How to wean a child from sleeping with his mother and teach him to fall asleep separately from his parents?

The right attitude

First, the mother makes an informed decision, which she is not going to refuse.
The woman understands that thanks to a separate crib, the child will become more independent and mature. The parent will have more freedom and prepare the baby for kindergarten. Some mothers believe that sleeping together is a demonstration of their great love. But you can show your child tender feelings in another way. Hugging and praising your baby more often, playing with him and reading fairy tales. Children do not cease to adore their parents when they begin to sleep separately. A separate room is not a punishment, but a gift. Both adults and young family members need personal space. Mom must insist on her own. If a child is bought a crib, he sleeps in it, and not next to his parents. Kids resist, are capricious, and cunning, but if they cannot convince the adults, they give up.

Abrupt refusal to sleep together can traumatize the child’s psyche. Mothers gradually accustom their children to a separate bed. When breastfeeding, sit in a chair or on a sofa. You cannot go to bed with your baby. Mealtime is one of the most intimate moments when a child has contact with a parent. It should not be associated with a bed or sofa.

After feeding, the woman rocks the baby and returns him to the crib. Gradually the child develops a reflex. He eats his fill and then falls asleep separately from his mother. The technique works if the baby is between 3 and 9–10 months old. The baby simply does not have time to get used to sleeping together. He associates rest with the cradle. The main thing is that the child is not left alone. While the baby falls asleep, the mother strokes his tummy, sings or tells a story.

The disadvantage of this method: the mother has to get up regularly to feed, change clothes or rock the baby. Not all parents are ready to wake up in the middle of the night and go to another room to a crying baby.

You need to negotiate with children who are 1–2 years old. Dad removes the side panel of the crib and moves the baby's crib towards the adult. You can also install a folding chair if it has a flat and hard surface.

The mother invites the child to lie down in the cradle. There is no partition, so the baby seems to sleep with his parents. The main thing is that in the middle of the night the child does not climb onto his mother’s half of the bed.

A blanket or blanket rolled up is placed between the child's chair and the adult sofa. A soft barrier will not allow a sleepy baby to move to his parents. The blanket is stuffed into the gap between the bed and the cradle so that the sleeping child does not get stuck in it if he tosses and turns.

The woman puts the baby on the chair, and she herself always lies down next to him. He turns on the night light, takes out a book with fairy tales from the shelf and reads. You can simply take the child by the hand and remain silent. Children are different: some fall asleep only to a song or story, others need silence and a mother’s hug. Parents find a quick way to get motion sickness experimentally. The main thing is to wait until the child is fast asleep. Then the woman can carefully get out of bed and go to the kitchen to drink tea and read a book. Tired mothers are advised to forget about dirty dishes and just relax while they can.

How to protect yourself and your child

If a mother decides to sleep with her child, she should enlist the support of her spouse and find out how to keep the baby safe. With breastfeeding, you first need to learn how to feed in a lying position. It is better to consult a breastfeeding specialist on this topic.

In addition, for safe co-sleeping with your child you need:

1. Use an independent orthopedic mattress so that the child does not fall into the “holes” created by the parents.

2. Place the baby on a separate diaper between the mother and the wall, and not between the parents.

3. Change bed linen regularly.

4. Avoid sharing the same bed with a child and a parent who has taken a sedative or is intoxicated.

5. Avoid sharing the same bed with a child and a parent suffering from a skin or infectious disease.

6. Refuse bulky pillows, blankets and bedspreads, which can tightly cover the baby and block the access of oxygen.

Before you switch to co-sleeping, you should try sleeping with your baby during the day. If during the process there are difficulties with feeding, the mother becomes uncomfortable or does not get enough sleep, it is better to start teaching him to sleep separately.

Birth of a younger brother or sister

The question of what to do after the birth of your second child, when the first one is still sleeping with you, arises quite often. It is clear that the first one will have to be weaned off, since there will clearly not be enough space for four.

