember that in kindergartens and schools the majority of the teaching staff is female. Therefore, the child may not receive the necessary male experience. In this case, the role of family education increases, within the framework of which the father, by his own example, will show his son the norms of behavior.

It’s not easy for single mothers, because they need to explain to their child something that they themselves have not encountered - the male model of behavior. This does not always work out successfully, which is why there are so many men who behave like a “typical girl.”

Often, in two-parent families, fathers are either too busy, missing out on work to provide the family with everything they need, or they withdraw themselves from upbringing, placing all responsibility on their spouse, or they themselves were raised incorrectly, are childish and unmanly and are not able to teach anything good. Therefore, mothers have to deal with such a difficult unfeminine task - teaching their child to become a man.

Required qualities

Psychologists have conducted research and found out what qualities modern mothers would like to see in their sons. The results are quite unexpected:

• accuracy;
• diligence;
• conscientiousness.

While many mothers put masculinity and courage in last place. The position is clear - a serious and calm child will not create problems, unlike a daredevil and a good-natured hooligan. But in the end, the mothers themselves will remain amazed - why their boy grew up lacking initiative, timid, modest, not ready to overcome obstacles, not realizing that they themselves became the reason for this situation.

Taking care of the baby, not allowing him to frolic in the company of the same children, mothers often raise him in the way that is convenient for them - as a family child without unnecessary problems, thus distorting the very nature of men. The child becomes weak-willed, unable to fight back if his peers attack him, is tormented by constant fears, and has no opinion of his own. An overprotected child will hardly be able to grow up to be a harmonious and purposeful person, ready for life’s difficulties; until his hair turns gray, he will count on his mother’s help and sincerely not understand that he could achieve everything on his own.

The second option is the manifestation of protests, which is typical for children who have some fortitude. Such boys categorically refuse to listen to their parents, do not fulfill their requests, are aggressive, and act out of spite. The reason for this behavior is also the overprotection of mothers, and the child rebels against it. The long-awaited and only babies in the family suffer especially.

Next, we suggest you get acquainted with how psychologists advise to properly raise a boy so that he does not grow up effeminate, spoiled and not ready for an independent life, but at the same time does not suffer from lack of attention. Women should give up their position as an “overly caring mother,” let go of their own fears, and give their child a little more freedom. That is, give up your own maternal egoism and think about who her son will become in the future.

What to do with a 4 year old child at home

Developmental games for children 4-5 years old:

Preschoolers love to use props. Sticks become swords. Blankets transform into super hero capes. At four years old, your child's imagination is in hyperdrive. She can become whatever she chooses - a doctor, a mother or a pilot. Her imagination creates longer, more complex dramas in which others can participate, so play scenes can last many hours or be repeated over several days.

Conversations can sometimes feel like interrogations: where are we going, mom? When will we get there? Who will we see? Why won't dad come with us? She begins to understand that there are reasons for things - and she wants to know what they are.

Another reason for constant questions is that your child's vocabulary is exploding and she wants to practice using words to explore her world.

Rules of education

Let's consider the main points that mothers should take into account when raising their sons.

• Lack of total control. Each mother herself determines what she will allow the baby to do, at what point in his failure she will come to the rescue, however, it is important to maintain the “golden mean”, without turning into a stern lady, confident in the benefits of Spartan conditions, and without becoming like overprotective mothers.
• Use the example of other people's fathers. If a woman is forced to raise a child alone, she should observe how the fathers of other children behave. So, if a baby falls during a walk, dad does not run to his aid and reacts more calmly to tears and screaming, because he understands that falls are inevitable in childhood.
• It is equally important to observe where fathers show firmness and at what points they are ready to give in.
• It is not pulling away that will help to develop a masculine demeanor, but encouraging it. You need to help the child overcome an obstacle, and not stay away from a dangerous place.
• The word is the most important assistant for parents. Therefore, when saying “boy”, you need to try to use the characteristics “courageous” and “hardy” more often. The child will gradually develop an idea of ​​how a male representative behaves in his head.

Let us note that masculinity should be cultivated carefully, taking into account the age of the child. So, if the baby is only 2 years old, it is acceptable to give in and not demand extra effort and super endurance from him. Nowadays, children really need the support of an adult, pity, communication - we cannot deprive the child of the necessary psychological help.

