How to teach a child to sleep in his own crib: advice from a psychologist and 9 common mistakes

The baby is gradually growing up, but the crib is still idle, because he is already accustomed to his mother’s warmth and is categorically against moving to a new place. Not only the child is nervous, but also the mother, and the father is also dissatisfied.

If parents want to know how to teach their child to fall asleep on their own, then they should listen to the recommendations of pediatricians, psychologists and more experienced mothers who were able to survive the stage of accustoming their baby to a crib without any problems.

Advantages and disadvantages of co-sleeping

Parents, when choosing who their child should sleep with, often decide in favor of sleeping together.

In addition, many advocates of natural parenting also advocate a strong baby-mother bond, especially during the newborn period. But there are also disadvantages to this habit.

pros

A 1 month old baby constantly wakes up at night to get enough of the mother's milk. It is not easy for a woman to get up every time, lift the baby out of bed, give breastfeeding and put him down again;
The largest amount of prolactin (the hormonal substance responsible for milk production) begins to be produced at night. Lack of sleep, which occurs as a result of constant rocking of the baby at night, negatively affects the volume and quality of breast secretion;
Physical contact between mother and newborn allows biological rhythms to connect. Therefore, when falling asleep together, mother and baby rest together: after latching on to the breast, the baby calmly dozes off, therefore, the parent also falls asleep.

Minuses

A child of 4 months only seems small, but on the parent’s bed he can take up quite a lot of space. The father finds himself in such a situation as the “third wheel”, so he is forced to move to the sofa. Naturally, this has a negative impact on the intimate side of the spouses’ lives;
If a 2-year-old child does not want to sleep in his own bed, then it is extremely difficult to accustom him to his own sleeping place. In addition, there is often a “split” in the family on this issue, when the father seeks to send the baby to a separate bed, and the mother, pitying her beloved little one, wants to delay the moment of “separation”;
Children's hygiene is more serious, so any infection can increase its impact in a confined bed environment. In addition, if dad smokes, the baby may even experience allergic reactions to nicotine;
very rarely, but tragedies still happen when a tired mother crushes the baby who is sleeping next to her. Of course, such situations are rare, but you should not forget about them and you should not go to bed tired with your child either.

Sleeping together can help out in a situation where adults feel a lack of communication with the baby throughout the day. For example, when a mother goes to work literally 4 months after the birth of her baby and leaves during the day.

From the point of view of psychologists, children who slept in their parents' bed in infancy are more dependent on mom and dad. However, strong attachment is noted at an early age, then, if there is no excessive care in upbringing, the relationship is normalized.

Co-sleeping between children and parents: what is it like?

For the first six months of the baby’s life (and another 9 months before that), he was one with his mother, who fed and protected him, creating the most comfortable conditions for his life.

For the first six months, mother and baby should wake up and fall asleep together - this is important for both the physical and mental development of the baby

It is not surprising that he quickly got used to this regime and only in his parents’ bedroom does he feel protected.

Up to a certain point, there is nothing wrong with sleeping together with a child; on the contrary, newborn children sleeping next to their mother in the future become more open people, without complexes.

For the first six months, it is impossible for the baby to sleep separately from the mother, since the child constantly wakes up and wants to eat. Breastfeeding calms him down and lulls him to sleep.

In addition, a mother who sleeps with her child has the opportunity to feed him while she sleeps, thanks to which she gets better sleep. And the lactation process improves when sleeping together.

But there comes a time when parents begin to feel discomfort. The child becomes more mature, more conscious of the world around him, and at night he may wake up at the wrong moment. Parents may have intimate problems at this time. Then mom and dad decide to move the child into their own crib. When you can have sex after childbirth, read here.

When should you teach your child to fall asleep in his own crib?

The question of how to accustom a newborn to a crib almost never arises among parents, because if the child is put to sleep in his own bed from the first days of life, then problems with weaning simply will not arise.
If the child falls asleep with his parents or mother from the moment he is born, the weaning process will be delayed. That is why it is necessary to choose the age that is most favorable from a psychological and physiological point of view.

Many experts recommend thinking about how to teach a child to fall asleep in his own bed at about 6 to 8 months of age.

During this period, the number of night feedings is significantly reduced, the baby can sleep through the night without waking up. Also, at 6 months the child rolls over without the risk of suffocation and this process does not require special control.

However, this age period is just a recommended period, since it is necessary to look at the baby’s characteristics. It will be easier to teach your child to sleep in a crib if:

the baby is able to sleep soundly at night (the number of night awakenings is 1 - 2 times);
natural feeding has either already stopped, or the mother breastfeeds the baby three times a day;
the baby does not cry or scream if he does not see mom and dad when he wakes up;
he is able to remain alone for a quarter of an hour;
he tends to push away from his parents during sleep;
the baby was born full-term and does not suffer from chronic diseases;
weaning from the parent's bed does not coincide with stressful moments (learning potty etiquette, the birth of a brother/sister, entering kindergarten, weaning).