Experience of the Sviridov family:

“The eldest daughter began to sleep with us almost from birth. At first, this suited us: I was calm, the child was more comfortable. But after I found out about my second pregnancy, I had to decide something. I delayed and delayed until the last moment: I gave birth, but my daughter did not intend to sleep in her room. She was then 2.8 years old. But everything was resolved much easier. At first we put our son to bed in his crib. Having exhausted my nerves enough by reading a bunch of articles on the Internet, I decided to try the most common and well-known method. When my daughter came running to us once again, I told her: “Nastyusha, look, your brother was just born, and he’s already sleeping alone. You’re an adult, you should also sleep without your mother.” The method worked one hundred percent. That same night the eldest was already sleeping in her room. Of course, the first couple of nights I had to fall asleep with her, but now everything has settled down.”

It is impossible to explain to very young children why his brother or sister can sleep with their parents, but he cannot. After the birth of the youngest, you need to make it clear to the elder that they have not stopped loving him, his parents still need him. Jealousy is normal. It is clear that a younger child always requires more time. But you shouldn’t forget about the elder either. If you bought something for the younger one, buy it for the older one too.

Why does a child refuse to sleep independently?

According to somnologists, refusal to sleep in one’s own bed may indicate both serious neurological problems, an increased level of anxiety, and the baby’s psychological dependence on the mother and her help in falling asleep (rocking, feeding).

Also, the problem may be that the mother is not ready to “let” the baby sleep on his own, considering him very small and helpless, and children very subtly sense the mood of adults and respond to it.

The debate about co-sleeping with your baby will not subside for a long time. Some parents find this very convenient, others see it as a source of mental problems. However, at some point the child has to move into his own bed, and the task of the parents is to help the baby make this as comfortable as possible.

How to wean a child over 3 years old from his parents' bed?

Children over 3 years old compare themselves with adults and try to imitate them. Although the role of the parents remains the main one, the child strives to act independently of them, refusing to obediently comply with their demands. At a certain point, the baby begins to contrast his desires with the desires of adults.

To evict a child over 3 years old from the marital bed, you need to use his natural desire for independence.

We need to give him the opportunity to create his own independent world. It is recommended to organize a trip to the store and ask the child to choose a bed for himself. The opportunity to choose will inspire him. He will happily run to choose furniture, then proudly watch its transportation and installation.

Before buying a bed, you can offer your baby to move to a separate room. Many children like this prospect, especially if they plan to renovate the room taking into account the baby’s interest. For example, cover the walls with wallpaper or hang curtains with his favorite character. If the child is not ready to immediately move to a separate room, there is no need to insist. The new crib is temporarily installed next to the parent's.

It is necessary to emphasize the differences between adult and children's furniture. The child is offered to choose bedding with bright patterns.

If you manage to place a child in a separate room, but he comes running to his parents every night, he feels uncomfortable and lonely.

Your favorite soft toy will help you cope with loneliness. She needs to be put to bed before the baby. A teddy bear or bunny will motivate the child to go to bed. When his mother puts him to bed and sings the usual songs, she needs to leave, informing him that she is leaving a bunny in her place.

A night light will help your baby cope with his fear of the dark. It is also better to choose it together. A favorite character, color or beautiful shape of a night light will evoke pleasant emotions in a child, dispelling his fears. As soon as the baby’s anxiety decreases, the night light should be removed. Otherwise, he will not be able to sleep in the dark even after reaching adulthood.

Why wean your child from co-sleeping?

Is it possible to walk with a child with a fever?

Proponents of separate sleeping between parents and child believe that the baby should be weaned so that he does not consider himself a partner of the mother, and the father as a third wheel. This situation will be destructive both for his psyche and for family relationships.

Constantly being (even at night) with adults inhibits the awakening of independence in a child. Psychologists believe that for the full development of personality, each baby should have his own personal space, including a crib.

In addition, in this way the baby can become strongly psychologically dependent on one of the parents (usually the mother), which will create problems for him in the adult future.

How to wean your baby from sleeping with his parents at 1 and 2 years old

If sleeping with a newborn baby can still be explained by the convenience of breastfeeding, then a child of 1-2 years old in his parents’ bed is a problem. Its origin may lie in the psycho-emotional state of the baby or physical illness.

Before weaning a child from sleeping with a parent, you need to make sure that he is healthy and is not bothered by night fears, such as fear of the dark or “monsters under the bed.” Otherwise, the child will receive enormous stress.