Here's an example:

1. If a child falls and cries, he should be pitied, even if the adult is sure that the baby is not in pain.
2. When a boy falls and does not cry, his courage is worth celebrating and praising, showing how proud his parents are of his resilience.

This is the only way to raise a harmonious personality, and not one who is downtrodden and insecure or protests on any issue.

Liberty

Let's talk separately about restrictions on independence. You hear the phrase “you’re doing it wrong, go, I’d rather do it myself” quite often, even in relation to adult men. It is destructive to the boy’s personality; it teaches him to quickly give up and transfer responsibility to another person. Such a child will always expect that in difficult times his mother will come to his aid and do everything for him. Therefore, then parents should not be offended that their grown-up son constantly asks them for money and cries because of life’s difficulties. They themselves prepared such a fate for themselves and for him.

The solution is simple - you need to allow the child to act, learn through trial and error, and achieve his goal. Parents can give advice, but a child from preschool age must be independent.

Of course, it’s easier for the mother of a 4-year-old baby to dress him for a walk herself than to watch, gradually losing patience, as he tries to tie his shoelaces. Experts advise: if the baby does not ask for help, you need to give him freedom. It is better to start getting ready in advance, but give the child the opportunity to dress independently. If a child says “I myself,” that’s how it should be. You can’t kill his initiative and desire to learn.

Prohibitions

When determining the level of freedom for a child, parents decide what prohibitions to set for him. There are two common mistakes here:

• Their complete absence. On the one hand, the boy feels that he can do anything, feels important and independent. But on the other hand, there are many dangers in the world that children, due to their age, do not understand. Therefore, this position of parents endangers the health and even the life of the baby.
• A huge number of prohibitions. Literally everything is prohibited for the baby; to perform any action the boy has to ask permission (for example, can he take this or that toy). The result is that the child grows up insecure, modest, with a complete lack of leadership qualities and the desire to achieve something on his own.

That is why it is very important to decide what to prohibit and what to allow your child. Each “taboo” must be justified and understandable to the child - you need to explain why you can’t put your fingers in a socket, what this will lead to, why you need to cross the roadway only at a pedestrian crossing, after first looking around. Only in this case will the boy strive to consciously not break the rules, and not try to slowly “taste the forbidden fruit” while his parents are not looking.

A system of prohibitions should be formed from the age of 2; the boy should be gradually accustomed to the word “impossible”, explaining to him why it is prohibited.

The importance of feelings

Let us denote this rule: excessive care is destructive, as is inattention. Therefore, mothers should try not to “babble” with the boy, but fathers should not be shy about expressing their tender feelings. A child who grows up in an atmosphere of love and respect will learn to love and respect himself. You should teach your son from childhood to help the elderly, to treat girls and younger children in a special way as weaker and in need of support.

Asking your child for forgiveness if the parents realized that they were wrong does not mean losing your authority, but, on the contrary, strengthening it. After all, the child realizes that anyone can make a mistake, which only a strong personality can admit.

How to raise kids?

How to raise a 2 year old boy? The second year of life predicts many discoveries. When a baby is 1-2 years old, his interest in the world around him grows. A one-year-old baby explores most of the objects around him by touch, smell and taste. You should not limit the child’s location to one playpen and take everything away from his hands. It is better to remove truly dangerous objects from his environment. You need to walk around the house with him, show him, tell him, let him touch in the presence of an adult everything in which he has an interest. It is important that your mother is nearby at this moment. As soon as the baby learns to crawl, and then walk (from 5 months), new horizons open up for him, and with them, dangers. It is necessary to secure the house: plugs in sockets, upholstery on corners, latch on the toilet, remove sharp objects away, etc.

It is very strange for an adult that a boy picks up a dish, a magazine, a bag or a button to play. For him, any thing is interesting, unusual, he will soon lose interest in it and begin a new object of research.

The best toys

Let's talk about the principles of choosing toys for a 3-4 year old boy. Psychologists recommend offering him as much “male” entertainment as possible, and we are not talking about cars, soldiers and weapons, but about a fireman’s helmet, a set of carpentry tools, and a ship’s wheel. Such fun can be purchased in stores or made independently.

These toys have several advantages:

• from an early age, the child gets acquainted with “male” professions;
• spends less time at the computer;
• Children find these types of games very interesting.