Solving the problem of how to teach a child to sleep separately does not imply deprivation of physical contact with the mother, but demonstrating the benefits of independent sleep.

We train you to sleep separately by month

How to teach a newborn, one month old, or three month old baby to sleep in a crib on their own? Some mothers share their experience of smooth training using the following algorithm:

a baby up to 4 months falls asleep on his mother’s breast and is transferred to a crib;

at 5-6 months, the mother rocks the baby in her arms to a lullaby;

11 months - 1 year, just with a song.

At 7, 8, 9 and 10 months, everything depends on the teething process. The baby may sleep restlessly due to pain in the gums. In such cases, use a special anesthetic liquid. It will relieve pain and the little one will sleep more peacefully.

It is important to know! The crib only works as a place to fall asleep instantly when it is used only for sleeping. The baby woke up, take him from there. Let him play and eat in other places. Place it in the crib only when the baby is ready to sleep.

At 1.5 years old, you can and should diversify your falling asleep rituals. Add to them a soft toy, putting on pajamas, reading a book. At 2-3 years old, the next step is a separate bed. If your child is afraid, first place the bed next to yours. Make moving into your own room feel like a holiday.

Choosing the right bed as a solution to the problem

If the child does not want to sleep in the crib, perhaps the problem is in his separate sleeping place. In such a situation, you should purchase a special side bed.

This type of furniture is a regular cradle, but it is missing one side. Thus, the crib smoothly flows into the bed for parents, and vice versa.

With the help of special fastenings, the sleeping place for a child is installed on the same level as an adult bed. The baby seems to fall asleep separately, but is next to his mother.

The mother can feed her baby milk at any time, and she doesn’t even need to get out of bed. Having had enough, the child quickly closes his eyes, feeling the warmth of the mother’s body. Mom's affectionate touch will also help to calm you down.

When the baby matures a little (for example, at 2 or 3 months), a small side is created from a diaper in his crib for some separation from the mother. After another 4 weeks, the wooden board returns to its place, usually during this time the child has time to get used to the sleeping place.

After some time, the bed is gradually moved away from the parent's bed. This sequence allows you to avoid violent reactions on the part of the child and prepare the mother psychologically for “parting” with her child.

Signs of readiness for independent sleep

Many mothers avoid the crib until a certain point and place the little one next to them. However, there comes a time when it is time to isolate the child from yourself and put him in his own crib. What signs will indicate that the toddler is completely ready to start sleeping on his own:

The child stopped feeding on breast milk.
After waking up, the baby lies calmly, looks at everything around him, waits for his mother to notice him, and does not throw tantrums.
The baby sleeps at night without waking for six hours.
Throughout the day, the baby sleeps for up to three hours.
The little one begins to show himself as an independent person.

How to accustom a child to his crib?

Of course, first of all, it is necessary to pay attention to the needs and desires of the baby. However, we should not forget about the interests of adults. Thus, the popular TV doctor Komarovsky is convinced that you should not sacrifice yourself to children.

This means that you need to act decisively and take into account the interests of each household member. After all, if mom or dad don’t get enough sleep or wake up exhausted, no one will be better off.

To transfer a child to a separate crib, you need to act consistently, patiently and take into account the child’s age. Of course, the methods chosen will be different in 3 months or 3 years.

Infancy

As already noted, the most favorable period for weaning a baby from the parental bed is considered to be the age of six months, plus or minus a few weeks.

In infancy, the baby tends to give up habits faster.
What can you do in this case:

Experienced mothers advise carefully monitoring children's reactions. In order for your baby to fall asleep faster, you need to put him in bed not according to a set schedule, but at the first signs of fatigue. Otherwise, the active child will begin to spin in the cradle and lean on his arms;
You can influence the subconscious by creating a connection in the baby between a certain action and falling asleep. Already at 4 or 5 months, a baby is able to “track” the connection between bathing, a relaxing massage and going to bed. A lullaby before bed can also be a good ritual;
A child's bed is a place intended exclusively for falling asleep. You need to feed and play with the baby in completely different corners;
If the baby falls asleep immediately after feeding, you need to put a diaper under the baby. After a quarter of an hour (when the baby is deeply asleep), you need to move the baby to bed. In addition, a soft diaper will retain the mother's smell, which will promote sound sleep;
How to teach a newborn to sleep separately? Usually there are no problems with such a small baby. But for a good night's sleep, you can create the conditions for your baby that he is accustomed to in the mother's womb. Experienced mothers advise swaddling the baby until 4 - 8 weeks, then this method no longer works.