If there is a need to train a one-year-old baby to sleep in a separate crib, then you need to act gently, and at the same time, be persistent.

There are 3 ways to carry out weaning.

1st method - Ignoring

Children are good manipulators

It doesn’t matter how old the child is, he will achieve his goal in every possible way. This will be screaming, hysteria, persuasion and other methods

If the baby understands that all his attempts are in vain, then after a few days he will retreat and accept the position of his parents.

Ideally, you need to teach your child to sleep independently when he is still sleeping in a crib with high sides, so that he cannot come to his parents at night. For example, you breastfed or read a story and the baby fell asleep in his crib, but a few hours later he woke up and you were not there. Naturally he will cry. And here you just need not to react to crying, without saying a word. If the baby hears you, he will cry with renewed vigor.

But isn’t it harmful for a child to cry alone, doesn’t it reduce his sense of security?

Alison Schaefer, a Canadian psychotherapist and author of Leading Well, Can't Be Capricious, writes in defense of this method: “Some parents want a “tearless” solution to any disciplinary problem. Once a child starts crying, we can’t find a place for ourselves! I recently read about a two-year-old child in Thailand who smokes 40 cigarettes a day. His parents say they have to give him cigarettes or he cries. Well, they're crazy, aren't they?

If a child sleeps in a crib without sides and can easily sneak into his parents’ bed at night, then you need to lock your room. An important point: not to lock the child in his room, but to lock himself in your own. The baby will cry under the door, but this will not last long. The gradual weaning method will take much longer.

2nd method - Gradual

If parents do not agree to put up with half an hour of roaring and lamentation of their own child, they need to be patient and gradually, with persistence, teach them to sleep independently.

To begin, move the baby's crib next to the parent's bed. In this case, the baby will be nearby, but not with mom and dad.

A little later, move the crib to another room and sit next to it until the baby falls asleep. You can give your baby a toy with which he will feel comfortable falling asleep.

The next step might be to have your child fall asleep alone in his room while you sit in the hallway or outside the door. After this, falling asleep on your own is not far off.

If the baby is used to falling asleep on his own, then when he wakes up at night he will no longer come to his parents’ bedroom, but will fall asleep alone again.

3rd Method - Explanations

The benefits of a separate sleep can already be explained to a 2-year-old child.

First of all, you need to tell the baby why you need to sleep separately. There can be a million arguments: you are already an adult; Misha (Sasha, Uncle Vanya) at your age were already sleeping in their crib; you can put a bear (doll) next to you and they won’t be scared with you. Each case may have its own reasoning, because by the age of one year, parents know well the tastes and preferences of their beloved child.

Irina, mother of Roma (2 years old): “Roma never wanted to go to sleep in a separate room. We tried all the methods: persuasion, promises, reading a bedtime story, the presence of toys in the crib - nothing helped. The older sister managed to play on the stubborn little boy’s love for the cartoon “Masha and the Bear.” For every night in his own room, the baby received a sticker with his favorite characters in the morning. She was solemnly glued to the crib, the ritual was accompanied by praise and delight, “everyone wanted the same, but only Roma got it, he’s a great guy.” A couple of days later, the son went to his room without persuasion, knowing that in the morning he would be rewarded. Over time, he lost interest in Masha and the Bear and began to sleep in his room with desire, because he is a real man.”

What not to do during weaning

It is important that moving into your own crib does not coincide with other changes. The baby feels emotional stress when entering a new kindergarten, when the family is replenished - a brother or sister is born, even when potty training.

If health discomfort arises, there is no need to demonstrate unhealthy restraint - you will lie here, and I will not come to you.