The advice from psychologists is this: you should purchase similar toys of discreet colors, this also helps to cultivate masculinity.

At 5-6 years old, you can give children the opportunity to help dad by hammering a nail or whittling something. It is important not to try to prohibit them from working, but to keep them under supervision so that the baby does not accidentally get hurt. Such help allows the child to feel more important and improves his self-esteem. The father is required to show patience and not take it out on the baby if something doesn’t work out for him. Screaming and swearing will do their job - interest in physical work will disappear forever.

In an incomplete family, boys can help one of the male relatives, in this way they will be able to join male activities. When the baby grows up a little, you should find a club for him, the teacher of which is a man, and one that the child will really like. Such a positive example is very important in the development of character.

Active games

Raising a son requires the mandatory use of outdoor games, but not all parents are delighted with this. Noise, disorder - this is what catch-up, hide-and-seek and similar fun entail. In addition, there may not be enough free space in the room. However, such games are necessary.

The task of parents is not to prohibit with all their might, but to ennoble these fun, to make of them a way of personal development. So, a child can simply play catch-up, or he can, with the help of his parents, come up with a complex plot in which there are positive and negative characters, and real interplanetary wars are being waged. You can tell your child about the Vikings, Indians, partisans, samurai, Roman legionnaires, warriors of Russian princes and others, and select suitable equipment for them. It is certainly interesting for children to temporarily transform into a resident of past eras; in addition, they will learn new information.

Active games cannot be prohibited, otherwise a child who is forced to restrain himself in kindergarten or at school, without receiving emotional release at home, will become nervous and irritable.

What are the characteristics of children of this age period?

At this time, the child’s personality and independence begin to form. He learns to speak, takes his first steps and attempts to understand the world, explores everything that surrounds him. The child adopts the parents' behavior model and copies them. If an adult is doing something, you can ask the child to repeat after him. In this way, it will be possible to set the child the correct pattern of behavior. Almost all housework can be done together, involving the child in the process. Thanks to this, at the age of 7, when the time comes to go to first grade, the baby will not have problems with independence. At this moment, the boy understands the purpose of objects and the meaning of the manipulations performed by his parents. He tries to compare his actions with the actions of his parents and acquires the rudiments of logical thinking. His emotional background and the foundations of his future personality are formed. The vocabulary gradually expands and speech develops.

Nurturing heroism and courage

It is important to introduce boys to the exploits of the inhabitants of past eras - this will not only become a positive example, but will also help strengthen their respect for the older generation. On a subconscious level, every man (regardless of his age) has a desire for achievements, for courage, for taking risks for the sake of some high goal. This is what needs to be used in education: before the eyes of a child there should be a hero, someone close in spirit and understandable to them, doing the right thing, courageously, decisively. Children will look up to such images and want to be like them. If boys are not introduced to the manifestations of heroism, then they will lack the desire to perform feats, even small, insignificant ones, for example, to protect the weak and offended.

Psychologists approach the question this way:

• Children, even not familiar with the exploits of true heroes, understand that being cowardly is bad and shameful.
• Every boy has a desire for romance, however, without having a full-fledged example in front of them, they begin to use those images that they see on television or learn from their peers.
• The concept of “hero” is replaced by “cool”, which is not always good, since “cool” can also be an immoral character, not cowardly, courageous, but not ready for sympathy, help, and committing unseemly acts. It is this trend that is causing the increase in juvenile crime.

That is why it is important for parents who do not want to allow such a situation to happen, to introduce their children in time to those who are truly worthy of becoming role models. Let's make a reservation: the ideal is unattainable, but by trying to get closer to it, a person becomes better. Trying to be brave, like a real hero, the child may not achieve what he wants, but will strive to conquer heights. And if you lower the bar, make some concessions, it turns out that you don’t even have to try. The result is cowardice, a passive life position, and a focus on inevitable defeat. The boy develops the attitude “why do something if nothing will work out anyway.” To overcome it, it is important to instill in the child that he has heroic qualities, and not to scold and shame him for his cowardice.

In general, striving for ideals should become a good habit for everyone. Let's give a simple example. When starting to learn a foreign language, a person does not set out to speak it like a native one. The result is that the knowledge gained is enough to somehow communicate; sellers and hotel employees will understand such a tourist, but he will never become a translator. That is why it is necessary to teach a boy to set high goals from an early age. Achieving it is difficult, almost impossible, but efforts and aspirations will inevitably lead to success.