If a child sleeps with his parents until about 9 months, he learns to constantly be in contact with them. Therefore, touch is extremely important to him.

In order to wean a one-year-old child from sleeping together with mom and dad as painlessly as possible, you need to try to compensate for the number of touches and tactile proximity throughout the day.

This will allow the baby to feel surrounded by tenderness and love. But psychologists do not recommend picking him up. It’s better to just stroke, kiss, demonstrating affection through touching.

Children over 2 years old

If parents failed to accustom their child to his own crib at 6 or 9 months, it cannot be said for sure that the good time has already been missed, and the baby will no longer get used to the new sleeping place.

However, the fact that two- or three-year-old children sleep in their parents’ bed should not be considered the norm either. Marital relationships also suffer. Here are some tips:

first piece of advice: if the child does not sleep in a crib, you should gradually accustom him to a new sleeping place. Use the tip mentioned above - use an additional children's bed. The baby will be nearby, but separately from the parents. Then the crib is moved away from the parent's bed;
It will be easier to accustom your child to a crib if you invite him to buy the furniture himself. In stores there are models in the form of a car, a magic palace, an airplane, a ship;
For the purchased bed you need to buy accompanying accessories: a blanket, a sheet, a soft pillow, new pajamas. If your baby is wary of the darkness in the children's room, purchase a night light;
His peers will help teach your baby to sleep; they already have their own separate sleeping area. Go visit so your child can see how other children treat their own crib with respect and pride;
The baby will be more likely to get used to his crib if he sleeps in it during the day. When laying down, you need to close the curtains, create a pleasant psychological atmosphere, for example, read a fairy tale or give your baby a massage. To make sleep come sooner, be sure to take a walk, let the child run and get a little tired;
When the baby gets used to it, you can switch to sleeping in a crib at night. Turn on the night lamp to eliminate various fears, read fairy tales. During the day you need to work with your child so that by dinner he already feels pleasantly tired. However, make sure that children do not become overtired.

It may sound a little strange, but, first of all, the mother should want to sleep separately. During their time together in the same bed, a woman could get used to this situation, and now on a subconscious level she does not want to part with her child.

Why doesn't the child sleep in the crib?

There are several reasons why a child refuses his own place to sleep. The main reason is that parents allow them to sleep together in an adult bed. Less commonly, when a child has serious mental disorders (fears and worries). There are also many other reasons:

Getting ready for bed is disorganized
Acquired habit of sleeping with parents from birth
Discomfort and cold
Desire for motion sickness
Hunger before bed
Sick baby regularly sleeping with mom
Attracting missing parental attention
A terrible dream.

The baby doesn’t come to his parents’ bed on his own, we, the parents, put him there, says E.O. Komarovsky.

We prevent possible errors

So, we found out that mother’s anxiety and psychological resistance are transmitted to children, as a result of which the child does not want to sleep in a separate crib or simply cannot sleep.

In order not to spoil the process of accustoming to a separate sleeping place, you need to avoid other common mistakes. For example, you cannot:

intimidate children;
refuse to turn on the night light;
act inconsistently with your spouse. It is important to first agree with your husband on common requirements for the child;
scream, use punishment if the child refuses to sleep in the crib;
transfer a two- or three-year-old baby from the parent’s bed to the baby’s cradle, especially if it is in another room (this age period is the time when fears appear);
teasing, calling names, laughing at children’s fears or reluctance to sleep separately;
discuss the current situation with other people, even close ones, in the presence of the child;
leaving the baby crying in bed for a long time when he wakes up and does not see his mother (also, do not immediately run to another room at the first squeak);
Allow the baby to stay in the parent's bed. A accustomed child can try, using various tricks, to sleep with mom and dad, manipulating their feelings (with the exception of if the baby is sick).

If a new addition to the family is expected soon, it is necessary to move the older child into a separate bed even before the birth of the youngest family member.

Otherwise, the first-born will feel that the change of sleeping place is connected with the birth of a brother/sister, which may result in protest reactions and constant bouts of jealousy.

Children under one year old: don't miss the moment

photo from the site https://oboifullhd.ru

It often happens that after giving birth you chose to sleep together, but after a couple of months it turned out that this option is not entirely suitable for all family members. The child becomes more and more active, takes up more space, preventing parents from getting enough sleep or being alone. It is possible to train a baby to sleep in a crib, but the process is complicated by the established habit of falling asleep on the chest. You will have to pull yourself together and prepare for work that may take more than one month:

Try to develop a stable daily routine, putting your baby to bed at the same time with a deviation of 5-10 minutes.
Set a special signal for laying down. This could be a bath, a massage or a lullaby, after which you put the baby in the crib every day.
Do not use the crib as a playpen; the child should associate it exclusively with a place to sleep.
Push the crib close to the adult bed and lower the side to create a shared sleeping area.
After feeding, always place your baby in his own space. When waking up alone does not provoke crying, start moving the crib away at night.
Don’t worry if you have to reconnect both beds many times, this is normal, since you can only gradually teach your baby to sleep in a crib.
Over time, it will even be possible to move the child to another room, and this will not be stressful for him, because he will still go to bed in a familiar atmosphere.