To avoid having to shout and punish, a few tricks will help you wean your child off:

• Shifting. In the first stage of sleep, the baby can be safely transferred to his bed. You don't need to run away right away. It is worth bending over the crib with your hands and baby and staying in this position for some time. He smells his mother's scent. He opens his eyes and realizes that he is safe and will not be afraid that he was left. After this, you can gradually remove your hands.
• The space should be compact so that there is no feeling that there is some kind of abyss around. The second point is that it shouldn’t be cold. There are two ways: a heating pad toy, which allows you to warm up the place to sleep; you can also do it easier - iron the diaper so that it is warm. You need to use a regular heating pad carefully and wisely so as not to overheat the child. You should move it away from him so that the baby does not sweat or feel discomfort.
• There should be several touches. Linger with him and show him that you love him, regardless of whether the baby is awake or asleep. The 5-touch rule is not to run away immediately as soon as the baby switches off. Pay attention in your sleep - for a short time you should touch the leg, stroke it, inhale and exhale, look at him so that he feels that you are nearby. The child greatly needs physical physical contact with us.
• Mom's thing. Put something in the crib that smells like you. That which is symbolically associated with the mother's sense of smell. So the baby becomes much calmer from the fact that he can smell what smells best in the world. The child smells great and reacts to it.
• Massage or stroking. Draw a Christmas tree on the baby's back. Start from the lower back and gradually move towards the cervical spine. Don’t push or push, just caress. The muscles relax, and going to sleep brings unconditional joy.

Bathing relaxes the baby. They should under no circumstances be neglected.

Very often, parents try to teach their one-year-old baby to sleep in their crib. At this age, he is capable of manipulating adults, but this should not be allowed. The key to success is if during the day the mother squeezes, strokes, puts her on her lap or chest, that is, pays a lot of attention. It is important to give the maximum amount of tenderness and affection. When it comes to sleeping at night, mom needs to provide the crib comfort he needs to feel safe.

Maybe it's not worth teaching?

What is better - to initially lay it separately or to accustom it after some time? However, another situation is possible when a baby sleeps in a crib up to 1.5 years of age, but over time refuses to sleep alone. Contrary to popular belief, these are not whims at all. The little man gradually begins to realize his fear of the dark. And therefore he tries in every possible way to get into his parents’ bed, where he is safe, warm and comfortable. There are often principled parents who are very decisive about their baby’s sleeping place. In this case, there is a big risk that real “battles” will take place in the house in the evenings. The same applies to children who slept with their mother from birth. And if you decide to change the situation, then plan to wean yourself before the critical age or after it has passed.

Here is another argument that will upset supporters of independent recreation. According to statistics, 5-6 year old children sleeping with their parents slept in their own crib from birth, and moved to their parents at 1.5 years of age. It follows from this that parents who do not sleep with their 5-month-old babies will not do so after 1.5 years.

There are mothers who practice separate sleep until the baby reaches 1.5 years of age. The reason to change habits is the appearance of anxiety while in a crib. This encourages the mother to move the baby to the parent’s bed. And then it becomes clear that the child does not plan to leave his mother’s bed. Weaning off co-sleeping will be very difficult.

When deciding to sleep together, adults must understand that a child sleeping in the same bed (room) can become an unwitting witness to an intimate relationship. Moreover, experts emphasize that this can cause serious injury, even if, due to his age, he does not understand what is happening (according to the parents). The optimal age for moving to your own crib is 3 years. Night fears are left behind thanks to the support of mom and dad, but at the same time there is a desire to grow up, to become a small person with some property at his disposal.

A separate crib, a kind of personal corner, can become such property, property. But even after 3 years of age, problems may arise. And they are usually observed in those families where attempts were made to postpone a child earlier than 3 years. They remember fears, worries, discomfort for a long time and it will be very difficult to forget them. If possible, there is no need to push the child or rush him to become independent and adult. It is better to wait until he himself expresses such a desire. Such moments usually come by themselves. And this may happen a little later than at 3 years old, which is quite normal, because children are different, and besides, everyone has their own needs. Everyone has different levels of anxiety, some are more attached to their mother.

True, we must not forget: sometimes children do not express a desire to sleep separately, either at 3 or 4 years old. This may be due to a change of place of residence, a different family composition, and other situations that bring something new into the little person’s world. Parents also have their own needs, they need to relax and be alone. This is a reason to raise the question head-on, but not to leave everything to chance.

Is it worth weaning off?

This problem must be solved by weighing all the pros and cons of sleeping together. If it is convenient for mom, dad, and the baby, then it is quite possible to practice this type of night rest. If the family (or some member of it) is suffering, then it is better to transfer the baby to his crib.

E.O. Komarovsky shares the same opinion - the doctor argues that the issue should be accepted by adults together (and not just by the mother, who suddenly decides to displace the unsuspecting father, declaring that the baby is now more important than him).