Best books

Reading suitable literature with them will greatly help in raising boys. Therefore, even a preschooler can be introduced to the works of Kataev, Olesha, Kassil, Panteleev, in which the heroes perform real feats. In addition, children will definitely appreciate “The Chronicles of Narnia” by C. Lewis and “The Adventures of Emil of Linneberg” by A. Lindgren. You can tell them about the exploits of Ivan Susanin, Russian soldiers and partisans during the Great Patriotic War. In every city there are streets named after heroes, so boys will probably be interested in finding out what is so heroic, what feat this or that person accomplished, that a street was named after him.

All this will help the difficult task of raising a son as a real man.

Communication skills of five-year-old children

The child shows increasing interest in children of approximately the same age. And from habitual communication only in the family, he increasingly moves on to broader relationships with the outside world.

Often a preschooler in this period divides children into “good” and “bad.”

But in this way he evaluates them based on the opinions of adults. Kids can be friends, quarrel, be offended, seek reconciliation, even be jealous, but they also help each other. The child has an increasing need for recognition of himself as an individual and respect among other peers.

Communication with peers is an important component of development

Due to the fact that in children of five years of age, cognitive interest predominates when communicating with adults, a lot of questions that they ask are inevitable. More often in the character of “why”. This happens because it is the adult who is the indisputable authority, the source of knowledge.

Helpful advice: it is important to listen to the child, because no one else but the parents can clearly explain to the child everything that worries him and replenish his knowledge.

Strong-willed qualities and focus develop. With their help, children can overcome certain difficulties that arise at this age. But along with active independence in the spirit of “I do it myself,” children are often overtaken by failures, discouraging them at the same time. And if there are a lot of mistakes, this can subsequently lead to a feeling of insecurity.

Parents should pay attention to the physical development of children

Myths and their debunking

Some parents misunderstand raising boys - and inevitably make mistakes. Here are three major myths regarding raising sons:

1. The behavior of a male child is determined by physiology, and even the best education cannot cope with nature. Boys will always be aggressive, playful, play around and take risks. This is wrong. Research has proven that those children who are loved are themselves able to give love, and those who are cared for are able to show care. How a boy will behave depends, first of all, on his upbringing, and not on gender characteristics.
2. Boys need to be courageous. Because of this belief, many children cannot live the life they would like, for fear of becoming the subject of ridicule and bullying by their peers. In fact, masculinity can be demonstrated in different ways; there is no need to follow generally accepted canons. A boy can cry, play “girl games”, while remaining a worthy representative of his gender. Thus, some teenagers prefer to spend time not on sports fields, but in the kitchen, creating their own culinary masterpieces, and there is nothing reprehensible or shameful about this. On the contrary, they do what they really want, realize their full potential, are happy and satisfied with themselves.
3. Boys are seen as dangerous, aggressive, and prone to violence. In reality, they are sensitive, capable of empathy and helping those in need.

It is important for parents to understand their child, abandon stereotypes, and make every effort to harmoniously develop their personality; only in this case will their son grow up courageous, brave, but caring and understanding.

Character of a child at 4 years old

Why is my child aggressive?

This is just a normal stage. It's frustrating if your preschooler hits, bites, or kicks, but his behavior will likely improve over time. He or she just needs to grow up.

You can help him by knowing what might trigger his anger. Your child is more likely to act aggressively when he is tired, or when he feels hungry, thirsty, or generally out of sorts. For example, you may notice that she tends to act aggressive at the end of a long day of shopping or before lunch.

Keep a daily routine

Make sure your baby gets food when she's hungry and rests when she's tired. If possible, you can also avoid times and places where you know she might have trouble staying calm.

Aggression may also occur if your preschooler is feeling overwhelmed or upset, or when he is in an unfamiliar situation, such as opening a daycare. She may act aggressively if she cannot find the words to express her strong feelings.

In some cases, aggression can be a means of attracting attention. If your child gets a big reaction from you when he acts aggressively, he will soon realize that this is a good way to get you to pay attention to him.

Almost all young children behave aggressively from time to time, and some go through longer phases of aggression. Your child's aggression will likely decrease as his social and language skills mature.