photo from the site

Be sure to take care of optimal sleeping conditions. The temperature in the room should be in the range of 18-21⁰C, the bed linen should be comfortable, and the child should be well-fed and dry. It is very important to choose the right time for the transition to a new stage of life, since accustoming a child to a crib is possible only against the backdrop of complete well-being. It is worth postponing the habituation process for a while in the following cases:

Period of teething. When your baby sleeps restlessly, there is a very high risk that you will start taking him to your place at night again, and all the previously made efforts will be cancelled.
Disease. Even a harmless runny nose causes restless sleep, not to mention conditions that cause pain. You shouldn’t provoke additional suffering; you can easily teach your baby to sleep in his crib a little later.
The child is not able to be in the room alone. A signal of psychological readiness for separate sleep is the time when the little one can spend at least 10-15 minutes alone.
The number of night feedings exceeds 2 times. Frequent feedings will turn the night into a busy time for mom, filled with continuous laying down, and the likelihood of failure is too high.

Lifehack

After introducing complementary foods, plan your last feeding as close to bedtime as possible. The food should be nourishing so that the baby does not wake up longer, since it is almost impossible to teach a baby to sleep in his own crib when he is hungry. Prepare a dinner with proteins and slow carbohydrates, for example, porridge with meat puree.

As a conclusion

If the question of how to teach a child to sleep separately from his parents seems too difficult to you, you can seek qualified advice from a pediatrician or psychologist.

In summary, the recommendations of experts are as follows:

it will be easier for the child to fall asleep alone if crib training takes place in the optimal age period - from six to eight months;
The younger the toddler, the easier it is for him to adapt to the conditions of falling asleep. Newborn babies usually (but not always) sleep peacefully without their mother;
The optimal way of training is considered to be an additional bed, which allows you to be close to the child and at the same time maintain some distance;
You should not delay moving to your own children's bed until 2 - 3 years old. At such an “adult” age, the process of addiction will be seriously delayed and become more painful;
You cannot punish or scold the child, otherwise he will perceive separate falling asleep as a disciplinary measure, which is not very good for parent-child relationships;
It is important to bring the issue of children’s sleep to a common denominator by discussing all the rules with other household members. The process of accustoming to the crib may be delayed if the grandmother puts the baby under her side.

As you know, every change in a child’s life is not easy. However, if you follow all the important rules and conditions, then very soon the baby will enjoy sleep in his own bed, and you will enjoy peace and tranquility, as well as a full-fledged marital relationship.

When is it contraindicated to sleep alone?

A child needs to be taught to sleep on his own from the cradle, and sometimes even from the first weeks of life. However, there are a number of indications that are contraindications for such actions.

The baby was born ahead of schedule.
He was not born naturally; a caesarean section was performed.
The little one was injured during labor.
The baby has all the symptoms of increased intracranial pressure.
The child is extremely excitable, often cries, and is nervous.
The baby developed skin rashes.
The baby is lagging behind in physical or psychological development.
The little one is teething.
The child has a cold and has a fever.

Therefore, there is not always an urgent need to force the baby to sleep separately, in his own bed. Sometimes this can only seriously harm both the mental state and the physical development of the toddler.

What not to do

Don't make any concessions. Once you decide that the child should sleep separately from his parents, do not make any concessions. When a child is in a bad mood or sick, there will be a natural desire to take the baby into your bed at night. This cannot be done, if only for reasons of correct upbringing. The child must understand what his parents want from him.
Don't overdo it. There is no need to go to the opposite extreme. Having forbidden you to sleep with yourself, do not move away from the child and do not show excessive coldness and indifference. In addition to the fact that it may offend the little one, it can cause additional stress.
Don't kick dad out. You can't make a choice between dad and child. A man and a woman are the foundation of a family, and dad is an important part of it. The child will conclude that everything he demands will be fulfilled. An incorrect attitude will not allow children to understand the value of adults and the authority of their father.

You assigned the child his room and put him to bed. At night the child got up and came to the parents' bedroom. Hug your child, kiss him, talk to him, take his hand and take him back to his room. The child came to your room for the second time. Don't yell or get angry. Hug the baby, kiss, but do not talk to him. The third time the child came to your room. Just take him by the hand and take him to his room, put him to bed.

The methods given above are only the experience of mothers and fathers in trying to teach their child to sleep separately. They can be used either separately or in combination. Or maybe in the process you will develop your own individual technique. Write in the comments your experience can help many families.