If the decision is made in favor of joint rest, you need to pay attention to a number of rules for safe children's sleep in the parent's bed:

• The baby should not be placed between mom and dad. The correct position of the baby: on the edge (in this case, the bed is near the wall or limited by a side), and on the other side is the parent;
• if one of the adults is sick, the child cannot be placed in the same bed with him;
• sleeping together should be prohibited if mom or dad is under the influence of alcohol, sleeping pills or other potent drugs;
• bolsters, pillows and anything that can lead to suffocation should be removed away.

In any case, at some point every family comes to the conclusion that it is time to move the child into his own bed.

Advice from psychologists

Recommendations from psychologists are aimed at creating a comfortable emotional environment for going to bed and overcoming fear, which is provoked by the child’s wild imagination.

Make friends with fears and monsters from dreams

Let him draw the monsters that live under his crib. Or make figures from plasticine. Play, give them names. But come up with entertainment where the monsters have positive roles.

Create a bedtime ritual

It could be a book, a lullaby or 100 kisses on the cheeks. The ritual may take a long time, but at this moment the child will receive maximum attention from you. You cannot skip the discussed method of going to bed for a single day. If the little one fell asleep in bed and came into the parent’s bedroom at night, you need to return the baby to the nursery and repeat the ritual.

Create a positive image for the night

Explain that he must sleep in a separate bed, because magic awaits him, a night fairy with a gift. In the morning, place a small surprise under your pillow.

Discuss tomorrow before going to bed

The child should fall asleep sooner so that morning comes faster. Talk about how you have a busy day tomorrow: going to the cinema, visiting, going to the playground, tasting ice cream. But in the morning, don’t give up on your plans, you need to keep your promises.

Appoint a night guard

A child's sleep near the bed can be protected by a teddy bear, soldiers, or a doll. Place the toy in the bed or next to the door. Discuss the story with your preschooler, and let him nominate his own defenders every night.

Change your child's interests in games and cartoons

You can’t just ban viewing or entertainment; you need to offer more interesting entertainment options that are safe for the psyche.

Expert advice

There are many tricks that experienced parents and experts share with those who are yet to accustom their child to their own bed.

The tips are as follows:

1. let your beloved bunny go to a new sleeping place with his young owner. The mother should personally ask the pet to look after her baby, and in the morning, thank her for it. The ritual should be repeated daily;
2. Reading books to your child in the evening will help you calm down and get into the mood for normal sleep;
3. A great device is a night light with dim light. It helps if fears do not leave the baby;
4. if you have fears, you can come up with a “protective” ritual, for example, waving a magic wand that can scare away Baba Yaga, monsters and other scary characters;
5. It is important to limit noisy games in the evening, and bedtime itself should be consistent (for example, massage-bathing-meal-reading).

Weaning cannot be started if it is planned (or has recently occurred):

• separation of parents;
• moving to a new place of residence;
• the appearance of a youngest child in the family;
• severe stress of the baby;
• starting to attend a school, development center or other institution;
• other similar situations.

There are periods when a baby can be allowed into bed with his parents for a short time, even if he has already weaned himself off it.

These are: illness, serious illness, stressful situation, fears, etc. The rest of the time, it is better not to make concessions.

At what age can you start teaching your child to fall asleep in a crib?

There are no specific recommendations regarding at what months or years a baby should be moved to a crib, since each child is individual. Children who are bottle-fed and fall asleep primarily with a pacifier in their mouth rarely experience any discomfort in this case. They will sleep peacefully even without the close proximity of their mothers. Although replacing the mother with a pacifier is not very welcome. Breasts, in turn, are different.

Some can be easily placed in a separate crib at 3 months, immediately after colic stops bothering them. Others want to be close to their mother all the time, and their removal from the parental bed will not only be problematic, but can also cause psychological trauma to the baby. It is better to shift such children separately after 3 years, when the baby will already consciously understand where he should sleep. Such relocation can also be presented to the child in the form of some kind of game.

Are there any benefits to having a child sleep with their parents?

Every mother decides for herself whether to put the baby in her own bed Even pediatricians and psychologists do not have a consensus on this matter. Therefore, we understand the pros and cons, as well as the age limits - when it is possible and when it is no longer worth it.

Why should a baby not sleep with his parents?

• Independence and individuality are formed the faster and more actively , the more conditions there are for this process, including (in this case) your own room, your own bed, your own space. A radio nanny on my mother’s bedside table saves me from worries that “the baby will cry and I won’t hear.” As a last resort, the newborn's crib is next to the parent's bed.

• Sleeping next to your mother for a long time (especially after 3-4 years) means a strong dependence on your mother in the future (in most cases). When making decisions, the child will be guided by the opinion of the mother.
• A newborn child may be accidentally crushed by a parent in his sleep. Usually, mothers feel their children perfectly well in their sleep (the maternal instinct has not been canceled), but the risk of crushing the child increases sharply with acute fatigue or taking sleeping pills, sedatives, etc. But for dads, the maternal instinct is absent - an awkward movement in a dream can end tragically.
• In the case where the father is in dire need of the mother's attention, it is not advisable to put the baby in the parent's bed - this will not benefit the relationship.
• Closeness between parents is difficult , to say the least . Which is also not good for marital relationships.

• For reasons of hygiene, it is also not recommended to place the child with his parents. Firstly, the ill health of the parents will affect the baby. Secondly, washing a diaper from a crib is much easier than drying a parent’s mattress.
• According to statistics, more than 50% of couples who put their children in their beds between mom and dad get divorced.

Expert opinions in favor of baby sleeping with parents:

• From birth to 2-3 years of age, sleeping next to the mother does not cause any harm ( we do not take into account the personal relationship between father and mother). After 2-3 years, the baby should be “relocated” to a children’s bed without fail.

• Sleeping with a baby in bed is a natural occurrence for a mother who simply does not physically have the strength to get up to the crib every 2-3 hours.
• For a newborn (especially from 0 to 3 months), sleeping with his mother is a feeling of her warmth and absolute security. During pregnancy, the baby gets used to the mother’s breathing rhythm, heartbeat, and voice. In the first weeks - to the smell. And for the baby’s peace of mind, the mother’s closeness in the first 3 months is a necessity, not a whim.
• In bed with mom and dad, the child wakes up less often, and accordingly, the parents get better sleep .
• The proximity of the baby promotes lactation and the calm process of feeding the baby “on demand”.
• Co-sleeping is an emotional connection with the baby , which is very important in the first weeks and months of the baby’s life.

• Children who sleep with their parents are less afraid of the dark at an older age and fall asleep more easily.
• When sleeping together, the sleep and wake cycles of the baby and mother are synchronized.
• Co-sleeping is a necessity when the mother goes to work immediately after giving birth, and time to communicate with the baby is limited during the working day.

And a few rules about the safety of mother and baby sleeping together:

• Do not place the baby between you and your spouse so that dad does not accidentally crush the baby in his sleep. Place it closer to the wall or build a cushion out of a blanket.
• The place where the baby sleeps should be rigid. A soft bed may cause spinal problems in the future.
• Don't overly wrap your baby when you take him in for the night. And cover with a separate blanket.
• If you are very tired, taking serious medications, or lack of sleep, place your baby separately.

How to get your child to sleep in his own bed after sleeping together

The easiest way, in my opinion, is when the child is not moved to another bed, but the mother no longer sleeps “nose to nose” with him. Of course, a mother will not fit in a crib, but it also happens that she and her baby share a sofa or ottoman. That’s how I slept with my son on the sofa. Then (after a year), making sure that the child had fallen asleep, she quietly got up and went to her room. Of course, if my son woke up and called me, I came, but gradually his sleep became more and more sound. And then there was no need to lie next to him when he fell asleep. In this case, the child does not need to get used to another bed, which may be in another room. Everything is the same as before, only my mother’s presence is no longer as frequent.

If the child slept in the parent’s bed, then the mother may have to move with him for a while. First, the baby will get used to the new bed (the mother is nearby, here she is sitting), and then he will get used to the fact that the mother does not have to be present when he falls asleep.

When changes are introduced, it is important that something is “the same as always.” Both a new bed and the absence of a mother at the same time are quite difficult for the psyche

But even if “as always” does not work out for some reason, the child’s psyche will cope. And yet, if there is an opportunity to reduce stress, then it is better to take advantage of it.

Another intermediate stage of the “transition period” is the presence of a second blanket. You have decided to “remove” the child. Okay, but then sleep for a while under different blankets (if you previously slept under one). Mom is nearby, but there is no longer direct contact with her body; mother’s warmth is not physically felt. That is, physical contact is broken, and the child will experience gradual autonomy.

You can use some kind of soft toy for sleeping. When a child has such a toy, he can easily fall asleep with it anywhere. By the way, you can take the toy with you on a trip or to kindergarten.

I even advise buying two identical toys and hiding one. Because if the “fall asleep” toy is lost (for example, accidentally forgotten in a hotel room), a real tragedy will unfold. And so, we replaced the spare one and slept peacefully...

It’s rare, but it happens that a child has a personal motivation to sleep separately from his parents: “I’m big! I’ll sleep alone!” An additional incentive may be to arrange your own sleeping place. Together with your child, buy beautiful bedding: “Only mine!” Mom and Dad don’t have this!” Find a comfortable pillow together. Also, buy some accessories: a cute night light, glowing stars for the ceiling and a talisman for good dreams. Kindly “envy” your child, he will be pleased.

What not to do: put the child in bed and leave, leaving him to cry. Like, on the first day he will cry for several hours and fall asleep. On the second day he will cry for maybe an hour, maybe two. Gradually, the crying time will decrease, and the child will learn to fall asleep on his own, in his own bed.

What a beauty! Just endure a baby's crying for a week! I can admit that this method is effective. But I would never risk using it on my children. It’s hard to even imagine what kind of psychological trauma this can cause for a child. Imagine the emotions of a baby, hysterically calling for his parents, who never come to him.

There is a significant difference in why a baby stops crying. Because nothing bothers him - and because it is useless to call, no one will come anyway. The second option personally makes me very sad and anxious.

Pros and cons of co-sleeping

Co-sleeping with an infant is very convenient for him and his mother. A child who has been in a warm, soft and cramped space for nine months does not feel very comfortable in a crib. He, accustomed to the beating of his mother’s heart and her breathing, is lonely and scared to remain without the usual sounds and sensations. Constant contact with the mother gives the baby a feeling of security and calm.

A mother who sleeps with her baby is also calmer; she has time to get enough sleep without wasting precious hours of the night frequently getting up to see her crying baby. She simply hears his grunting and immediately gives him the breast, while she can continue to sleep. The child, having had enough, falls asleep and snores sweetly, clinging to his mother. Even if a woman does not breastfeed, it is difficult to overestimate the importance of these contacts for forming a close bond with her child.

In any case, you need to get up to the baby at least 3-5 times a night and spend some time on any feeding (breast or bottle). You can hug, stroke, and cuddle the waking baby in time, then he may not completely unwind, and, importantly, the duration of the mother’s sleep will increase.

Let's move on to the cons. Although many people classify cases of small children being strangled by their mothers as folk horror stories, this possibility cannot be ruled out. It seems clear that maternal sleep is instinctively very sensitive, but this sensitivity can be dulled if the mother has taken, for example, a sedative or sleeping pill or is simply very tired.

Also, one should not discount the fact that there is also a third person in the parent’s bed – the child’s father. It’s good if the bed is wide, and dad is able to refuse his wife’s marital duties for some time. Otherwise, he will not only be forced to huddle somewhere on the edge or against the wall, but also feel not much better than a child “put aside” in another bed.

Many parents sleep more shallowly and restlessly when their baby is in their bed, which does not allow them to fully rest and recuperate.

A child may develop a persistent need for the constant presence of adults, up to a dependent state.
Co-sleeping, for all its positive aspects, prevents the acquisition of the skill of falling asleep and sleeping alone. It may turn out that parents will be forced to “ensure presence”, contrary to their plans and capabilities, just so that the baby sleeps peacefully through the night. To avoid accidents, doctors advise adhering to the following restrictions: Do not take the baby to bed if the parents smoke or have taken alcohol, sedatives or sleeping pills. Bed linen must clearly match the size of the bed. The mattress should fit snugly against the headboard. Make sure that there are no soft pillows or blankets near the child's face. Make sure that there is no gap between the bed and the wall into which the child could fall.

How to teach a child to sleep separately from his parents?

Accustom your child to sleep in a bed separately from his parents, preferably from six to eight months. It is during this period that the number of times the baby is fed decreases; also, at the age of 6 to 8 months, the child can independently roll over freely, thereby taking a comfortable sleeping position.

You must understand that if you missed the right time to accustom your child to an individual place to sleep, you should not be upset, it is never too late to teach your baby this, the main thing is that there is a desire to do everything consistently and correctly.

To begin with, you should teach your child to go to bed at the same time, also get into the habit of doing some interesting activities before bed, for example, sing your child a song, tell a fairy tale or read an exciting book, etc. Such actions will help your baby fall asleep faster and should take no more than 10-15 minutes.

After you have completed the steps described above, you can sit next to your child for some time and wait until he falls asleep, and then feel free to leave. If the child wakes up, under no circumstances should you take him out of the crib, just pat him on the head or back, kiss him and say goodnight in a quiet tone.

When you teach your child to sleep separately from you, in a separate crib, you may encounter a number of challenges, for example, at first the baby may wake up many times during the night to check if his mother is nearby. Naturally, for any child who slept in the same bed with his parents, not seeing his mother nearby is a big worry. But you must show with all your behavior that if something happens you will be by his side at any moment.

You can also teach your child to go to sleep in a separate bed with the help of his favorite toy. Put a toy in the baby’s bed and say, for example, the following words: “your favorite dinosaur will look after you if I’m not around at some time.” In the morning, after sleep, be sure to thank the toy in front of the child for the help provided. Thus, the child will slowly get used to sleeping with this toy, considering it your assistant or good friend.

The main thing is to learn this lesson: every morning, when your baby wakes up, praise him for sleeping alone in bed, tell him how great he is, how independent and smart he is. Praise him for at least a few days after sleep.

When to start weaning

How to wean your child off diapers at night - tips for parents

This question does not arise in those families where the baby has his own sleeping place from birth. If parents have made a choice in favor of co-sleeping, then sooner or later (for example, due to the parents’ fatigue or the imminent arrival of a new family member) the time comes to move the child out of the parent’s bed.

Important! Psychologists advise not to focus on the average time frame for moving into your crib and remember that each child is individual, all children have different degrees of anxiety.

Even before the age of one year (usually at 9-10 months), the child begins to sleep longer in the deep sleep phase, and there are fewer awakenings (and therefore night feedings). These are signals that the baby is ready to sleep separately from his mother.

At 9-10 months the baby is ready to sleep on his own

Sometimes parents prefer to wait until the child consciously wants to sleep separately; this happens around the age of 3-3.5 years. He considers himself already completely “adult” and independent, and mom and dad can only play along with the baby, allowing him to choose a new crib or at least bedding.

There are situations when a baby who initially slept independently begins to refuse to sleep separately under the pretext of fears of the dark, loneliness and monsters. As a rule, these are common manipulations due to lack of attention from parents. However, in order not to lead to nervous exhaustion, you should immediately solve this problem of overcoming night fears.

Why doesn't the baby sleep alone?

Coming to the parent's bed, any child seeks silence, tranquility and protection. In this way, he often demands confirmation that he is loved and not offended. Therefore, there are several reasons why a baby comes to his parents’ bed at night and refuses to sleep alone:

• stressful situations and conflicts;
• the appearance of a second child in the family;
• obsessive fears;
• conflicts between parents (the baby tries to act as a peacemaker);
• harsh treatment by adults (at night parents are more affectionate and will not scream).

Whatever the reason, you need to find out and try to solve it together with your baby. Very often, children’s fear of being alone is exaggerated, and simple, familiar objects seem like monsters from scary fairy tales.

On a note. You cannot use cruelty or shout in such cases. All weaning actions should be gentle and not cause even more fear and aggression in the child.

If everyone in the family is comfortable, then sleeping together has a lot of positive aspects

Even at a very early age, a child develops his own psyche; he becomes a person who has fears. If a baby asks to go to bed with his parents, then you should first understand the reason for his behavior, and only then resolve this issue so that he does not experience discomfort.